Good reason not to show off

From this morning's NY Post: 

I woke from a stroke-- gay!
By Andy Soltis

A hulking, beer-guzzling rugby jock suffered a stroke in a freak training accident -- and woke up gay.

Chris Birch was a straight, 266-pound Welsh bank worker who liked sports, girls and booze and was engaged to his girlfriend before the life-style-changing event.

Now, he’s a 154-pound hairdresser who bleaches his tresses and lives with his 19-year-old boyfriend above his salon.

“I was gay when I woke up and I still am,” he said.

Birch, 26, was showing off before friends in a gym by doing a back flip, but he broke his neck and suffered a stroke, according to Britain’s Daily Mail.

EXTREME MAKEOVER: Everything about manly rugby player Chris Birch changed after his stroke, including becoming a gay hairstylist (above).

He was rushed to Royal Gwent Hospital in the Welsh town of Newport. His girlfriend and relatives waited for him to recover consciousness.

“It sounds strange, but when I came around, I immediately felt different,” Birch recalled. “I wasn’t interested in women anymore. I was definitely gay.”

Birch, who lives in the town of Ystrad Mynach, said he never experienced any gay inclinations previously.

Researchers have reported many cases of stroke patients experiencing changes in behavior and personality, such as becoming less satisfied with their lives, losing confidence in themselves, or being easily irritated.

But turning gay? That’s a new one.

Birch said the change was sweeping and instantaneous.

“Suddenly, I hated everything about my old life. I didn’t get on with my friends. I hated sport and found my job boring,” he said.

So he underwent a transformation, quitting his job and shedding more than 100 pounds.

He said his family and friends were shocked by his change of sexuality.

“I think I’m happier than ever, so I don’t regret the accident,” he said.

“I’m nothing like the old Chris now, but I wouldn’t change a thing.”

A few observations:

He seems to like his new incarnation, and almost disdain his old self. But my question is, what would the old Chris have thought of the new one?

He claims to be happier than ever; if true, that means that "gay" is not a misnomer.

Could this possibly work the other way? Could a 154 pound hairdresser have a stroke and turn into a 266 pound beer-swilling football player? (Somehow that seems less likely.)

If I get caught molesting little boys, can I blame it on a stroke? ("I used to be a real stud, I swear, you'd be amazed how many women I did. But somehow, ever since the stroke I just haven't been the same.")

Is this a possible defense for Jerry Sandusky, the former Penn State assistant coach? He actually looks like a stroke candidate.

On a more serious note, a brain scan to see which areas of Birch's brain were damaged by the stroke could provide some interesting insights into the roots of sexuality.

Addendum, 11/12/11: For those of you who are curious, this is the only "before" photo I could find of Birch: