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Wednesday, December 19, 2012

If the media reported on these mass killings responsibly....

...They'd emphasize what pathetic little dweebs these killers really are.

There's a certain copycat element to all of the schoolyard shootings. The typical maladjusted shooter thinks -- knows, actually -- that he will become a larger than life, dark, sinister character whose very name inspires fear. And he wants that infamy, even if it comes at the cost of his life.

The way to discourage copycats is to report these mass killings in a belittling fashion.

Here's how I would have liked to have seen the Newtown killings reported:

Twenty year old Adam Lanza, who never once went on a date in his entire life, decided to end that miserable life yesterday. While Lanza is unlamented, tragically, he took the lives of as many five- and six-year-olds as he could, an incredibly cowardly act.

Adam killed his mother, reportedly because she had been thinking of institutionalizing him, since he was such a misfit. Then he went to Sandy Hook Elementary School, partly because that's where his mother volunteered, and he was jealous of the kids whom he thought his mother preferred to him. (He was probably right.)

Part of the reason Adam went to Sandy Hook was because he knew it was a "gun free zone." He knew that nobody there could shoot back at him, and, hero that he was, he also knew that first graders would offer no resistance.


You can see from these pictures that Lanza actually bears a slight facial resemblance to Michael Phelps, even though Phelps is 6'3" and a muscular 190 pounds, while Lanza was only 5'8" and a scrawny 135. But Phelps made something of himself, and now is reportedly one of the world's most prolific womanizers, while Lanza could only stay in his room and masturbate, a virgin to the end. No girl would have ever even considered going out with Lanza, given his extreme awkwardness.

Lanza didn't even have any male friends because of his Aspergers Syndrome. "He was the most lame, rigid person you could ever imagine," said one former classmate who asked not to be identified.

Lanza's family is now mourning the loss of Nancy Lanza, his mother, and wondering if they will ever be able to live down their association with this pathetic wimp.

People across the country are now shaking their heads and wondering if there's a more eloquent way of stating what a loser you are than to shoot a bunch of defenseless kids and then take your own life.

Now, how many copycat killers would that inspire?

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thats good, I like it.

John Craig said...

Anon --
Thank you.

Steven said...

It would definitely act as a deterrent to copycats but it would be a serious downer to skinny guys with low self worth who had never been on a date! :-P

John Craig said...

Steven --
Nobody who didn't murder would be made fun of. This would be a deterrent.

Steven said...

My thinking was that if you are a small and skinny socially awkward virgin who has never been on a date and you are down on yourself and you read'pathetic wimp', 'no girl would ever consider going out with Lanza', 'most lame rigid person' etc, you might take it personally.

I agree it would be a deterrent though.


John Craig said...

Stven --
You're right, that is a downside. But I'd say it'd be worth the price if it cut down on the murders.