Well, power has finally been restored to my house, after seven days. I won’t grouse, because that’s boring. In any case, it did serve as a convenient excuse not to blog for several days.
The “convenient” is because I was so busy campaigning for President anyway.
My campaign for the Presidency, in case you are curious, is going extremely well. In the past several days nine people have told me, either in person or via email, that I have their vote.
Nine is an infinite multiple of the number of supporters I had just one short week ago. If that rate of change continues, I will end up at 1600 Pennsylvania.
Wait a sec, the week really didn't seem short, given how cold and dark my house was. And, what with setting the clocks back Saturday night, it was actually long.
But that doesn’t change the fact that the campaign is going exceedingly well. In case you're wondering about about skeletons I might have in my closet, a concern raised by a commenter after I stated my platform, consider the following.
It has often been said that in politics you can get away with pretty much anything, as long as you are not found with either a dead girl or a live boy in your bed.
Well, the other day I was caught in bed with both -- at the same time.
Well, the other day I was caught in bed with both -- at the same time.
I explained to the police that I had been walking by a house when I heard the sound of anguished cries coming from within. Thinking I might be of assistance, I rushed in the front door of the house – which happened to be ajar -- and found a young man trying to revive a 16-year-old girl who had just had a heart attack. I tried to help by performing mouth to mouth resuscitation on her. In fact I tried so hard to save her that somehow my clothes fell off in the process. That’s when the police appeared.
They bought my story.
Bill Clinton has nothing on me.
I am the Teflon candidate.
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10 comments:
John, I'm glad that your power has been restored. But, is there any way you could arrange to have the power cut to all the other candidates, including the Democrats, until around the end of October next year?
G
G--
As of now I don't have the clout to arrange that. But it sounds like a good idea for when I'm campaigning for reelection.
Perhaps I could have the job as your power czar? I'd do it for 10% less than the current CEO of Northern Utilities, and I would promise to get your power, and that of up to 100 of your favorite cronies, restored in less than 24 hours in any outage. (Failing that, I would give you each a $50 goodwill voucher to use at any nearby day spa of your choice.) It would be a pleasure to eliminate power to your political opponents when requested. Come to think of it, I think I have a new strategy for reducing the size of government....
G
G -- Power czar or CEO of NU? That's two different jobs. I can only hire the former, though,I suppose as Obama did with GM, I could assign myself the power to hire and fire CEOs at will.
I'm talking national power czar, with complete control over the national power grid and all who supply it. The NU CEO would be accountable to me, along with all other utility CEOs. I mention the NU CEO simply to illustrate how reasonable my salary expectations are, as good governance will I'm sure be a hallmark of the Craig administration.
G
G -- That's a big job. How much are you willing to pay me to get it?
You can expect all the usual John, a multimillion $ super PAC, a national network of bundlers, employment for all of your extended family and friends in senior, but undemanding, positions in the new PCA, etc. etc. But the special contribution will be 3 more followers of your blog.
Done.
wait i thought your platform was going as the candidate who could not be bought? additional blog readers are expensive but if they gain influence...might not you be vulnerable. on the other hand if you declare you have all powers to do whatever you think is right ....
Dave --
Like all corrupt candidates, I'm campaigning as incorruptible. But once I get into office....
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