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Saturday, October 7, 2017

Three vignettes to illustrate the effectiveness of gun laws, as envisioned by the Left

Part I: The Russian Home Invaders

SCENE: A suburban family of five sit around their dinner table. The three daughters, ages 10, 8, and 6, are all as cute as can be.

Suddenly two tough-looking men with Slavic features burst in. Both carry AK-47's. The larger one takes the 8-year-old by the arm and places his gun at her head, forcing it to tilt slightly to one side.

He speaks in that thick Russian accent which sounds both insinuating and brutal at the same time.

          Geef me all your money, now, or the gy-url dies!

           Please, we'll give you everything we have, please
           just don't hurt the girls!


           Okay, just give me a second, I have at least a
           thousand in cash upstairs.

He gets up as if to go upstairs. Suddenly the 10-YEAR-OLD GIRL, who has been peering at the man's weapon, speaks up.

            Hey, that's an AK-47! Those are fully automatic!

(She then start to speak in the nyah-nyah singsong voice kids use when they're one-upping someone.)

            The City Council recently passed a law saying that
            anybody who gets caught with a fully automatic
            weapon gets a minimum of two years in jail!

The RUSSIAN MAN suddenly looks panicked. He pulls back a little, so that the 8-year-old girl's head is no longer tilted.

             Vat? I not know this. Eez not fair.

The FATHER, on his way upstairs, stops in his tracks.

                                     10-YEAR-OLD GIRL
             Yeah -- two years in the slammer! That's no joke.

The RUSSIAN MAN drops the 8-year-old's arm and backs away. Suddenly he and the other Russian bolt for the door and scramble through it, desperate to escape.

Part II: The Sociopathic Rapist

A pretty BLONDE GIRL is jogging along a path in the woods when a large man suddenly jumps out and grabs her from behind, putting his hand over her mouth. He points a gun at her head and drags her off into the woods.

                Scream and you're dead.

He drags her into a clearing and slowly looks her up and down, practically salivating. His intentions are all too clear. The BLONDE GIRL looks terrified. Tears start to form in her eyes.

                                      BLONDE GIRL
                Please don't hurt me. Please.

               Take off all your clothes. Now!

The BLONDE GIRL pulls her t-shirt off. Underneath she has on a white bra. The MAN obviously likes what he sees and makes a waving motion with his gun to indicate she should continue.

               I'm gonna screw you like you never been
               screwed before. Front and rear.

He is clearly enjoying his power over her. She hooks her thumbs into her running shorts. But his waving motion has drawn her eye and she focuses on the gun.

                                     BLONDE GIRL
               Hey waaaaaaait a minute!

Suddenly she has more assurance in her voice.

               And I'm guessing you're a convicted felon. You're
               not even allowed to own a gun!

The MAN backs off, and looks at his gun as if seeing it for the first time. He looks confused.

               Yeah, you get caught with one of those things
               and it's two years in the Big House. And then
               you'll be the one getting screwed.

The BLONDE GIRL wears a triumphant look. She suddenly reaches out to grab his crotch. He pulls back, shocked.

              Whatsamatter, lose your hard on?

The MAN suddenly darts off into the woods.

              Hey, what about that screwing you promised

The BLONDE GIRL, now completely in control, shakes her head and laughs.

Part III: The Three Bloods

Three Bloods sit in an abandoned house. In between them is a worn table with three semiautomatic handguns on it.

                                        BLOOD #1
              Muthafuckin' Crips think they can come on
              our turf, they crazy. We gonna teach their sorry
              asses a lesson with a drive by.

                                        BLOOD #2
              You trippin', fool. These guns ain't even
              properly registered!

BLOOD #1 looks down at the guns. He then puts his head in his hands and slowly shakes his head.

                                        BLOOD #3
              Treyshawn, you even got any idea how hard it
              is to get a carry permit these days?

By this point BLOOD #1 looks completely penitent. He holds his hands up helplessly.

                                        BLOOD #1
              Man, I don't even know what I was thinkin'.

                                        THE END

Okay, so there wasn't a lot of character development, subplots were lacking, and the dialogue was a bit cliched. But, all I wanted to do was make a point about the gun control advocates' keen grasp of human nature. 


Anonymous said...

When all the lefties give up their weapons, then maybe, I'll give up mine. Nah, not going to happen. My impression of lefties is that their collective thinking is not rooted in reality.

- birdie

John Craig said...

Birdie --
Most of the liberals I've known have not had guns. There are some who do, like Pinch Sulzberger and Steven Spielberg, and there are liberals like Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton who like being protected by armed guards. But, on average, gun-owning is more of a rural thing, and a criminal thing.

Smallberries Worldwide said...

I don't think it matters what anyone's opinion is anyway. There are so many unknown guns out there that trying to regulate it at this point would be as easy as deporting 11 million people. Not likely to happen in a practical way anytime soon.

John Craig said...

Smallberries Worldwide --
Actually, it would be far more difficult than deporting 11 million people. There are something like 300 million guns in circulation, and a gun, unlike a person, can be hidden in a drawer for years.

Anonymous said...

Okay weird freudian hypothesis, maybe the feminization of the USA has something to do with violence.

I'm borrowing Langer's theory of the masochistic feminine nature the German people had fueling WW2. Their craving for violence and brutality to cover up this insecurity inside.

We have two example cases of Elliot Rodgers and Omar Mateens. One was a virgin who couldn't get laid, the other was possibly gay muslim fanatic (although his wife suspected bipolar and mental instability, but maybe she wanted to avoid admitting he was gay? Or cover up ignoring what was going on?).

Rodger also could have possibly been gay too or at least had a gay gestalt if he was straight. I looked at his manifesto...actually..he never got rejected by a single girl, because he never approached a single girl! He would just go to a park bench or starbucks and sit for a few hours waiting. Hmmmmm..... I wonder if he really wanted to pick any up, or he wanted to believe he wanted to pick girls up and acted this way to convince get the point.

Get this, Mateen's father Seddique went and "apologized" to many victims by saying "it's not man's place to punish gays, it is Allah's I am sorry that happened", what a twat!


John Craig said...

Ga --
I wrote about that phenomenon here:

And here:

Though I didn't psychoanalyze it the way you did. But I agree with what you said.

Not Dave said...

John Craig, I took about 10 days off from reading your blog (life gets busy sometimes) and this is what I read when I returned. It's hard to believe there are people who actually think this way but I'm convinced there are. Before meeting my wife I dated a liberal woman who lived in a fantasy world of no violence, or if it did occur it was never going to happen to her because she knew her heart and mind were pure. I tried to explain carjacking and leaving enough space for you to escape should anyone approach your driver door. She could never wrap her mind around it.

Having worked in the county jail for 2 years, the courthouse for 4 and now patrol for 7 years I've seen what people are capable of. If you have ever heard of the Texas Slave Ranch I came into contact with the son a couple of times while on duty, the last time a couple of months ago when we found his body decomposing in his home. End of that saga. Folks like that are a reality. Folks like Jeffrey Dahmer, gang members who don't give a crap about any law whatsoever. They're out there among us.

Our Constitution... I'm so glad we still have many in Congress that support it and the 2nd Amendment.


John Craig said...

Not Dave --
No, I hadn't heard of the Texas Slave Ranch, but I just read up on it. I'm surprised they were able to keep tea gong for any length of time. So you found the body of Ellebracht Jr.?

No question, there are plenty of sociopaths around, they're roughly 3 to 4% of the population. Most of them obey the letter while skirting the spirit of the law, but there are plenty who don't pay any attention to the law. And those are the guys you have to deal with, which is why cops are forced to be realists.