Sociopath alert: Vanessa Stiviano

It was fairly clear that V. Stiviano, as the media refers to her, was a sociopath from listening to her on that tape. Anyone capable of mustering so much syrupy sweetness to an old man she's trying to destroy is exhibiting a sociopathic level of shamelessness. That sort of false affection and false concern ("Can I get you a glass of juice honey?") is a hallmark of sociopaths.

The way she tried to draw him out on the subject of race also smacked of manipulation.

And if what Sterling's wife says is true, then Stiviano's long history of trying to cadge money and gifts off of rich old men is at the very least a yellow flag for sociopathy.

And why would she have all those other names: Monica Gallegos, Vanessa Perez, and Maria Valdez? A number of identities usually indicates either a shady past or a desire to constantly reinvent oneself; both tend to signify sociopathy.

Then there's that carnivorous appearance. You can't judge sociopathy based on appearance, but…. yikes:

(Stiviano's supposed to be part Mexican and part black, but somehow she ended up looking more like an Asian transvestite, almost a parody of a dragon lady. That degree of artifice is actually another yellow flag for sociopathy.)

In any case, what we'd seen of her so far added up to a heartless manipulator with no loyalty.

The Sports Illustrated article which came out today left no doubt. Stiviano is quoted as saying she's "very saddened" by the punishment meted out to Sterling by NBA Commissioner Silver.

She's also quoted as saying she "never wanted any harm to Donald."

Given that she's the one who set him up, this sort of false contrition and false emotionality can only mean one thing.

For good measure, Stiviano denied that she's ever had a romantic relationship with Sterling. (If that is the case, why did Sterling's friends tease him about the Instagram pictures of Stiviano with other men?)

Easy verdict: sociopath.

"Is Barry Whiffing?"

Maureen Dowd had a caustic column in the NY Times (!) yesterday about Obama's petulant, wimpy persona.

The funniest paragraph was the sixth:

Even some of the chatterers who used to be in your corner now make derogatory remarks about your manhood. And that, I know, really gets under your skin because you think they just don’t get your style of coolly keeping your cards to yourself while you play the long game. Besides, how short memories are. You were the Ice Man who ordered up the operation that killed Osama bin Laden.

It's hard not to see some veiled jabs there. First of all, "derogatory remarks about your manhood" is most likely a sly reference to his homosexuality. And that bit about the "Ice Man" is probably a sarcastic reference to Obama's having reportedly said no to the operation three separate times (as he was advised to by Valerie Jarrett) before he finally relented and gave the go ahead.

Dowd also refers to Obama's narcissism:

I empathize with you about being thin-skinned. When you hate being criticized, it’s hard to take a giant steaming plate of “you stink” every day, coming from all sides.

One of the most prominent characteristics of a narcissistic personality, of course, is that they can't stand being criticized. And the "all sides" is a way of pointing out that even a lot of Democrats are fed up with him these days. 

It took them long enough.

Honey, sweetie…..

If you listen to this extended version of the tape of the conversation between Donald Sterling and his ex-mistress V. Stiviano, two things become apparent.

The first is that she is obviously trying to draw him out on the subject of race.

And the second is that she lards her conversation with so many "honey's" and "sweetie's" that you feel you need an insulin shot after listening to her for a while.

Her first line in the tape is, "Honey, I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

(Her syrupy tone of voice makes it hard not to hear: "If you want a blow job, I'll give you one.")

Meanwhile, she's taping him.

None of this is to excuse Sterling, but….beware of anyone who coos "honey" and "sweetie" all the time.

Donald Sterling, an enigma wrapped inside a billionaire

(Donald Sterling and V. Stiviano)

One aspect of the Donald Sterling brouhaha which doesn't quite make sense to me is, if he didn't approve of publicly associating with black people, why does he own a basketball team?

As you've undoubtedly heard by now, Sterling, the owner of the Los Angeles Clippers, made the following comments to his girlfriend, V. Stiviano, as quoted by TMZ:

"It bothers me a lot that you want to broadcast that you’re associating with black people. Do you have to?"

"You can sleep with [black people]. You can bring them in, you can do whatever you want. The little I ask you is not to promote it on that ... and not to bring them to my games."

"I’m just saying, in your lousy f******* Instagrams, you don’t have to have yourself with, walking with black people."

"...Don't put him [Magic] on an Instagram for the world to have to see so they have to call me. And don't bring him to my games."

