Actually contacting them is less common, but certainly not unheard of. Whenever the subject is broached, it's almost invariably presented as a bad idea. This has actually been the theme of a few movies, where it always seems to backfire in one way or another.
But curiosity is hard to extinguish. What is your ex doing these days? How has he or she aged? What is the ex's love life like? Facebook can answer some of these questions, but theres no substitute for actual contact.
Getting in touch often has to do with wanting to show off. If you're doing better than the last time you saw each other, you want the ex to know that. The desire to boast can never be overestimated.
And there's always the hope that the flame might be rekindled. Which makes the potential for awkwardness immense, given that that hope is likely to be one-sided.
In a way seeing old friends is the closest we can come to time travel.
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17 comments:
I monitor old friends on line, but, I never contact them.
Maybe thirty years ago, I would call old friends up, WHILE DRUNK.
I don't like drinking any more (or rather, I will drink ACTUALLY SOCIALLY, to humor friends, which means five times so far this calendar year, and twice in 2015) so I never wind up maudlin and alone at 4:00 AM doing the old drunk friend call.
That is really a filthy habit, I am very proud that I DON'T DO THAT ANY MORE.
====FAKE BABA
FAKE BABA --
I've found that the vast majority of people I've known, I don't particularly want to see again. But I guess they all feel the same way about me, since I've never gotten that 4AM old drunk friend call.
That is a funny thing to think about. I have personally found old flames on Facebook, and if we ended well, I wouldn't think twice about connecting with them, personally to make sure they are doing well and are happy (some are, and some are not). There have been a few old flames who found me, and I couldn't help but wonder what their intentions were with re-connecting (hopefully the same, to make sure I'm doing well, but maybe to gloat?)? I would say my life has more or less remained the same, as far as success goes, if not better than before, in all honesty.
Runner Katy --
Yeah there's a whole mix of reasons people might get back in touch. I'm not as nice as you, so I didn't think of, to make sure they're okay. But I might get back in touch just to tell someone that they are a fond memory.
I think Facebook-stalking people is probably pretty much universal.
When and if I Facebook-stalk old friends, etc. (which I typically don't do), my hope is that these people are doing well. Some people age better than others.
- birdie
I thought I was the only one. Thank you, John, for reassuring me that I'm not crazy.
Puzzled
Puzzled --
If you DIDN'T do an Facebook- or Google-stalking, you'd be the only one.
Another way of time travel is to visit the places you saw when you were young, and didn't go back. Not habitual places, but one and done.
I visited a country recently that I had last visited at age 28 and it was excruciating. I really don't recommend it. I literally had to stuff back tears. But maybe you are made of sterner stuff.
Puzzled
PS Colin Kapernick seems to have gone absolutely crazy. He is now tweeting links to hard core left wing sites like this:
http://theuniversityofleft.tumblr.com/
I regard this as close to advocating genocide. What a fucked up guy he is. The "toxic whiteness" he hates is his own. He hates his mother. To be fair, she is despicable, as I've said. But it ain't my fault. Fuck Kaepernick.
Puzzled --
I don't think I'm made of sterner stuff, but when I've done that, I've mostly just compared impressions with when I was younger. I wrote about that a little bit here:
http://justnotsaid.blogspot.com/2014/05/impressions-of-hawaii.html
Although, looking at that post, I guess I did admit to some sadness.
I think Kaepernick was crazy to begin with. So much of what he's doing is just working out his own issues, as you explain. I took a lot at that site, its connection with reality is pretty tenuous. It spouts a lot of the usual stuff, that all white people are bad, etc. I particularly liked their statement that "whiteness needs to be made strange."
"I particularly liked their statement that "whiteness needs to be made strange.""
They say that because they feel strange. Everything they say about whites, is a projection of their own self-hatred and self-alienation. I don't care, but they have a president on their side, and a candidate who is pretending to be on their side. This doesn't end well.
