Why not force gangs to integrate?

When the Augusta golf club was still all-white a few years back, it became a national story. When the NYFD didn't have a proportionate number of black firefighters, a judge's order rectified the situation. If a private corporation hasn't hired enough minorities, the Department of Justice will come calling. If a college isn't fully committed to diversity, an outcry will ensue.

But there is one class of organization in this country which remain stubbornly monochromatic, yet no one raises a stink about it.

It's high time we brought the benefits of diversity to gangs.

So far both the Mexican Mafia and Nuestra Familia have remained obstinately Hispanic. MS-13 is even more exclusive: it allows only Salvadorans, not even other Hispanics.

The Crips and Bloods have remained entirely black. Neither group has made the slightest attempt to foster diversity among their ranks. It's high time they practiced a little affirmative action of their own. (That sounds like a cause Eric Holder can get behind: forcibly integrating the Crips and Bloods. Where's the Justice Department when you need them?)

The same goes for the Aryan Brotherhood. Why complain about Silicon Valley having only 3 or 4% black workers when the Brotherhood has 0%? Do they not understand that our diversity is our strength?

Or how about the traditional Italian Mafia -- what's with all this old-fashioned stuff about how it's easier to become a made man if you're Sicilian? That sounds suspiciously like discrimination.

The Chinese tongs are -- to the best of my knowledge -- similarly discriminatory. Can't they find any blacks or Hispanics to hire? Or even Japanese?

Why doesn't some ambitious DA who wants to make his name file suit?

Of course, the very idea is ridiculous. These are criminal organizations. And although they can pay well for those at the top, they file no tax returns, are not officially incorporated, and offer no health plans. Plus, no members of other races have thus far applied to these gangs.

On the other hand, many legitimate businesses have started off as criminal enterprises, so to join these gangs might be to effectively get in on the ground floor. And even if they don't go legit, there is always money to be made from shakedowns, drug running, and prostitution.

So by depriving other races of membership, doesn't this prevent equality of opportunity?

If the Justice Department were to bring a class action suit, it would certainly go a long way towards dismantling the gangs. Imagine how well these gangs would function if each were forced to hire a diversity officer, and the dominant group were forced to attend sensitivity training seminars? Imagine how hamstrung the gangs would be if minority gang members were encouraged to bring suit if they felt they were slighted in any way, or denied promotions they deserved?

Management would have to spend an inordinate amount of energy fighting such suits, and would have fewer resources left for their core businesses.

Honestly, I can't think of a better way to destroy the gangs.