Kinky Friedman quotes

Any quoting jag would be incomplete without Kinky Friedman, the fellow above who bears a passing resemblance to Richard Boone. Friedman first achieved fame (and notoriety) with the formation of his second band, Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys. They sang satirical songs like "They Ain't Makin' Jews Like Jesus Anymore." After his music career stalled, Friedman started writing detective novels set in New York City.

When Friedman ran for Governor of Texas in 2006, one of his goals was "the dewussification of Texas." Friedman placed fourth in the six person race, getting 12.6% of the vote.

The following quotes are from his gubernatorial campaign, his books, and his interviews:

A happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life.

If you elect me the first Jewish Justice of the Peace, I'll reduce the speed limits to 54.95!

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads, and property taxes.

Remember, the legislature is the joke, not our campaign.....I think we've got a real, real shot.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness.....but I did not swallow."

Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.

When I'm governor, I'll be the first Governor with a listed telephone number.

The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount.

I even went so far as to become a southern Baptist for a while, until I realized they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

If you're patient and you wait long enough, something will usually happen and usually it'll be something you don't like.

It was a nice neighborhood. If you liked neighborhoods.

As a general rule of thumb, if you thought of New York as a Negro talking to himself and of California as a VCR with nothing to put in, you wouldn't be too far off the mark.

Golf is the only opportunity that middle-aged Wasps have to dress up like a pimp.

They say God created whiskey as a way to keep the Irish from taking over the world.

Every time you see a beautiful woman, just remember, somebody got tired of her.

I'd felt that a man without a woman was like a neck without a pain.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.

On the whole, I preferred cats to women because cats seldom if ever used the word "relationship."

"I'm not afraid to die," I said. "I'm not afraid to live. I'm not afraid to fail. I'm not afraid to succeed. I'm not afraid to fall in love. I'm not afraid to be alone. I'm just afraid I'll have to stop talking about myself for five minutes."

They say that death is just nature's way of telling you to slow down a little bit.

Sleep came slower than a frigid woman.

I knew I wasn't as stupid as I looked. No one was.

The guy standing on the tiny stage never missed a chance to take a simple idea and intellectualize it until it disappeared completely.