When I meet a handsome guy who's a success in the corporate world, I automatically subtract a few points from the IQ I'd generally associate with his degree of success.
As many studies have found, people will always give preference in hiring to the good-looking. People seem more inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt once they know them, too.
I see some of these guys around where I live. Big, handsome, self-confident former athletes. And, they look pleased with themselves; I suppose they should be.
But I can tell, talking to them, that there's just not that much going on upstairs. They're mostly pretty smooth, and say the right things. And they'll espouse philosophies of life (which they've heard elsewhere) which could best be characterized as, convenient justifications for being pleased with themselves.
But don't get me wrong: they're not dumb. They're just not that smart.
(It's almost enough to turn me into a liberal.)
Their personalities could best be described as bland -- enthusiastically bland. They're almost like toned down versions of Tony Robbins (though they're generally not sociopaths). They have big smiles, they're masculine, and they radiate optimistic energy.
They usually have good-looking wives, too (which is often how I first notice them). A young version of one of these guys recently married a beautiful girl who happens to have Aspergers Syndrome. (I don't know if she's ever been officially diagnosed, but she definitely has it.) They look great as a couple.
Another young man said about them recently, "I feel sorry for that guy 23 hours and 55 minutes of the day."
But, he shouldn't feel too sorry. The husband is so focused on how they look as a couple that he probably won't even notice her syndrome for a while. He may not even be smart enough to ever figure out what it is.
Not that that will keep him from being a success at his firm.
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6 comments:
How do you know that she definitely has Aspeger's? What's the giveaway?
- Gethin
Gethin --
I've probably said too much already. If you send me your email address -- which I promise not to post -- I'll explain.
Maybe he can tolerate an aspie wife because of his wealth? (I don't know who he is though, could be wrong.) In Hong Kong, even with a normal wife in wealthy couples and even middle class ones, even if both partners are neurotypical, there is a similar situation that may be going on with him (or not, I don't want to assume.). And the wife has even fewer responsibilities if there is enough money, so she won't have any opportunity to compromise what they think is a good marriage, the domestic helpers (that's what the government here calls them) in Hong Kong keep all things ordered and cook and clean.
In Asian society, the husband has to fulfill the traditional needs of buying flowers or gifts expected from their princess and being a gentleman, but they aren't to expect the same from the woman other than dinner, which she may not even cook, when he gets home before going to bed and sex (if he even has enough energy left, and the view among some is the man is having the sex with the woman who allows it, a woman doing anything sounds to them like "acting too much like a man in bed". So no sex if "he" is too tired)
Does this guy have similar expectations of his marriage being like this?
I also hear in Japan that a women stops working once she gets married. I sometimes suspect this is why the divorce rate in Japan is so low. The spouses rarely have any conflict or arguments...because they hardly ever see each other. One is working 6 times a week 14 hours a day and stuck in the bedroom sleeping all day on Sunday, the other is meeting her friends at a girly cafe, going to a bookclub, cleaning the house, and cooking dinner 7 days a week, you can't have an unhappy marriage if there is almost no marriage. If he is practically not in a marriage, well yeah.
-Ga
Ga --
Interesting point about how the divorce rate is low when the spouses hardly ever see each other.
The way you describe Asian marriage sounds like a great deal for the women, not so much for the men. Not that it's all that different in the US, in many cases.
John, Do you have any opinions on roles in marriage?
-Ga
Ga --
That's an awfully broad question, but in general, I'd just say, people should do what suits them. The one piece of advice I'd give is, before you get married, discuss ahead of time what each of you expects from the other in terms of work, money, and number of kids.
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