Theory

The Libyan rebels have now marched into Tripoli and reportedly control 95% of the city. Their complete victory -- and the overthrow of Muammar Gaddafi -- are all but assured. Newscasts of such events invariably feature pictures of hopeful young faces juxtaposed with pictures of the old dictator, his pockmarked face testimony to years of overeating and corruption. The Libyan rebels are now reportedly already celebrating by firing their rifles into the air.

Here is my theory: the future success of a government is inversely correlated to the extent that its victorious army celebrates by shooting guns into the air. You see, there is this little thing called gravity which pulls those bullets back to earth after they've reached their apogee, and when they descend from that great height they can easily pierce a skull. Those too dumb to figure this out -- or too reckless to care -- are unlikely to be able to effectively run a government for any length of time.

I do not recall hearing reports of George Washington and Sam Adams celebrating their victory by firing their muskets straight up into the air. Latin American and African rebels, on the other hand, regularly celebrate their victories this way.

I am not sorry to see Gaddafi go. He has oppressed his people for far too long. But the word "rebels" usually gives off a vaguely low-IQ vibe, and the current crop in Libya seem no exception.