Lindsey Graham was in the news again recently for seeming to favor the Democratic candidate over Roy Moore in the Alabama Senatorial race. Earlier, he had said about Moore, "I've got a general rule, if you can't be in a mall, you shouldn't be in the Senate."
I doubt I'm the only one who heard that and then wondered what could be said about some of the places Graham has been.
Which got me to thinking: if I were Graham's PR guy, I'd hire three or four women to bring a sexual harassment suit against him. I'd have them tearfully relate how he practically tore their clothes off and almost raped them in his Senate office after-hours. And I'd have them recite similar stories, just to give them some credibility.
The timing is perfect, as the #Metoo movement is probably peaking right about now.
More to the point, Graham is probably the only Senator whose image would actually be improved by such accusations.
I'm also guessing his South Carolina constituents would find them, at some level, reassuring.
Imagine how good Graham would look, standing there at the podium, vehemently denying the accusations.
"I categorically deny all these scurrilous accusations against me! I want to promise you right now that these young ladies are practicing revisionist history -- they were plenty willing at the time, believe me. Now, I've always tried to be a gentleman and not talk about my love life, even when that led to some ridiculously off-base speculation about me, but I'm afraid these women are forcing my hand. If I get called in front of an ethics committee, much as I'd hate to do it, I will recite chapter and verse on each of those seductions. And I can guaran-goddamn-tee you, those were seductions, and not rapes. I have never, ever used my powerful position, nor my immense physical strength, to pressure a woman into having sex with me."
"Oh, and by the way, I'm sure I can get plenty of other women as character witnesses to testify as to what I'm like when it comes to, uh, matters of romance."
Then, after a suitable interval, I'd have those young ladies withdraw their accusations, or, at least, tone them down considerably.
The other thing I'd do as Graham's PR guy is feed him a few steroids. If he didn't want to take them, well, I'd just slip them into his coffee. That might carve some of the softness off of those estrogenic cheeks of his --
-- and reshape his image a bit. Who knows, the steroids might even change his mannerisms. So that instead of sounding petulantly -- yet breezily -- aggrieved by those false accusations, he could thunder against them as he pounded the podium with his fist, testosterone oozing from his every pore.