Sterling, a slumlord, also paid 2.7 million dollars in a suit brought by the Justice Department in 2009 for discrimination against blacks and Hispanics and families with children. He has, according to Wikipedia, been quoted as saying that Hispanics "smoke, drink and just hang around the building," and that "black tenants smell and attract vermin."

What I don't get is, if you dislike blacks so much, why not buy a hockey team? Or a polo team? Why not finance a sailing yacht for America's Cup?

The other thing which doesn't quite make sense to me is, if he doesn't want black people coming to his games, why does he himself have a girlfriend -- now an ex-girlfriend -- who herself was part Mexican and part black? And isn't he, by hiring the various Clipper players, bringing blacks to his games? Also, what exactly is the percentage in telling your part black girlfriend not to publicly associate with other blacks?

Sterling seems a bit conflicted, an angle the media hasn't seen fit to mention.

One has to wonder what it is in his background that makes him so confused. He was born Donald Tokowitz (he added the "Sterling" as an adult) to two Jewish immigrants, both of whom undoubtedly came to this glorious melting pot to escape the kind of narrow-minded prejudice and provincial attitudes which had bedeviled them in the old country.

Sterling married a woman named Rochelle Stein, so he didn't stray far from the reservation when it came to forming a family himself. His experiences as a lawyer and landlord undoubtedly helped shape his attitudes towards other races. But that didn't stop him from more recently having a black/Mexican girlfriend -- who presumably didn't hang out smoking, drinking, smelling bad, and attracting vermin.

As of yet, Donald Sterling is an enigma yet to be fully understood.

Of course, part of the explanation to his behavior probably has to do with his billionaire status; after years of having people kiss his behind, his social antennae have undoubtedly become a bit blunted.

All of which makes me think that having one's antennae blunted because the only way people relate to you is to say "Yes sir," and "You're the greatest, sir," and "I don't care how old you are, you're just incredibly sexy," must be a very pleasant experience.

"Inside the mad world of modern art"

A pretty good summary of the insanity of the modern art world, from this morning's NY Post.

I would think that some of the patrons who buy these ridiculous pieces of "art" for tens of millions of dollars would have nightmares about waking up one day to find that the world had suddenly come to its senses and that not only were their collections worthless, but they themselves were laughingstock.

Unanswered questions Part VII

More mugshots and descriptions of crimes from the Huffpost, with my comments in italics.

Kola J. McGrathKola J. McGrath

Kola J. McGrath was arrested for sneaking into her boyfriend's apartment complex by hiding in a small pink suitcase in Portland, Ore. The police searched the apartment of Curtis T. Lowe after being informed that a man had kidnapped a woman, put her in a suitcase, and taken her into the building. They found McGrath hiding in a closet.

Why would McGrath have to sneak into her boyfriend's apartment in the first place? She certainly looks old enough to be carrying on a consensual relationship, unless the meth she's taken (note the sunken features) has aged her prematurely. And wouldn't it get awfully claustrophobic inside a suitcase?

Pocohontas

Luerissie Ashley Rose -- who is also a stripper called Pocohontas -- was arrested in February after she allegedly lured a man to his death and shot another in two robberies in Houston.

"Pocohontas" is cute enough to be a stripper, but did whoever gave her that name actually think customers would believe she was Native American? Didn't the real Pocohontas live in Virginia? Did Luerissie start to identify with Pocohontas and feel regretful for having originally saved John Smith?

Clyde Hobbs

Clyde Hobbs was arrested in May, 2012 for allegedly calling 911 at least 17 times -- to talk dirty to operators. He'd been arrested several times in the past for the same crime. When cops arrived to collar him, Hobbs asked, "Are you here to arrest me again?"

How much more put off would those 911 operators have been had they known what Mr. Hobbs looked like? Doesn't Mr. Hobbs appear more angry than horny? Mr. Hobbs looks like a man who enjoys his beverages; are there any honest liquor companies out there who would consider using him in their promotional campaigns? Was Mr. Hobbs asking that question rhetorically, or was he genuinely baffled as to why the police were there? 

Aaron Latham

Latham, 22, allegedly got naked, stole a man's truck and then ran it into the front of a home at 50 mph.

Which drugs did he ingest beforehand and how much of them did he take? How out of your mind do you have to be to do that? Why do certain drugs so often make guys want to get naked, even when they have no one to have sex with?

Michael Baker

Michael Baker was arrested after posting a Facebook photo of himself stealing gas from a police car in Jenkins, Ky.

