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Tuesday, September 17, 2013

What were they thinking, Part II

More guesses as to the designers' thoughts as they came up with their unique outfits for NY's 2013 Fashion Week:

(Malan Breton): "We need to create an updated Little Lord Fauntleroy look. You know, for the schoolboy who enjoys receiving wedgies."

 (Mark and Estel): "The perfect outfit for women who want to appear more pear-shaped."

(Mathieu Mirano): "When I was a kid, I used to collect Barbie dolls. I had the Barbie Mermaid doll, and the Barbie Cowgirl doll, the Barbie Executive doll, and all the rest. But the one I always really wanted was the Barbie Prostitute doll with the see-through nightie."

(Naeem Khan): "Hey, I hear everyone is doing sheer this year. Let's outdo them by combining it with 40's glamour! Something like Bette Davis would have worn if she'd completely lost her mind."

(Nicholas K): "As long as everyone else is doing sheer, let's do a Flirty Pocohontas look."

(Ralph Rucci): "I wonder why the Fashion Week people are encouraging us all to feature at least one sheer outfit this year. Do they really think it's going to raise interest? Let's face it, guys who are interested in fashion really aren't all that interested in women's boobies."

(Ralph Lauren): "Let's bring back the Swinging 60's. Miniskirts, knee high boots, oversized sunglasses, the whole thing. You know, Carnaby Street. I wonder...are there any models who can still go-go dance?"

(Ricardo Seto): "I want to create a look for the guy who's tough. I mean, really tough. I'm talking, like almost as tough as those Jets and Sharks in West Side Story."

(The Art Institute of New York City): "Here's how we make a splash: we think of the most narcissistic, showoffy, shameless woman we know. Then we come up with an outfit that even she wouldn't wear."

(Supima): "This is actually a gift to husbands with acquisitive wives who like to attend auctions. No more arm raising for you, you spendthrift bitch! We'll disguise its true purpose by calling it the I Poked My Head Through the Top of the Tent look."

(Trina Turk): "You know what hasn't been done yet? The Delegate to the UN from the Poor African Country look. We just have to find the right model, shave her head, and then put some barbaric earrings on her."

(Zang Toi): "We need an outfit for the Prince Charming who'd really rather be a princess."

(Y-3): "Let's create a fashion that's the sartorial equivalent of that song A Boy Named Sue. Any schoolboy wearing this has to either get tough or die."


Anonymous said...

John, thanks for my morning laugh! I don't know which is my favorite, the "popped my head out of a tent", or "Prince or Princess charming". So funny! I think you should attend these shows and write a blog! Donna

John Craig said...

Donna --
Thank you. I think I'd actually be pretty bad at that. To be a fashion writer, you have to notice and be concerned about things like minute differences in collar angles and skirt length and fabrics. I'm only good at taking the most extreme styles and poking fun at them. (Even the fashion writers probably don't take those styles seriously.)

I wasn't sure whether to call that dress the "poked my head through the tent" look or the "disembodied head" look.

I'm shooting fish in a barrel here, I know, but it is fun.