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Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Stupidity, unnatural beauty, natural beauty, and wisdom

By now you've undoubtedly heard of the mix-up at the Miss Universe contest, when emcee Steve Harvey mistakenly announced that Miss Colombia was the winner over Miss Philippines.

It was actually sorta funny -- if you have a twisted sense of humor.

The funniest thing may have been Steve Harvey's subsequent Tweet:

(To the best of my knowledge, that Ivy League school does not hold a beauty contest. "Philippians" sounds like a book in the Bible. And while Harvey made both an honest mistake and a terrible one, was it really "terribly honest" as well?)

This sends a clear message to all young students: hit those geography books, study your syntax, and you, too, might become successful enough to announce the Miss Universe contest.

You can't really be angry at Harvey, though. It was an honest mistake, he owned up to it, and he obviously felt bad about it afterwards.

What I was really struck by when I first saw a clip of the incident was how unnatural Miss Colombia looked:

She seems to have had a lot of work done. Those big lips simply don't go with that narrow nose, which makes it appear as if at least one, and probably both, were surgically altered. Her cheeks look unnaturally full, as if she's had implants. Her eyebrows are obviously painted on. And she's wearing heavy makeup.

The overall effect is, one of the less wholesome showgirls in a Vegas topless revue.

Speaking of which, her skinny arms contrast sharply with her ample breasts, which indicate that those may have been enhanced as well:

It would have been more in keeping with the rest of her look to get double-D's rather than small C's, though.

Brazil, Venezuela, and Colombia have reportedly all gone plastic surgery-crazy in recent years. And a high percentage of Brazilian athletes seem to be on steroids these days. When those things are just part of the culture, it's a little harder to blame people who simply go along.

But should a contest which essentially celebrates young beauty really be encouraging that much artifice?

(The pageant now sparks the same feeling you get when you see a picture of the Mr. Universe contestants: wow, that's a lot of store-bought enhancement.)

The third place finisher, Olivia Thomas, Miss USA, has a much more natural look:

There's real hair in those eyebrows, and her face is in balance. (Which is to damn her with faint praise: she's stunningly beautiful.)

Anyway, back to the mix-up. Donald Trump, who sold the contest six months ago, at first said that this would never have happened when he owned the contest. That's a little ridiculous, as human error is always a possibility whenever humans are involved.

But then he proposed that the Miss Universe title be awarded jointly this year, which actually isn't a bad suggestion. Miss Colombia may not deserve the title based on her natural beauty, but she does deserve something as recompense for her humiliation.

Ah, the wisdom of Solomon.

Just what we'd want in a President.

And if there is zero chance that any errors would ever happen on his watch, all the better.


Anonymous said...

I watched the story on the Today show, thinking that the mistake was stupid on the part of the emcee. Also, I personally think that the show should get a different host in the future - Steve Harvey is a physically unattractive man, not someone whom I would want to watch emceeing any show.


John Craig said...

Birdie --
I've never actually seen the Miss Universe contest on TV, though over the years I've seen plenty of pictures of contestants and winners. Harvey has the game show host personality, which is what they want for this type of event. Showmanship ranks ahead of literacy. Frankly, you wouldn't want your average high school English teacher to be hosting the affair.

As far as his looks, maybe they chose him to make the contestants look better, who knows.

Anonymous said...

Steve Harvey would be the perfect fit as the Obama Admin's press secretary.

John Craig said...

Anon --

Actually, he wouldn't, because he owns up to his mistakes.

Steven said...

At least he wrote his own statement.

John Craig said...

Steven --
Good point, he doesn't have speechwriters. Although, as with Obama, he was lost the minute the Teleprompter went blank (which it did for the final announcement, so the contestants couldn't see who the winner was ahead of time).

mark said...

Agree USA USA USA. The funny thing is I heard a couple of semi hot TV ladies discussing the Donald's suggestion. They hated it and I think the hotties are mostly right. I mean Miss Concubine deserves sympathy but giving her a title is too far. Why Steve Harvey? It is odd but I think he comes across as unthreatening and maybe the audience for the pageant finds him funnier than I do. Black celebrities seem to be over represented in these types of roles but I'm not the target audience. Really, surprised they didn't catch the error before she received the crown or that someone didn't help him on Twitter.

John Craig said...

Mark --
Actually, I just saw an article which said that Miss Colombia had gotten more publicity than any winner ever has, and that she should be grateful to Harvey. You could be right about him, he DOES come across unthreatening, which is what white audiences like about some of their black entertainers. And he's got that jovial game show host personality, and generally mugs for the camera at the right moments.

Quartermain said...

"Philippians" sounds like a book in the Bible. And while Harvey made both an honest mistake and a terrible one, was it really "terribly honest" as well?)'

I would assume Harvey grew up in a religious household, but not versed in Geography.

John Craig said...

Allan --
That makes sense. It's sort of coincidence that "Philippians" sounds like "Galatians," I'm sure he meant nothing by it. And yes, it seems he didn't spend his youth poring over geography books. I heard he didn't even bother to show up for the last hour of rehearsal for the Miss Universe show, and that's why he misread that cue card.

In the end, though, he did Gutierrez a huge favor. We'd never have heard of her if it hadn't been for his mistake. think of it this way: how many Miss Americas can you name? I can name two: Bess Myerson and Vanessa Williams. Myerson became semi-famous for other reasons, and Williams was stripped of the crown, which is how she got famous. She probably had abetter show biz career thanks to that scandal than had it not occurred.

Quartermain said...

"how many Miss Americas can you name?"

Lee Meriwether, from on top of my head. I had a huge ferocious crush on her.

John Craig said...

Allan --
That actually illustrates my point: you didn't know Meriweather as the 1955 Miss America, you knew her as an actress, as Catwoman, or as her character in Barnaby Jones, etc. had she only been a Miss America you'd never have heard of her.

I just checked her pictures out, I don't blame you for having had a crush on her, she was really beautiful.

Quartermain said...

Not to mention the Time Tunnel. She rocked my world.

Lady Bug said...

Let's lay off Harvey. He's kind of a likeable doofus, like Bert Parks was. (Although I suspect that Parks was probably pretty smart underneath it all, like Bob Barker.) And yes, Philippians is a book in the NT, a letter from Paul to some old church bigwig. I found that rather endearing.


Did you hear about the poor little Muslims who couldn't visit Disneyland with their kids? I play the world's smallest violin for these creeps, these shits, these arrogant bastards!

Read it, John. I hope your blood boils too. The usual idiots are asking Cameron to protest on behalf of the poor little aggrieved Muslims. The fuck he will. Not even Cameron the Cuck would try that with Obama. Not even him.

And what was one of the brothers doing in Tel Aviv anyway? They are likely not of Palestinian origin - probably some kind of Pakistani. My guess is that he was there to do some mischief, the Israelis had him tailed every minute of the time he was there, and they booted him when they had had enough. There is some bad shit on this guy without doubt.


John Craig said...

Lady Bug --
I DID say in the post that you can't really be angry at Harvey. (But you can't expect me not to make sport of him, either.)

Okay, I just read the article. Having seen the picture of Mahmood, I'd say he's suffering from 'roid rage. It actually did sound as if the Facebook page might have been created as a joke. (Who would advertise that they're an agent of both ISIS and al Qaeda, and even that doesn't quite make sense since the two groups are competitive with each other these days anyway.) That said, the US can't take that chance. I doubt Cameron would protest on their behalf, but if he did, he'd probably find a receptive audience in Obama.

You're right, the Israel trip does sound suspicious, though. It's not a vacation destination for a lot of Muslims.