Did Baker show those cops or what?! Did Baker believe that one's Facebook page is viewable only by one's friends? At what age do you suppose Baker will grow up?

Ray Woods

Ray Woods allegedly tied 89 bags of heroin and cocaine to his penis. When cops found him out, he reportedly urinated all over himself.

If Ray hadn't been black, wouldn't he only have had space for around 60 or so bags? Wouldn't most self-respecting heroin dealers not piss themselves when caught? Or was that simply an attempt to prevent the police from examining those bags? 

Keith Fehr

Keith Fehr is accused of wearing a black dress and exposing himself to children at a park in Illinois.

Very few transvestites are flashers, and very few flashers are transvestites; what psychological twist accounts for Mr. Fehr's rare combination of perversions? Do you like the goatee-and-dress look Mr. Fehr is sporting above? Doesn't he look more like a serial killer than anything else? 

William Bliss

William Bliss was arrested in March, 2012 after claiming four men made him carry a nuclear bomb -- while he was naked and drunk in the middle of an Iowa City street.

Has the Department of Homeland Security been notified? And how can al Qaeda be so dumb as to pick a naked man to be their nuclear suicide bomber? What did the police do with the bomb they confiscated?

Christina Lopez

Salem police say surveillance video shows Christina Lopez watched her 17-year-old (underage) daughter dance at Presley's Playhouse Cabaret, a strip club in Oregon.

Did Lopez ask her daughter for a lap dance? Did she tip her? Aren't there porn films with similar plot lines?

Philomena

Rented Philomena last night. It was as good as advertised. The (somewhat) true story was affecting, the writing was good, and the acting by both Steve Coogan and Judi Dench was pitch perfect.

It is annoying the movie to know that this slap in the face of the Catholic Church by Harvey Weinstein will go unanswered. (All religions -- including Catholicism -- have been guilty of many sins, but the one way flow of propaganda coming out of Hollywood gets tiresome.)

That aside, the movie was quite good. I recommend it.

My son had a different take. He groaned a couple times during the movie, and seemed distracted by his iPhone. Towards the end, he said, "This movie would be so much better if the Predator would appear in those trees and attack those people."

I replied, "Come on, you have to admit, this is pretty moving."

He retorted, "Yeah, it's moving alright. It's moving my eyelids from the up position to the down position."

Unanswered questions Part VI

In January of 2012 this blog had a series of posts based on the Huffpost's collection of mugshots of dumb criminals. I suggested that the crimes raised more questions than they answered. Here are parts II, III, IV, and V of that series.

The Huffpost has since added more mugshots to their collection. The pictures and descriptions of the crimes are theirs; the questions below in italics are mine.

Darron Lynn Koenig

Koenig was accused in February, 2013 of throwing hammers at Texas construction workers and then baracading himself inside his residence when police arrived to arrest him.

Does Mr. Koenig think that hairstyle is flattering? Does he think the centipede tattooed on his chest is sexy? Who should be more embarrassed, Mr. Koenig for his appearance, or the Huffpost writers for not knowing how to spell "barricading?"

Garrett Michael Hoover

Hoover was arrested for disorderly conduct in South Carolina on November 16, 2012. But, more importantly, he's "down to boink."

Does Mr. Hoover feel that girls will be more forthcoming with their favors if he advertises his attitude? How high was he when he had that written on his face? If that is a permanent tattoo (it looks more like the work of a Magic Marker), how will it affect his future job prospects?

Arthur Brundage

Police in Syracuse, N.Y., say Arthur Brundage robbed a bank and then came back to claim he was shortchanged on the loot.

Given his attitude toward the bank and the expression on his face, do you think Mr. Brundage is the kind of easy-going guy who's fun to hang out with? Think Mr. Brundage's fellow inmates will make fun of him? 

Then again, what if the teller told him the bag was full of tens and twenties when it was only filled with ones and fives? Should he not feel cheated? First the mortgage crisis, now this; should we not all be on our guard against those heartless banks? 

Raymond Garcia

Garcia, 45, was arrested after cops saw him fighting a street sign.

From the looks of Mr. Garcia, the street sign throws a pretty mean punch; was it arrested as well? Was it ever resolved who started the fight?

John Caruso

John Caruso is accused of squirting dish soap in his girlfriend's mouth in an attempt to stop her from cursing.

That was actually the traditional punishment for children who used foul language; why has it now been criminalized? Would Mr. Caruso have been arrested had he just pulled his girlfriend's pants down and spanked her? Does his girlfriend still swear?

