The final rankings for the 2015 indoor track season are in. As usual, there are a lot of uniquely creative names among the runners in events ranging up to 400 meters.
A few of my favorites among the men:
Romel Burns. Hard not to think of Nero fiddling.
Trabien Whitehurst. Je suis très bien, merci.
Trey'l Beasley. The path to athletic glory is a long and dusty trail.
Osiris Nicholson. Osiris was the Egyptian god of the afterlife. (Would you name your kid "Hades?")
Juston Christian. He got to the finish line just on time.
Jamique Mitchell. The meek shall inherit the earth.
Arun Rambhadjan. See ya later, I'm going for a run.
Salaam Horne. Isn't that a little like naming your child "Hello"?
Kobe White, Kobe Smith. Mr. Bryant has now been around so long that current high school seniors were named after him.
Kwincy Hall. Ah, his parents were Anglophiles.
Seifuddin Black. Just don't say "fuckin' black."
Addrecus Eddington. An abacus that performs only addition.
Kaulen Jenkins. Callin' all sprinters to the starting line.
Saint Jacob Diodonet. Weren't his parents getting a little ahead of themselves?
Kris Mus. This name was my favorite. I had the feeling that Kris might be white, so I looked him up. Sure enough, here he is (on the left):
Not only does this young man evoke Bing Crosby, he also proves Johnny Cash ("A Boy Named Sue") right. By bestowing upon their son a jokey name, Mr. and Mrs. Mus actually gave him, to quote Cash, gravel in his gut and spit in his eye: Kris grew up to be a bold guy willing to take the brothers on at their own game. Good for him, and good for his parents. And maybe, good for all the other guys named above.
Certainly, none of these nationally ranked sprinters lack for athletic prowess.
A few of my favorite female names:
Sydnei Murphy, Sydnee Minor, Sidne' Williamson, Cydney Christian. Their parents all had an affinity for Australia, but, somehow, didn't quite make it.
Lanae-Tava Thomas. (Do you hear "larvae"?)
Pharist O'Neal. Mirror, mirror, on the wall….
K'Lynn Beal. Well, it's better than K'Lytt.
Xaria Elliott. Exotic? Exactly.
Abra Granger. Maybe her middle name is "Cadabra."
Ke'niya Smith. "If you get fresh, I can knee ya in the balls."
Nichyria Byrd. Is this pronounced like Nigeria?
T'Reyah Johnson. T Rex Johnson's queen.
NeeAsia Watkins. Oh, so that's where she was born.