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Friday, February 5, 2010

My Tourette Syndrome

I have recently come to the realization that I suffer from Tourette Syndrome.

This syndrome, for those of you unfamiliar with it, is the neurological disorder which causes its victims to engage in involuntary movements (tics) and vocalizations. In its most well known manifestation, the sufferer will yell out swear words, or something equally offensive and inappropriate. People who suffer from the disease have no control over their actions and words.

It is estimated that 200,000 Americans suffer from the most severe forms of the disease, and as many as 1 in 100 have a milder form.

According to the National Institute of Neurological Disorders, "Although the cause of TS is unknown, current research points to abnormalities in certain brain regions (including the basal ganglia, frontal lobes, and cortex), the circuits that interconnect these regions, and the neurotransmitters (dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine) responsible for communicating among nerve cells."

My own form of Tourette is slightly different. Often, before I even realize what I've done, I boast. I don't mean to do it -- the boasts just come out of their own volition. I have no control in the matter. (Some misinterpret this as egotism.)

Strangely, the disease manifests itself most frequently in the presence of an attractive woman. (It has also been known to occur in the presence of a man who makes me feel insecure.)

It seems, however, that more than 1 in 100 Americans suffer from this particular gender-linked form of the syndrome. (My guess is that roughly 85 out of 100 males have it.)

I'm a stud!

Oops, sorry, it just went off again. 


Anonymous said...

Sorry about your affliction, I don't think you'll find a health insurance policy to cover this, even with Obamacare.

John Craig said...

Guy -- Thank you for your sympathy, misplaced though it may be. You should probably feel sorry for those around me, as it seems to bother them much more than it does me.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps some of them are responsible for making it worse?

John Craig said...

Now that's some sympathy I deserve. It's all THEIR fault. Thank you Guy.

Anonymous said...


Your f#*#ing killin me.

Mad Dog

John Craig said...

Thank you Tom.