Chad William Forber

Forber, 41, has been charged with possession of methamphetamine, resisting or obstructing a peace officer and possession of drug paraphernalia, stemming from an incident where he was found naked in public covered in nothing but Crisco.

Forber looks at least ten years older than his age; is that more a function of his meth habit or of using Crisco rather than Oil of Olay to keep his skin young? 

Joyce Coffey

Joyce Coffey was arrested four times in 26 hours for blasting the AC/DC song "Highway to Hell" and other loud music from her home and for throwing a frying pan.

Joyce doesn't look the violent type; think she might have been on meth? Meth seems to give even mousy middle-aged housewives the outlook and temperament of the 22-year-old Mike Tyson; does that not make it sound incredibly appealing? Then again, doesn't use of the drug inevitably lead one down the highway to hell?

Eric Butkiewicz

Eric Butkiewicz

Patriotically-adorned Butkiewicz, 31, was arrested in the wee hours of the morning after Independence Day for allegedly dealing drugs at Miami's posh Fontainebleu Hotel.

Is patriotism not the last bastion of the scoundrel? Isn't it disgusting how some people think that if they wrap themselves in the flag they can get away with anything? Or did Mr. Butkiewicz just have his face painted because he was tired of having people tell him he looked like Channing Tatum?

Lindsay Medd Stevens

Stevens was arrested by police in Knoxville, Tenn., for indecent exposure after his neighbor saw him cutting a tree down -- while completely in the buff. Knox County sheriff's deputy Scott Ritch told WATE-TV that he saw Stevens standing completely nude in his yard cutting a tree, only to run inside the house when he saw the officer.

Haven't chainsaws been known to cut off appendages? And given the condition of Mr. Steven's forehead, shouldn't he be worried about sun damage to the rest of his body?

Robert Gernot

Gernot was accused of threatening his neighbor by saying, "When I get done taking a s--t, I'm gonna kick your f---ing a--!"

Did Mr. Gernot get in a better mood after he was no longer constipated? Does an angry disposition turn one's hair prematurely white? 

Vladimir Mishkov

Mishkov is accused of masturbating in front of a jail employee on his way to court to face a previous flashing charge.

His first name indicates Mr. Mishkov might be a recent immigrant; has anyone considered that his behavior is merely a cultural difference? Aren't we supposed to pride ourselves on our multiculturalism?

Chechens

Most Americans first became vaguely aware of Chechens as the combative people in the Caucasus who seemed to be constantly at odds with the Russians.

After the Boston Marathon bombing, American awareness of Chechens and their national character became more acute.

With the publicity attendant on the first anniversary of that bombing, Chechens are again in the news.  This recent video of a group of Chechens capturing an escaped brown bear might lend some additional insight into their character. The bear's not quite full grown, but still….it's not exactly how Americans would do it.

"Out of the Furnace"

My son and I saw Out of the Furnace this past weekend. It was slow-moving, heavy-handed, and predictable, your basic revenge film. Christian Bale and Woody Harrelson did their usual good jobs, but there wasn't much they could do with the script.

The movie also featured Casey Affleck as a veteran of Iraq around whose self-destructiveness much of the plot revolved:

My son, an Afghanistan vet, was utterly disgusted by the portrayal. He said, "The Hollywood types who made this movie have obviously never hung out with real vets. First of all, no Army guy would ever cover himself in Army tattoos like that. The guys I knew might get one Army tattoo at most; but the whole point of tattoos is to show your individuality and that you're badass, not that you're part of a large organization.

"Secondly, no self-respecting vet would wear the lower half of his ACU's [Army combat uniform] to engage in a bare knuckle prize fight.

"And finally, I guess they had to evoke every cliche in the war book, like how he saw a dying child, and how terrible it was for him to see body parts. And then he has to ham it up and scream histrionically at his brother so we can feel his anguish.

"What an annoying asswipe. I hope he [the character in the movie] dies."

Mini-Me

I was looking at "Traffic sources" in the Statistics section of my blog and saw that I'd gotten a number of referrals from a blog called Coming Out of The Crazy Closet. When I looked at the blog, it turned out that its proprietor, one Connie Stevy, had copied some of my posts word for word without giving me credit. The reason I had gotten those referrals was that in a few of the posts she copied I had inserted links to previous posts of mine.

