Dispatches from the front

Yesterday I woke up determined to do my duty.

First thing in the morning I saw two women jogging along the side of the road. I unslung my M-4 and blasted them. They won't be causing any more cars to have to swerve.

Around midday I saw a mother waiting for her child at the school bus stop. Took her out too.

Then in the afternoon I saw a group of teenage girls laughing and giggling together. I mowed them all down with my machine gun.

Just another day in the life of a Republican who has declared war on women.

Today, I'll be gunning for gays, since we've declared war on them as well. Tomorrow, the elderly.