Part I: The Russian Home Invaders
SCENE: A suburban family of five sit around their dinner table. The three daughters, ages 10, 8, and 6, are all as cute as can be.
Suddenly two tough-looking men with Slavic features burst in. Both carry AK-47's. The larger one takes the 8-year-old by the arm and places his gun at her head, forcing it to tilt slightly to one side.
He speaks in that thick Russian accent which sounds both insinuating and brutal at the same time.
Geef me all your money, now, or the gy-url dies!
Please, we'll give you everything we have, please
just don't hurt the girls!
Okay, just give me a second, I have at least a
thousand in cash upstairs.
He gets up as if to go upstairs. Suddenly the 10-YEAR-OLD GIRL, who has been peering at the man's weapon, speaks up.
Hey, that's an AK-47! Those are fully automatic!
(She then start to speak in the nyah-nyah singsong voice kids use when they're one-upping someone.)
The City Council recently passed a law saying that
anybody who gets caught with a fully automatic
weapon gets a minimum of two years in jail!
The RUSSIAN MAN suddenly looks panicked. He pulls back a little, so that the 8-year-old girl's head is no longer tilted.
Vat? I not know this. Eez not fair.
The FATHER, on his way upstairs, stops in his tracks.
Yeah -- two years in the slammer! That's no joke.
The RUSSIAN MAN drops the 8-year-old's arm and backs away. Suddenly he and the other Russian bolt for the door and scramble through it, desperate to escape.
Part II: The Sociopathic Rapist
A pretty BLONDE GIRL is jogging along a path in the woods when a large man suddenly jumps out and grabs her from behind, putting his hand over her mouth. He points a gun at her head and drags her off into the woods.
Scream and you're dead.
He drags her into a clearing and slowly looks her up and down, practically salivating. His intentions are all too clear. The BLONDE GIRL looks terrified. Tears start to form in her eyes.
Please don't hurt me. Please.
Take off all your clothes. Now!
The BLONDE GIRL pulls her t-shirt off. Underneath she has on a white bra. The MAN obviously likes what he sees and makes a waving motion with his gun to indicate she should continue.
I'm gonna screw you like you never been
screwed before. Front and rear.
He is clearly enjoying his power over her. She hooks her thumbs into her running shorts. But his waving motion has drawn her eye and she focuses on the gun.
Hey waaaaaaait a minute!
Suddenly she has more assurance in her voice.
And I'm guessing you're a convicted felon. You're
not even allowed to own a gun!
The MAN backs off, and looks at his gun as if seeing it for the first time. He looks confused.
Yeah, you get caught with one of those things
and it's two years in the Big House. And then
you'll be the one getting screwed.
The BLONDE GIRL wears a triumphant look. She suddenly reaches out to grab his crotch. He pulls back, shocked.
Whatsamatter, lose your hard on?
The MAN suddenly darts off into the woods.
Hey, what about that screwing you promised
The BLONDE GIRL, now completely in control, shakes her head and laughs.
Part III: The Three Bloods
Three Bloods sit in an abandoned house. In between them is a worn table with three semiautomatic handguns on it.
Muthafuckin' Crips think they can come on
our turf, they crazy. We gonna teach their sorry
asses a lesson with a drive by.
You trippin', fool. These guns ain't even
BLOOD #1 looks down at the guns. He then puts his head in his hands and slowly shakes his head.
Treyshawn, you even got any idea how hard it
is to get a carry permit these days?
By this point BLOOD #1 looks completely penitent. He holds his hands up helplessly.
Man, I don't even know what I was thinkin'.