Sociopaths tend to be dishonest, disloyal, parasitic, narcissistic, easily bored, impulsive, manipulative, irresponsible, callous, hypocritical, and incapable of feeling either love or shame.
But sociopaths can also be charming and, especially at first, electrifying to be around. They are full of witty asides, clever ripostes, and amusingly cutting comments. They are also natural performers, seemingly impervious to any sort of performance anxiety.
When you go to a party, the first person you're going to feel drawn to is the sociopath, who is often the life of the party. Because he gets bored easily, and has a constant need for stimulation, those around him are rarely bored. In fact, you'll often find yourself either admiring his nerve or tickled by his seeming lack of concern for social propriety.
People like that can be fun, for an evening -- if you keep your distance.
Conversely, the nicest people are often the most boring. They have a stiff, inhibited way of letting the truth stand in the way of a good story. And they are susceptible to nerves.
(The one element which complicates both sides of the equation is intelligence, which can add spice to the full range of personality types. An intelligent nice person can be more entertaining -- or at least more interesting -- to be around than a dumb sociopath.)
But intelligence being even, the sociopath is far more likely to make a splashy first impression.
You could almost grade people mathematically, by where they rank on the sociopathy scale. At one end are the sociopaths, at the other decent folk. Sociopaths spend their lives filled with the negative emotions: hatred, envy, schadenfreude, etc. They are also charming, but employ that charm to nefarious ends.
Decent folk are filled with the entire range of emotions, from hatred to love, but almost always let their consciences override their impulses -- which tends to make them dull and boring.
Be aware that where someone ranks on any one of those personality measures is a pretty good predictor of where he will rank on the others.
Being bored is a small price to pay for reliability. And being charmed in the short run is small recompense for ending up bitter, as you will inevitably be if you stay in a sociopath's orbit long enough.
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3 comments:
John, Do you think a reasonably intelligent parent should be able to assess his child as a sociopath? And if he did, what should he do? Does counseling help? Julie
Julie --
Yes, a reasonably intelligent parent who has a good sense of what sociopathy is should be able to make that assessment. (Although in that situation I'd have to imagine there would be a fair number of parents who'd be in denial.) But keep in mind, any parent who has a child who is a sociopath is more likely to be that way himself, unless the child was adopted from a Romanian orphanage at age two or something like that. And a sociopathic parent is (a) less likely to care if the child is a sociopath, and (b) less likely to see sociopathy as an entirely bad thing.
The answer to the second part of your question is, there's not a lot for the parent to do at that point, other than be aware of it. The parent should probably set down stricter rules for the child, stuff like that. Counseling certainly can't "cure" sociopathy.
I have a blog on my experiences with CRPS/RSD, and it's only been about a year: but no writing; because one of these?
Showed up at my door, knowing I was in compromised health, took full advantage of all of it.
I am used to it, quite sadly, and know how (on a practical level) handle it: what is difficult, is wrapping my brain around who in God's name takes the LAST cent you have (on SSI) then walks into an apartment (in public housing she really doesn't deserve angry with me because someone ELSE turned in the rot of her behavior? My pity extends to the children caught in the middle of the selfish garbage they hand you: but in return?
They mess with friends who have been dear and are in pain and grieving having lost a child, their mother and an aunt in LESS than a year?
That is a sickness that honesty that people at this level are not capable of. It's simple: some have it, and for whatever reason (and honestly, my patience is gone, I trust no one, and really I wish I could move or at least buy a LOAD (truck full of it) CLOROX (R) would be great, and sterilize my home.
My very coveted and private life by this individual was thrown (unwilling and wanted by her or anyone; CRPS is bad deal; and I've had it a long time: but instead of ticked, and so on?
I documented photographically and so on, all of it, and turned it into management. Let the behavior reap what it sows. God is always watching. Eventually they get right with Him. The alternative no one wants, and having grown up with a Narcissistic father with an alcohol problem, and a Borderline (mother), after 38 years?
A well and hard earned break.
But rain??? Yeah, because people do care: I happen to show people love, and understanding.
Folks with this problem? Lack the ability entirely. Do I drop names? No, around me are people who care about my life, and my health and when in order to humiliate and to get trashed? Makes a $20 key to my home? But my fault she was almost booted? And oddly my passwords stop working...
When an individual cannot spell "Chicken" (chickin) and trashes those who are true, and show me loving kindness, people take notice. And let her know it was far from okay. So my conscience is clear, and now that my home is quiet again?
I sleep very well. For CRPS, not easy to do; but to know the rest would be difficult here....
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