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Thursday, April 7, 2016

Sprinter names 2016

The indoor track and field season is now over, and the final tabulations are in. Here are my top rankings for the most outstanding names.

Among the men:

Rayvon Grey. Quoth Mr. Grey, "Nevermore."

Sincere Williamson. You can take him at his word.

Ju McCarthy. Were his parents pro- or anti-Semitic?

Quez Bradley. Go ahead, ask him anything.

Damir White. Da mere mention of his name scares his suburban rivals.

Ski Nolan. Is he in the wrong sport?

Excellence Perry. Always nice to see an aspirational name among the Devontae's and Jahvanne's.

Tre'kel Lockett. His parents believed in Reaganomics.

Daekwon Garland. His other sport is a Korean martial art.

Rino Watson. Don't get in this guy's way.

Shamon Ehiemua. His parents wanted to instill a sense of guilt.

Rogerous Swain. He's sorta like Roger, without actually being Roger.

Trevious Frazier. Previously known as Joe.

Anterius Brown. His brother is Posterius Brown.

Jimmerick Martin. There once was a man named Martin….

Princeton Liggins. If his parents had been just a tad more ambitious, he'd be Harvard Liggins.

JaQuere Williams. His parents are pro-LGBT.

Emonnie Miller. It's a little like Bitcoin.

Schezarone Carter. His sister is Scheherazade.

Genesis Lucius. He was there at the start.

Makavelli Smith. He knows how to psych out his opponents.

Knikolas Bentley. A knew twist on the kname.

Marquis Lauer, Prince Forson, Prince Smith, Prince Boadi, Royaal Jones. Track and field, the sport of kings.

Kabongo Barry. That actually sounds like how a racist white might refer to a black man.

Qua'Damaun Jones. That Mr. Jones is quite a man.

Malik Gurley, Ramone Newland, Jawan Miller, Devonte Clark, Tremaine Moore, Akeem King, D'Andre Swift, Quashawn Harrison, Dante Brown, Deion Hair-Griffin, Antwan Brooks. The weird thing is, these names actually sound almost normal now.

Among the women:

Dajour Miles. And the soup of the day is…

Dymonic Tann. Is an exorcism required?

Rainasia Harris. AKA "Monsoonmacau."

Janoah Syers. No, I don't know her.

Nija Redmond. I nija to tie my shoelaces for me.

Queen Divine. Hers was a wonderful reign.

Nicquayleeonntea Moore. 'Nuff said.

Cee Asha Gist. See Asha run.

Sheqoya Moore. She sounds tall.

Prommyse Hoosier. She actually runs for Warren Central HS in Indiana, which makes one wonder about the derivation of her last name as well.

Jhetaime Lucan. I like you, too.

Mee'Shaunda Roddy. Me John Craig.

Dasia Pressley, Symone Darius, Chanel Brissett, Tierra Crockrell, Shameka Grover, Destinee McGrady……These, too, sound almost like normal names these days.

I suppose this is how all names originally got traction. "John" must have sounded weird to the people who first heard it. And it's not as if it's been treated with a lot of respect in the intervening years. The name now either refers to what you sit on to take a crap, or to a prostitute's customer (who presumably can't get any without paying for it).

Even with those connotations, though, I'm still glad my parents gave me a normal name.

That said, after you look at enough of these sprinter names, the realization sinks in that a lot of these parents wouldn't be caught dead giving their children some boring old white name. To them, that would probably feel derivative, and maybe even a little as if they were knuckling under to The Man. Also, I get the vague sense that some of these parents feel that the more unique the name they bestow upon their child, the more outstanding their child will be.

The whole thing is not entirely dissimilar to the evolution of black fashion sense over the past 50 years.


Mark Caplan said...

It's hard to choose a favorite among so many wonderful oddities, but surely in the top five was this cashier's name I spotted on a store receipt: Latrina.

John Craig said...

Mark --
You actually saw that one on a receipt? I'd heard of that name before, but it was one of those stories you can never be sure isn't apocryphal.

Anonymous said...

Spartan said…

Natures comedians at work. These names just scream "hey, look at me". It's all about attention and distancing themselves from whites.

I work in a predominately black high school that is a college prep. I've been here for ten years, and these kids come from solid homes. As a result, they have boring names. There's a lot of black names that won't cause a future employer to throw their application in the trash can, such as Terrel, Jamal, Malik, Imani, Keisha, and Mikayala. When I worked in the ghetto, I was entertained by the names. I remember two kids who were friends were named Elquatro and Cinque. I used to called them number 4 and 5. The name that takes the cake was Q'Pon. The sad thing is that he had a twin named Robert.

Mark Caplan said...

I anticipated a certain degree of skepticism. That's why I saved the receipt. Try the following the link:

John Craig said...

Spartan --
It would be interesting to see how Robert turns out in life, vis-a-vis Q'pon.

