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Wednesday, February 13, 2013

More suggested changes for the Olympics

A lot of people like Dan Wetzel here have been bemoaning the elimination of wrestling from the 2020 Olympics in favor of golf.

But Wetzel and his ilk are misinformed: golf is in fact much more in keeping with the original spirit of the Games. If you don't think so, you are just woefully unfamiliar with Greek history.

Many's the time when Aristotle would unwind from writing Poetics with a round of golf at his favorite course. Aristophanes reportedly was inspired to write Lysistrata after being blackballed at Plato's Retreat, a private golf club.

Some historians feel that the eighth wonder of the ancient world was in fact the beautiful 18 hole course in the hills overlooking Athens and the Aegean. (The Parthenon was originally built as its clubhouse.)

All of which is not even to mention that golfers resemble those Greek statues much more than wrestlers do.

And that golf is a far more democratic sport. Only rich kids can wrestle with each other.

The motto for the modern Olympic Games is "Citius, Altius, Fortius," which is Latin for "Faster, Higher, Stronger." Obviously, a stock car is much faster than Usain Bolt. So let's make another improvement by eliminating track and field in favor of NASCAR.

Ever hear of a track meet with more than 20,000 in attendance? Virtually every NASCAR race draws in excess of 100,000 fans! (Plus, not that it matters, but those auto suppliers can put up some major sponsorship bucks.)

And, after all, Aeneas himself was said to have been quite fond of his GTO.

Likewise, let's eliminate swimming in favor of yachting. With real, America's Cup-style yachts, not those glorified Sunbirds they call "yachts" now. (Plus, not that this is important, but boat manufacturers have a lot more money than bathing suit companies.)

And, after all, Odysseus didn't swim to all his adventures -- he sailed!

Finally, we should dump gymnastics for a new sport: World's Richest Man. The gold medal would simply be awarded to whoever could give the largest personal check to each of the 105 IOC members.

The IOC members will undoubtedly find this in keeping with their attitude toward sport.

And, after all, Homer himself was said to be quite fond of money.


Anonymous said...

Brilliant! Please send this post to the misguided coots at the IOC.

Anonymous said...

John, thank you for that very clear and erudite explanation as to why golf clearly is far more with the Olympic spirit than wrestling. To add a small footnote in support of your argument, the commemorative stamps of the first modern games depict two golfers warming up their swings, as you can clearly see here, emphasizing the importance of golf in the Olympic tradition.

John Craig said...

G --
Thank you. Yes, those two guys seem to have swung so hard that their golf clubs flew right out of their hands.

Dave Moriarty said...

perhaps we can make "The Bachelor" an olympic event. roses get passed out and winner gets a gold medal. TV audiences like it and to match up with beach volleyball we can have all the bachelor dates involve bikini's.

John Craig said...

Dave --
Only problem with that, the producers of a reality show might not be able to give the IOC members as lavish a tour as the various golfing associations can.