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Tuesday, August 15, 2017

If MS-13 hired a PR firm

MS-13 is in the news again because Trump has said that he wants to crack down on them. But maybe what MS13 really has is just an image problem. What would happen if they hired the type of PR firm that corporations regularly use to make themselves sound like charities?

We are MS-13 

We are the youth, and the future, of America

Henceforth, we don't want to be known as a "gang," since that word has so many negative connotations, and gives people the wrong idea about us. We want to be known as a "public service club."

The "MS" now stands for "My Savior." And the "13" alludes to our spirituality: we see ourselves as Jesus's thirteenth disciple.

We are MS-13, the public service club with a heart.

Our mission is to help youngsters from broken homes, or who came to North America by themselves, who are all alone in this great big world. We give them a group to identify with, and a sense of belonging.

We help those who are bullied. We really help them, and have a near perfect track record in that regard. Once someone is under our protection, no one bullies them anymore.

As staunch environmentalists, we care about our Mother Earth, and are doing our best, bit by bit, to alleviate the overpopulation problem.


You may have noticed our extensive tattoos. We wear these to show our lighthearted, artistic side.

Unfortunately, in the past, a few of our members have gotten carried away when it comes to promoting club interests and doing good. But please don't listen to that deplorable racist Trump who wants to persecute and deport us just because we're Latino.

We are Barack Obama's Dreamers -- young people who dream of a better future. And we proudly represent American values. Like discipline. And honor. And loyalty. Many of our members are lifelong loyalists. They understand how healthy that is.

As a nondiscriminatory club, we accept women, too. We even have a special induction ceremony for them in which, as a group, we pay humble homage to the very practice which brings us all to life.

Young men are anxious to participate in their own induction ceremony, too, since it gives them an opportunity to demonstrate their resilience. You know how young men are!

We are MS13. All we ask for is a chance at a better life. Please help us help you.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow, you're good; I almost want to make a donation!

jova said...

Trump needs to end DACA like he promised during the campaign...could use it as leverage to get his immigration plan passed, Allow some dreamers to get a green card for a $7,500 fee. Since 1.5 million dreamers are Mexicans this would result in Mexicans financing the Wall. If 2 million dreamers pay the fee we collect $15 billion , 12 billion from Mexicans.

currently human traffickers are charging about $7,000 to smuggle illegal aliens from Mexico into the United States. Last year my Nanny had a nephew smuggled into America and it cost them $7,000. He paid $5,000 upfront and she had to send the balance of $2,000 when he made it across the border. The Chinese often often pay $50,000 grand to the smugglers.

John Craig said...

Jova --
That's a great idea. Instead of paying the coyotes, pay us. Only problem is, a lot of the illegal aliens are here already, and have less incentive to pay, even for a green card. But I like the concept.

Actually, you just sparked another thought. Trump has offered to give Mexico military help in running down their drug cartels. Mexico has so far said, no thanks. But what if they changed their minds, and we ran down the cartels, and were allowed to confiscate their money, the same way the government up here is allowed to confiscate ill gotten gains. It wouldn't total an amount equal to the figures you cite, but it would help.

I have wondered about what's happened to el Chapo's missing billions. You may have heard that even though he's now in a US prison, his money has never been found. I wouldn't be surprised if a sizable percentage has already found its way into the pockets of corrupt Mexican police and military. Anyway, I'm wandering off track here, but yes, I do like your idea.

Luqman said...

Hi John, do you have a source for the percentage cited at the head of the post? 40%? I tried to google it but didn't find anything.

jova said...

True, but the dreamers were willing to pay $500 for a residency card (good for just 2 years) and with no path to citizenship......Greencards last 5 times as long and give the holders more rights.

I would prefer less to buy a green card than the 1.6 million who have paid for the Dreamer cards...but probably more would pay as they know a green card lasts 10 years and gives one the ability to apply for citizenship...we could probably charge $15,000 and still get 1 million to apply.

Trump certainly could withhold the millions in aid we give to Mexico each year. He could also use his persuasion skills to demonstrate why Mexicans should want a wall , to keep more of they citizens home where they can contribute to making Mexico a decent nation and a wall will discourage the millions of Central Americans from migrating into Mexico, hoping to get into America. Mexico actually deports more hispanics than the United States each year. Mexicans despise the Central Americanos sneaking across their southern border.

John Craig said...

Luqman --
I just Googled it, and couldn't find it either. And some of the accounts I saw claimed that the percentage of Dreamers with gang affiliations was less than 1%. I did read it somewhere though, but can't remember where. It's possible that the statement was qualified in some way I don't remember, or was just about the Dreamers from some specific country, or it was phrased as "an estimate of up to 40%" or something like that.

In any case, since I can't find it, I'll take it out. Thanks.

John Craig said...

Jova --
Yes, Trump has talked about withholding aid to Mexico as a way to pay for the Wall; that may make the most sense. I don't think he'll be able to persuade Mexicans into thinking they're better off staying where they are, or to persuade Mexico that they should make an effort to keep their nationals at home. Ever since Vicente Fox (and possibly before) Mexican Presidents have advocated a more lax immigration policy on the part of the US, even as, as you point out, they have much more draconian immigration policies themselves. I wrote about that hypocrisy here:

https://justnotsaid.blogspot.com/2010/08/anchors-aweigh.html

Steven said...

Where do I sign?

John Craig said...

Steven --
Just make the check out to "John Craig."