And yes, you hit on an interesting point. Solidly middle-class blacks tend not to give their children these names, it's more of a lower class thing, though I have seen some middle class kids with "creative" names, and rich show business people (both white and black) tend to give their kids offbeat names as well.

John Craig said...

Mark --
So the urban legend is true. My guess is there are more than a couple women with that name, though. It does actually sort of sound like a name.

Steven said...

The mind boggles.

& your comments were funny...ask him anything lol

Latrina is the feminine version of John if you think about it.

Somebody in NZ (I think) wanted to name their child sex fruit. You can probably find somewhere a list of funny names that weren't approved in various countries. I think one country in Scandinavia has a list of all acceptable names.

Mark Caplan said...

I imagine a black youngster would get razzed almost to death by the other kids if his grannie stupidly gave him an ordinary name like Robert or William.

John Craig said...

Steven --
Ha, yes, I suppose Latrina is the feminine version of John.

There's actually a country with a list of acceptable names? Honestly, I far prefer living in a country with no limits like that, even if the end result is names like the ones cited above.

John Craig said...

Mark --
I do think that a certain strata of black people consider names like that too boring. It's too bad they don't realize the harm they're doing to their kids by giving them those "creative" names though.

Steven said...

I just looked it up. Denmark apparently has a list of 7,000 pre-approved names and if you want one not on the list, you need permission from Church and government. Some other countries have lists of banned names but I think they mostly just built the lists up organically as they rejected ridiculous names and then added them to the list. Saudi Arabia has banned many normal western names.

In New Zealand, somebody tried to name their twins Fish and Chips. In Sonoro, Mexico, 'Traffic' and 'Terminator' are banned. I remember reading about somebody who wanted to follow the tradition of naming the child after where he or she was conceived- not Paris or Brooklyn but 'bus stop number 16'. These are just some of the more sensible examples.

There are some restrictions in America: in Massachusetts, names must be 40 characters or less for computer input reasons and in many states names can only include the 26 English keyboard letters. You can't be Jose with a dash over the e.

John Craig said...

Steven --
Well if there are 7000 approved names I suppose that's sort of sensible in its own way.

Those names from New Zealand and so on are funny. They don't show a lot of parenting sense, but they're funny.

But in America, a lot of black names these days seem to have apostrophes inserted into them. I wonder how closely they follow the rules in the states where that is banned.

Anonymous said...

I know a woman through work who's name is Quanishwa. She's a very nice, friendly person, good at her work.



John Craig said...

Birdie --
That sounds like Japanese for hello -- "Connichi-wa."

Anonymous said...

The young woman is black. Through work, I have met other blacks with unusual names, but she's the only one that I currently know with an unusual name.


europeasant said...

The people in Utah have some of the strangest names. You've probably seen this this before but Check out this site;

some examples;
Cleanliness is next to Godliness: Zestpoole, Sparkle, Sterling
Maybe they're in the Klingon Ward: Tchae, Xko, Corx, G'ni, Vvhs, Garn, Ka, Deauxti, Xymoya, Sha'Kira, Zy, Nivek, Zon'tl, Zagg, Xan, Judziah Datz (a female, named after a character in Star Trek), K'lar (ditto), Jarna Nazhalena, Chod, Xarek, Grik, Stod, T'Shara, Tral, Sherik, Curg, Kahless, Ry'ak, Kroten, Kaylar, Barek

Chemicals and future names of prescriptions: Vinyl, Orlon, Chlorine, Clorene, Florene, Florine, Lexann, Dow, Codiene, Radon, Ethylene, Vyron, Chlodene, Codilyn, Lyravin, Monalaine, Nyleen, Merlaine, Monease, Naquel, Ronalene, Nylan, Rolayne, Tyron, Lexine, Lyrin, Mikatin, Artax, Xtrin, Tylene, Qedrin, Tamrin, Denilyn, Kevrin, Nicolin, Xylan, Tolex, Zylan, Daycal, Falycid, Zerin, Davon, Sydal, Dynevore, Xtlyn

and on and on and on,,,,,.

John Craig said...

Europeasant --
I'd never realized before that Utahans were so "creative" with their names as well. Some of those names seem like black names, but a lot of them don't, and even have identifiably Mormon themes.

Judging from those names, the Mormons have no right to talk about the mark of Cain…...

Anonymous said...

Mormons have many distinctively Mormon names , Alma (when male),Mosiah, Moroni, Nephi, etc, from the Book of Mormon, but they come up with some really bizarre ones with no link to Mormonism. Also, some given names are not originally Mormon, but have come into disuse with others, e.g, Brigham, Heber, etc so that when you see them you have an enormous probability the person is a Mormon. Obviously none of the Mormon church's founders had Mormon first names because their parents were not Mormon, Mormonism not having been invented yet.

Some names from the BoM are not used because the BoM figures with those names were the bad guys.