In fact, 26 of Stevy's last 51 posts (including 4 of her last 5) are simply direct lifts from this blog. (Click on the above link, you can see for yourself.) It's flattering in a way, but it's also infuriating. It's nice to be reproduced or linked elsewhere, but this is the first time I know of where someone has simply tried to pass my words off as her own.

She seemed to favor the prison pen pal posts and various posts on Obama, along with a smattering of others. When she's not lifting my material, she mostly posts about interior decoration; I have no idea whether those posts are original or not. In a couple of posts she references and posts pictures of herself; she's quite pretty -- if those are actually photographs of her.

I was going to write the following comment on her blog, "Love your blog -- it's brilliant! Where do you get all your ideas?" But she didn't set her blog up to allow for comments.

There are also no dates on the blog (other than months without years). The last month listed is December, and her latest posts are mostly lifted from December 2012 on my blog, so it seems she's stopped "writing."

If she starts another blog, she really ought to title it, Coming Out of The Plagiarism Closet.

William Shatner

The other day my son pointed out a video of William Shatner "singing" (speaking) the words to Elton John's Rocket Man, from 1978. (Shatner's part starts about 50 seconds into the video.)

My son said, "Can you imagine what a tool this guy is, to speak the song this way, thinking he's being really cool?"

Shatner, wearing a tuxedo and smoking a cigarette, exudes an air of self-importance and egotism so strong it has to be seen to be believed.

My son continued, "You should hear his rendition of Mr. Tambourine Man, where he does this incredibly hammy, anguished, Shakespearian interpretation. It's really painful to watch."

My son watched it with me anyway, and couldn't stop giggling the entire time.

The videos make one think of Galaxy Quest, the excellent 1999 comedy which spoofed Shatner's legendary ego and referenced his castmates' utter contempt for him.

The weird thing is, it wasn't just William Shatner who thought his "singing" would be a success. His agent undoubtedly told him it was a good idea and would sell. A band agreed to back him up. A producer produced it. A record company marketed it. And distributors sold it.

It was mass insanity.

You have to wonder what the musical types who were involved in this production thought as they made it. How many of them secretly snickered, or at the very least, had to hide their disgust at Shatner's massacre of perfectly good songs?

Gun-free zones

All big Army bases  -- like Ft. Hood -- might as well post those signs which announce "Gun-free zone." Which pretty much translates as, "Shoot at will; we will not resist."

For someone bent on mayhem, can there possibly be a more open invitation? 

Many are now suggesting that the Army reconsider its no-gun policy on bases, and that a percentage of military personnel on base be allowed to carry in order to avert another mass killing like the ones perpetrated by Ivan Lopez and Nidal Hasan. 

Has there ever been a more self-defeating policy? Does anyone think that some crazed killer is going to see a ""Gun-free zone" sign and think, "Oops, I guess I better carry out my mass shooting somewhere else -- it would actually be illegal here."

How could they possibly be more inviting? A few possibilities:

Only nice people allowed on premises!

We promise not to shoot back. 

Defenseless wishful thinkers area

Victims inside!

C'mon in! We're unarmed and un-dangerous!

The sign basically paraphrases the NRA's "If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns."

If the anti-gun crowd did have their way and private ownership of guns was banned, how would people react? I imagine suburban homeowners would be disgruntled, and complain, but most would probably end up turning in their guns.

But would the criminals turn in their guns? Hmm…..here's how the gun control crowd evidently expects them to react: 

The Mafia: "We better turn our Uzis in. They're against the law now." 

The Russian Mafia: "No more Uzis for us. It's back to the good old days of just knives and garrotes." 

And the Crips and Bloods would sigh, "West Side Story, here we come -- we're just going to have to have our rumbles with chains and switchblades from here on."

So….with law-abiding people unarmed, and criminals armed, will that make for a better society? Just ask the folks at Ft. Hood.

Questions about the college players' union

A recent article pointed out that the impetus behind the new college players' union is coming from the United Steelworkers Union, which funded the case. And the NLRB -- the same organization which tried to prevent Boeing from opening up a new plant in South Carolina -- passed judgment. Evidently the unions see a chance to collect more dues.

The rationale is that colleges make millions off their football programs, both in TV revenue and alumni donations, but the athletes themselves get no compensation beyond their scholarships.

One wonders exactly how this will work. Let's say these student/athletes end up being paid a couple hundred thousand a year: how much resentment would this engender among the other students? Would they still root for their college team?

