John Feinstein

Was saddened to hear last week that my old friend John Feinstein had died. I had known him from masters swimming, and from the late 90's to the mid-aughts, we used to correspond almost daily. (He was the only one willing to listen to what I had done for workout that day, and vice versa.) He was always encouraging to me, and I tried to be the same to him. 

He was a prominent sportswriter, so his death gt a lot of press. But from what I saw, most of the obituaries didn't really capture who he was. Even worse, some made him sound like a difficult personality.

The New York Times obituary was typical. They quoted his brother as calling him a "cuckoo head" (for having followed the Mets scores so closely). I'm guessing the comment was made affectionately, though it's unclear without any context in the article. John's brother had followed John to Duke University, and I'm sure he must have been quite proud to tell people that he was his brother. He probably said a lot of positive things about John, too, though the Times only used the cuckoo head quote. (If they had had a bad relationship, why would John have been at his house when he died?)

I know for a fact that John had a close relationship with Esther Newberg, his former agent, but she was only quoted talking about his poor health habits. I'm quite sure she must have had nice things to say about him as well, though none of those were used for the article.

John's former sports editor at the Washington Post, George Solomon, was quoted as saying that John had threatened to "kill" an editor if he changed a word of John's copy. And when Bobby Knight, about whom John had written an honest book which Knight hadn't liked, had called Solomon to ask him why he'd hired John, Solomon said that he could only say he didn't know. I have no idea what sort of relationship John had with Solomon, but he may well have been selectively quoted as well. 

You don't even have to read between the lines here, the Times made Feinstein sound like a jerk. But he wasn't; he was the opposite. Yes, he was opinionated, but what smart person isn't? (And why else be a sportswriter, or writer of any kind?)

Here are two anecdotes which I think are far more telling than any cited by the Times. The first shows what a fun, quick-witted guy John was, and also what a good sport he was:

At one point in his forties he swam a 400 meter freestyle at a masters meet. In the next lane was a younger woman who was visibly (four or five months) pregnant. She ended up beating him. John's teammates on the Ancient Mariners, naturally enough, ribbed him mercilessly about this afterwards. John's response was to wail, "But it wasn't faaaaair -- it was two against one!"

The second anecdote has two parts. 

When his father (who'd been the director of the Kennedy Center in DC) got remarried after John's mother died, there was a conservative Supreme Court Justice in attendance at the wedding. (I can't remember which one.) After the Justice delivered his toast, it was John's turn, so he started out, "And now, for the Democratic rebuttal..." The Justice then harrumphed, "Supreme Court Justices are not partisan." John immediately retorted with a sarcastic remark indicating disagreement. I can't remember exactly what he said, it had the same tone as, right, and a bear doesn't shit in the woods. But it wasn't that -- it was far more clever. John was in his thirties at the time, and it took quite a pair to be willing to take on a Supreme Court Justice in person. 

I disagreed with John about politics, but he was certainly right about all Justices being partisan -- that's why they get chosen, by both parties. (In the end John and I just agreed to disagree, which is what adults do. He had none of the self-congratulatory, self-righteous pretensions to moral superiority that are all too common.)

The second part of the anecdote involving the Justice is about the time John invited my family to his country club near Shelter Island. He was extremely gracious to us, but my most vivid impression of that afternoon was how John knew the name of every last busboy who worked there, and would engage each in a brief, friendly conversation. There was also an older couple who looked as if they were in their late 80s there, and John was extremely solicitous to them as well.

The media often preen about how their mission is to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable. But as has become increasingly apparent, they are for the most part dishonest propagandists. John actually practiced that credo, in his personal life as well as in his writing.

Whatever your political leanings, if you attack the high and mighty and act kindly towards those who can't help you in any way, you're a decent guy. The ironic thing about the NY Times obit is that so many of those who do the opposite get glowing tributes from them. Witness the maudlin treatment accorded Teddy Kennedy, who was not only a supreme hypocrite in his private life, but a murderer to boot. 

John was always friendly and considerate and diplomatic to me, and I'm a nobody. Rest in peace.