"What I look for in a girl"

Mentioning Cosmopolitan in the previous post reminded me of all the articles I've ever seen in which some young heartthrob expounds on the qualities he looks for in a potential girlfriend. (And yes, shame on me for ever having read one.)

These articles are always unintentionally hilarious, since they have absolutely nothing to do with the way guys actually think. If you've ever read one, you know what I'm talking about. The young stars inevitably say things like:

"I like a girl with a spirit of adventure, who likes to travel to exotic places and try new kinds of cuisine."

"I like a girl who dresses nicely, with an eye to fashion, and takes good care of her hair."

"I like a girl who'll give me a handwritten card on my birthday -- it's so much more thoughtful than one of those cards you just buy in a store."

"I like a girl who likes to hold hands, and cuddle. And it's really important to me that a girl be a good kisser."

"I like a girl who'll surprise me by suggesting something spontaneous, like a romantic walk on the beach."

Such "criteria" alway make me think, either this heartthrob is gay, or this "interview" is merely the concoction of a PR agent who knows exactly what girls want -- a description they can identify with. ("Wow -- he wants someone just like me! I could be Justin Bieber's girlfriend!!")

Just to inject a note of reality, these are what honest young men might actually say if asked what they look for in a girl:

"Big tits."

"Small breasts with perky nipples."

"A proud, three-dimensional ass."

"Cheekbones."

"Blonde pubes -- those really drives me crazy."

"What? Her personality? Are you serious? I dunno, I never really thought about it. I mean, I'm not really picky, long as she doesn't talk too much, I guess. Main thing, she's gotta be hot."