Unionization certainly puts into clear relief that certain "students" are attending college mostly to play ball. That big time college football and basketball players are not serious students is hardly a secret, but how much more scrutiny will their farcical academic credentials withstand before serious questions start being asked about whether this situation should be allowed to continue?

The vast majority of colleges will doubtless harrumph and insist they are serious educational institutions, not factories for future pro athletes. (Does any academic ever pass up a chance to sniff at a lesser college?)

The essential power of a union lies in its ability to call a strike. How exactly would that work for a college football team? They would seem to lack leverage, since their only alternative is the pros, which most of them aren't good enough for. What kind of bargaining position does that give these unions?

There are plenty of students who played high school ball but weren't good enough to make their college teams who'd jump at the chance to take the place of the striking players. Would these "scabs" be ostracized by the first string players? Would they have to cross picket lines to attend practice?

What if one of these second string teams ended up playing in a big game? It would probably end up getting more publicity -- and possibly even paying fans -- than a normal game. It's not hard to figure out whom the average American fan would be rooting for in that situation. That fan might be disappointed in the lack of a Hollywood ending to the game; nonetheless, he would still be interested enough to watch.

So will we ever see a situation in which the Chicago Bears and University of Oklahoma get into a bidding war for the services of a star running back? Doubtful.

Part of the rationale behind the NLRB's decision was that the football players devote a lot of time to their sport as well as having to take courses. But if having to take courses as well as train for a sport is a "job," then why don't the rest of the student/athletes unionize? Because the less publicized sports don't make money for their colleges.

But that still begs the question of why their campus existence is any less of a job. Don't swimmers, rowers, and cross country runners work even harder at their "jobs" than do football players? Especially when you take into account the GPA's and graduation rates of those teams vs. the football and basketball teams?

Here's another way to look at it. Maybe the colleges where the athletes have honed their skills and gotten national exposure should demand a cut, say 15%, of the athletes' future earnings from their sport. After all, they've helped the players develop as athletes, all while giving them a free education and room ad board to boot. 

These colleges are effectively coach, agent, and benefactor all at once. 

So, how about it? Shouldn't they get a cut of those fat NFL salaries?

Sounds like a case the NLRB might be sympathetic towards. As long as the colleges are willing to pay union dues.

Workouts as windows to personality

My son recently mentioned something he'd just read: that you can tell everything you need to know about someone from watching him work out. I thought about it, and realized it's true.

Working out is something you generally do purely of your own volition. It's not like the Army, or even a corporation, where you're expected to conform. So you can find out a lot about someone's personality from watching him work out.

Does he work hard at it? Does he break a sweat? There are those, mostly women, who don't even break a sweat on the treadmill.

Does he know what he's doing? Does he work his entire body, or just his upper body? (Any guy who works only his upper body is almost guaranteed to have an IQ below 110.)

Does he do exercises which utilize his entire body, or does he isolate the Hollywood muscles? (One guy can move well, the other generally can't; there's an IQ correlation here as well.)

Does a woman work her upper body as well, or just her legs and tummy and tush? If the latter, she is doing it purely for sex appeal, and has zero interest in athleticism. 

Does he look in the mirror a lot? Does he seem to like what he sees? You can get a good read on the ego-meter from that.

Can he work out by himself or does he need workout buddies to keep him motivated? (Is he a peer pressure-type or does he actually have any will power?)

Does he prefer exercise classes? (Sheep alert! Or, possibly, voyeur alert.)

Does he vary his effort depending on whether someone else is watching? (If so, don't expect honesty in other regards.)

Does he/she spend a lot of money on his/her workout outfit? (There's an imperfect but generally inverse correlation between the expensiveness of the outfit and the seriousness of the workout.)

Does he/she read a book while he works out? If so, he's not putting much effort into it. And you probably won't want to have lunch with him, because he'll be spending most of his time staring at his cellphone.

Is he more into lifting or cardio? One kind of guy wants to be more manly, the other wants to live forever, and each will probably express that dynamic in every other facet of his life. (Marathoners don't drive Ford 150 pickups, and power lifters don't drive Volvos.)

Is he the type who talks about his workout plan but always finds an excuse not to stick to it? (Don't expect him to stick to anything else either.)

How neurotic is he? If he misses an exercise, will it really bother him? (If so, don't expect him to be flexible in other regards.)

Does he use good form? Does he bridle if you suggest a change? (That's his whole personality right there.)

Is he willing to share whichever machine he's using? (A hog is a hog everywhere.)