Puzzled
Puzzled --
Practically every insult the Left hurls at the Right is truer of them: they're far bigger haters, they're far more narrow-minded, they don't have science on their side (when it comes to human differences), and they're far more (overtly) racist.
How did we get from old flames to Kaepernick? (I was trying to change the subject for a bit; don't worry, I'm changing it back in the next post, which I'm writing right now.)
"How did we get from old flames to Kaepernick? "
Well...we were talking about Google/Facebook stalking of old flames, so I decided to Twitter-stalk Kaepernick, and that came up. Probably not very healthy of me. I haven't mastered the art of deciding that someone is a POS and ignoring them, which I should. But I look forward to your next post.
Puzzled
PS in all the hoo-ha about Kaep, we haven't heard a peep from his adoptive parents.
Puzzled --
C'mon, admit it, you have a crush on Kaepernick, that's why you're Twitter-stalking him.
That's a great point, his adopted parents have had noting to say, publicly. I've heard some people say that they must be angry with him. My guess is that they're probably decent people (they did adopt a black baby, and not for the same reasons that a Sharon Stone or an Angelina Jolie adopt children from Africa), and that not they probably feel a little guilty/embarrassed for their role in having created this situation. They realize that Colin is working out his own issues, some of which have to do with having been brought up in an otherwise all-white family. So while they're probably embarrassed by all the publicity he's garnered, they're probably also sympathetic to him, since they understand that he feels he has a lot to prove.
No, I swear, I don't have a crush on Kaepernick. I'm obsessed with the race situation in the US. I keep flipping between thinking It's All Over, and thinking that we'll muddle through. The situation is very disturbing to me, because for the first time in my life I think the race question could destroy this country. For good.
Agree with you about his adoptives. But I wonder if deep down they don't regret adopting him. He seems to have turned against them very ferociously. We don't know what he's said privately. If he refuses to speak with his own birth mother (which I support, as I've previously said - she has been a total horror to him), might he not cut off his adoptive parents, who he has no blood relationship with?
Yesterday I was flipping the channels and I saw one of those home improvement shows. I stayed with it for a minute or two, watching in fascinated horror. White couple living in Mamaroneck. The man was a dough faced cuck. A certain type of white American man has become so de-virilized it is shocking. You don't see these twat-faces in Hungary, let me tell you. Or Serbia. Russian men look like sides of beef. They are ugly, but masculine.
Back to the story. They introduced the mangina and his wife (yes, a woman, not joking), their white baby, and then the rest of the story: they had adopted their in-laws daughters, three black girls. The SIL had died in an accident & they adopted the girls. No mention of the brother. They just presented the story as is.
I turned off the TV.
I wonder what will happen to their son? Will he end up as Rachel Dolezal? I mean, full bore: black, and a woman?
Puzzled
PS
http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/49ers/2016/09/08/colin-kapernick-parents-no-comment/89992470/
My guess, and it's just a guess, is that his father is sick of this shit and got cucked into adopting Colin.
Puzzled
Puzzled --
That article says their flag was up before Colin started his protests, otherwise I'd guess that the Kaepernicks were doing it to sort of atone for Colin's behavior.
I have to think they're a little embarrassed, given that the reaction in their community is overwhelming disapproval of Colin's actions. The article also said that the Kaepernicks are popular in that community and that no one holds them responsible for their adopted son's actions, which makes me think that they're not wild-eyed radicals themselves.
Nice house, too: all the more reason for Colin to have to prove his bona fides with the brotherhood.
Puzzled --
I was just kidding about you having a crush on Kaepernick.
Yes, there does seem to be a difference between the way a lot of American men look these days: dough-faced, as you describe, and Eastern European men. I once heard a joke about that, something to the effect of, the guy came from one of those Easter Europeans countries where the men are so masculine that there's not even a word for "impotent."
Don't know where this country will end up, but at the moment, we're definitely not headed in a good direction.
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