He explained, "First of all, they attract a lot of young model-types who assume that wherever the gay guys are must be fashionable and trendy."
"Second, they add a certain air of degeneracy that makes the club feel like Weimar Berlin or something."
"And third, maybe best of all, they drive away the dumb frat boys and Wall Streeters who always ruin a club. All those guys ever want to do is impress their friends with how smart and cool and tough and good with women they are, and inevitably, they're none of those things."
Everything the young man said rang true.
I was never a nightclub denizen, but listening to the young man made me wish I had been. I was always a little too self-conscious to hang out in a place where every opening line, no matter how well-disguised, inevitably translates as "Wanna fuck?"
Maybe my problem was that I was never much of a drinker. Alcohol has been called a lot of things -- a scourge, an addiction, and a crutch, among others -- and it is all of those things. But in the short term, that crutch can do wonders for the self-confidence and nerve (the definitions of which, now that I think of it, have about a 90% overlap).
And who knows, with a drink or two in me, I might not have been as put off if one of those gay guys had made a pass at me.
If I'd been smart enough to choose the right nightclubs.
I was never a nightclub denizen, but listening to the young man made me wish I had been. I was always a little too self-conscious to hang out in a place where every opening line, no matter how well-disguised, inevitably translates as "Wanna fuck?"
Maybe my problem was that I was never much of a drinker. Alcohol has been called a lot of things -- a scourge, an addiction, and a crutch, among others -- and it is all of those things. But in the short term, that crutch can do wonders for the self-confidence and nerve (the definitions of which, now that I think of it, have about a 90% overlap).
And who knows, with a drink or two in me, I might not have been as put off if one of those gay guys had made a pass at me.
If I'd been smart enough to choose the right nightclubs.
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8 comments:
John - Yeah, the nightclub scene. I think you might have to have a certain mentality to make it in that market and as you mentioned a couple drinks. Although I participated in the 80s, it was awkward. It wasn’t a conducive atmosphere, like you, to meet women successfully. Mind you if you saw the people that met successfully you might be thankful. I can't speak to the ration of gays vs non gays then, but there were jar heads a plenty. A comedian, Doug Stanhope, said concerning alcohol and women “I always felt guilty getting drunk and trying to lie myself into some woman’s panties - so I just bought hookers, it struck me as more honest.” Nice to see you creating again.
Shaun --
Thank you. My guess is, if the bars you went to were filled with warheads, there probably weren't a lot of gays there.
Yeah, I just didn't have that mentality, in retrospect I should have drunk more.
Hey John, whilst it's nothing to do with this topic, I've been meaning to link you to a psychiatrist's blog post for a while. It's about his encounter with a suicidal teenager who turned out to be a sociopath. It's creepy af: https://www.psycritic.com/2013/06/a-chilling-encounter.html
- Gethin
Gethin --
Nice to hear from you. No question, sociopaths are the coolest people in dangerous situations. I've often been struck by their nerve, and their nonchalance in situations that would have most of us wetting our pants.
I once worked in a tall office building, on the 26th floor, and there was a fire there. The alarm rang, and we all walked out to the 26th floor lobby area, as we are supposed to, in order to then walk down the stairwell. But the stairwell was absolutely packed and people weren't moving on it, and the smell of smoke had reached my floor. So there I was, standing in the middle of a packed lobby, on the 26th floor, smelling smoke, going nowhere, feeling desperate. A couple of firemen had made their way to our floor and one of them, the black one, gave us some instructions. The other one, an older white guy, then corrected him and told us to do something else. The office sociopath, who happened to be standing next to me, laughed and said, "Don't worry, this guy's [the black guy] got things under control." He seemed to find the situation genuinely amusing; I was struck by the contrast between his state of mind and my own. I didn't show my panic, because it would have been unseemly; but the sociopath apparently didn't feel any. And that's actually typical of sociopaths.
John - After some thought - I agree - you should have drank more. I suspect where you worked, lived and frequented back in your formative years, well the pedigree of the people would probably have been significantly better than what I was exposed to. Mind you I also remember alcohol facilitating many a long night with hot waitresses that had boyfriends - that led nowhere. But were really just harmless fun..
Shaun --
Ha, yes, that's definitely good advice -- if a bit too late.
That situation with the fire would've freaked me out and would likely have played on my mind for years afterwards. My god, sometimes I wish I had the self-esteem of sociopaths. Then I remember the consequences that come from the sociopath fearlessness and realise it's probably for the best that I do experience fear; it's the most effective inhibitor.
Do you reckon these fake doctors that appear from time to time are sociopaths? https://gizmodo.com/the-fake-sex-doctor-who-conned-the-media-into-publicizi-1832711205
- Gethin
Gethin --
Yes, sociopaths are constructed differently, and I sometimes wish I had their self-confidence too. But I'm glad I didn't go through life as a sociopath:
https://justnotsaid.blogspot.com/2014/07/why-you-should-never-envy-sociopath.html
Yes, the fake doctors are unquestionably sociopaths. (Even most sociopaths wouldn't try to pull a scam like that.) Faking academic degrees seems to be a sociopathic specialty too. And the "doctors" who aren't actually doctors but who act as such are often putting their patients' lives at risk. I wrote about one of them here:
https://justnotsaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/sociopath-alert-frank-abagnale.html
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