Bad hair days for all

A recent article in the NY Post said that Kim Jong Un, North Korea's leader, had ordered all the men in his country to get his haircut:

If you knew absolutely nothing else about North Korea, that one little fact is all you'd really need to pretty much understand what kind of country it is.

Just as a brief snapshot of someone's personality can sometimes give you all the information you need to make an informed judgment about him (for instance, that he treats waiters badly), so too can a snapshot of a country suffice.

It's not that North Korea hasn't given us plenty of similar snippets before. During the reign of Kim Jong Il, the current leader's father, the North Korean press announced -- with a straight face -- that he "regularly" hit four or five holes-in-one during each round of golf that he played.

Like father, like son.

It's tempting for a libertarian to attribute all this ridiculousness to communism, but in fact, while North Korea calls itself a communist country, it's really just another tin pot dictatorship run by a dangerous megalomaniac. North Korea could call itself a socialist paradise, or a capitalist empire, or even Eden, and it would all be equally meaningless: it would still be the same thing, Kim Jong Un's personal fiefdom.

How to succeed in journalism without really trying

Former television anchor Willow Bay has just been appointed director of USC's journalism school. She was until recently a senior editor at the Huffington Post, and has hosted Good Morning America and NBA Inside Stuff as well as other shows. She started her career as a Ford model.

She also happens to be the wife of Bob Iger, CEO of the Walt Disney Co. (They are pictured above.)

Bay went to Andover, Penn, and NYU's Stern School of Business, so for all I know she has an IQ of 150.

But there are plenty of others with her academic credentials who never achieved a fraction of her success. Most of them got stuck writing about local news for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch or the Spokane Spokesman-Review.

Their problem was, they just weren't good-looking enough. I'm not sure exactly how a pleasing facial physiognomy helps one craft more insightful editorials, but evidently it does.

This blog has previously discussed men who've parlayed their bodies into success in fields where their physicality should theoretically not matter.

Bay is part of an even larger tradition of women who have parlayed their looks into power and prestige.

It's highly doubtful she would ever have been hired as a television anchor had it not been for the physical attributes that helped her as a Ford model. It's also doubtful that Bob Iger would have married her if not for those same attributes. (I think I can make both those statements with great certainty.)

And once she had those things on her resume, all sorts of other doors opened for her. Including those at USC.

There are undoubtedly some people at the school -- grumpy old profs who see journalism as a sacred calling -- who are muttering similar sentiments right now.

But USC in fact made a commonsensical decision. Most heads of academic institutions are primarily glad-handers and fundraisers for their schools. And frankly, whom would you rather shake hands with, some bitter, cynical old rummy who takes his craft seriously, or a beauty like Bay?

Bay's connections will certainly not hurt. Think some money from her former employers at the networks will find its way into USC's endowment? Think any Disney money might possibly wend its way there?

Of course, nobody associated with the school will admit to any of this publicly. All of their talk will be about journalistic integrity, reporting the news in unbiased fashion, the duty of the press in a free society, and so on.

Bay herself will undoubtedly participate in this charade. Who knows, she may even teach a course or two herself. They'll probably have titles like Television Journalism in the Age of the Internet and The Role of Media as Watchdog.

But in fact the courses she is best qualified to teach aspiring journalists would be:

How to shed those pesky pounds around your tummy and thighs

How to find the best plastic surgeon

How to appear perky on TV

How to snag a rich and influential husband

And the best advice she can give those students is, "If you want to be successful, be good-looking. Very good-looking. Then everything else will just fall into place."

"Naked and Afraid"

The TV show Naked and Afraid is an intriguing concept: putting two people into the jungle and seeing if they can survive for 21 days and reach a certain destination point. (I think many of us have wondered how we'd fare in similar circumstances.)

The show is also marketed well: though it has nothing to do with sex, its title implies that it does, and it's always a man paired with a woman, who meet each other for the first time in a remote location, stark naked (they are strategically blurred onscreen).

All of the people who volunteer for the show are always self-styled survivalists, or wilderness experts. But a lot of them in fact seem to be no such thing. A fair number of them, especially the women, seem to rely on their partner to do most of the work.

The show is most interesting as a study in psychological endurance: how long will people go sleep-deprived and food-deprived before they give up, or at least become dispirited. (It doesn't take long.) While it's not clear how much real danger the cast members are in, they are inevitably tested to the limits of their endurance, and all lose weight during the 21 days.

