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Friday, May 22, 2009

Father of the Year

The following item appeared this morning in Yahoo News:

"JONESBORO, Ga. – A Georgia man is sentenced to 100 years in prison for poisoning his children to extort money from Campbell's Soup Co.

"William Cunningham was sentenced Thursday after a jury found him guilty on seven counts of aggravated assault for forcing the children in 2006 to eat soup laced with prescription drugs and lighter fluid.

"His 3-year-old son and 18-month-old daughter were hospitalized twice. A family member said the youngsters may suffer lifelong respiratory problems from lung damage caused by the lighter fluid.

"Cunningham's wife has since divorced him.

"Cunningham pleaded guilty in 2007 to a federal charge of making false claims against Campbell's Soup by threatening to sue them over the contaminated soup."

There are high IQ crimes and low IQ crimes. This is not one of the former.

A more appropriate punishment for Cunningham would be to have to imbibe that same nourishing formula he provided his children, once a month, for as many of those hundred years as he lasts.

A little more eye-for-an-eye Old Testament spirit in our legal system would undoubtedly have a dampening effect on our crime rates. There are practical limits to this: you can't kill Ted Bundy thirty-six times, nor, unfortunately, are there fifty billion dollars to steal back from Bernie Madoff. But to the extent you can take a tooth for a tooth, it would certainly serve justice.

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