Aging

When I was young and I saw older guys with hair coming out of their ears, I would think, ugh, how gross.

Now, of course, I need to groom there.

When I was young and I would see old guys with their stomachs sagging over their belts, I would vow never to get let that happen to me.

But skin is basically like a rubber band that just loses its elasticity over time, and there's little that can be done about it. As I have discovered.

When I was young and would see old guys fall asleep in front of the TV, I would think, how pathetic: why don't they just turn it off when they feel themselves getting tired?

Now my television is like a second mother, singing me lullabies every evening.

I was always nearsighted, so couldn't get my mind around the concept that some people needed glasses to see things up close. After I got LASIKS, I was proud to finally see both near and far.

Now I have a hard time focusing on the crossword puzzle in the morning. But I still refuse to get reading glasses. Nothing says old (and disapproving) like staring over a pair of half-moons.

When I was young and would hear about older people not being able to sleep through the night, I would think, they're just not exercising hard enough.

Now I know that's not the case.

When I was young, I never actually thought that I wouldn't get old. But I did sorta feel that way.

Mark Twain was right: life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

Now that I think of it, that would actually make death a lot sadder. (Death is easier to face if you're half dead already.) But life would certainly be happier.