Watching the show, it's hard not to wonder how the human race survived the Stone Age.

A more accurate name for the show would have been Tired and Hungry and Dirty. But that wouldn't have had the allure of Naked and Afraid.

It's hard not to wonder what the sexual dynamic is, at least at first, between the two castmates. Surprisingly, it's almost nonexistent, at least after the first hour or so. The presence of the cameramen must quash whatever friskiness they might have initially felt, then, soon enough, they're basically starving, filthy, and covered with mosquito bites, none of which exactly encourage romance.

On top of that, the man and woman sometimes end up resenting each other.

But by the standards of reality shows, it seems quite real, and that's what makes it interesting. The cast members' discouragement doesn't seem faked, and you don't get the impression that the cameramen are feeding them MetRx bars on the side, or that they're sleeping in posh hotels when the cameras aren't rolling (as Bear Grylls evidently did in Man vs. Wild).

That original "reality" show, Survivor, was summer camp by comparison.

The show is worth a watch, just don't expect titillation. It's more about the soft porn of watching other human beings break down.

Evander Holyfield and steroids

I remember watching the Holyfield-Tyson fights of 1996 and 1997, and thinking how magnificent they looked. Both men entered the ring superbly muscled, each looking like testosterone personified. With Tyson, it was natural; he had been an abnormally thickly-muscled specimen from the time he was 13.

With Holyfield, in retrospect, it was not. He had been the Olympic bronze medalist in the light heavyweight (178 pound) division in 1984, at age 21. He then turned pro, campaigning first as a light heavyweight (175 pounds in the pro ranks), then as a cruiserweight (190 pounds). He won the cruiserweight title at age 24, in 1986. In 1988 he announced that he was moving up to heavyweight.

By the early 1990's Holyfield was a lean 215 pounds. People wondered how he had put on so much muscle so quickly. Holyfield attributed it to his revamped exercise and diet regimen under new trainer Mackie Shillstone.

Here's Holyfield after he had already put on 15 pounds to win the cruiserweight title:

And here here are two pictures of him as heavyweight champion:

You just don't put on that kind of muscle through sparring, hitting the bag, and roadwork. You don't even put it on through weight-lifting.

The dead giveaway with steroids is not just how much muscle you put on, but how it goes on. Steroids always seem to turn the trapezius muscles (which run from the shoulder to the neck) convex, and also give a weird emphasis to the definition between the pectoral muscles.

Here is what Wikipedia had to say about recent allegations that Holyfield had used steroids:

On February 28, 2007, Holyfield was anonymously linked to Applied Pharmacy Services, a pharmacy in Alabama that is currently under investigation for supplying athletes with illegal steroids and human growth hormone (HGH). He denies ever using performance enhancers.

Holyfield's name does not appear in the law enforcement documents reviewed. However, a patient by the name of "Evan Fields" caught investigators' attention. "Fields" shares the same birth date as Holyfield—October 19, 1962. The listed address for "Fields" was 794 Evander, Fairfield, Ga. 30213. Holyfield has a very similar address. When the phone number that, according to the documents, was associated with the "Fields" prescription, was dialed, Holyfield answered.

But we really didn't need all that to know. The only evidence we really needed was visual. 

I point this out because Holyfield is such a perfect example of what steroids do to you: they make you magnificent, in a slightly misshapen way.

None of this, by the way, is to suggest that Holyfield wasn't an extremely brave fighter. He never gave up against the larger, stronger Riddick Bowe, and he wasn't intimidated by Mike Tyson, the most feared fighter of the era. In interviews, he comes across likable and unpretentious. He was in many ways the epitome of a noble warrior; it's just that there was one way in which his nobility was tarnished. 

Why opposites attract

Most people seem to have a "type" to whom they're physically attracted. And it is often said that opposites attract. It seems that quite often, a person's "type" will be someone with whose genes they might combine with their own to produce good-looking offspring.

Therefore, people will often desire partners who will offset their own aesthetic flaws. Someone with a weak chin will be attracted to people with stronger chins, someone with a bulbous nose will be attracted to people with sharper noses, skinny will be attracted to strong, etc.

It's quite possible for two opposites, neither of whom is particularly good-looking, to produce attractive offspring. You see that all the time.

It make evolutionary sense that such an instinct -- attraction to opposites -- would have been bred into us. Genetic fitness is not purely a matter of having a lot of offspring yourself, it's a matter of having enough offspring who have their own offspring.