Sunday, May 20, 2012
Yesterday Zuckerberg married his longtime girlfriend, Priscilla Chan.
Today, Zuckerberg's parents had him committed to a mental institution.
His father, Ed, a dentist in Dobbs Ferry, NY, said, "It was a difficult decision, and it pained us to make it. But we really had no choice. We were faced with incontrovertible evidence that Mark is certifiable. Seriously, what kind of 28-year-old billionaire in his right mind would just go and get married? I mean, I could understand if he didn't want to hang around strip clubs and stuff, the girls you meet there are all pretty trashy. But to get married? To have nineteen freaking billion dollars and then just decide, I'm only going to be with one woman for the rest of my life? It's insane! I mean, he's a rock star now for Crissakes -- there are tons of beautiful nice girls out there who'd just love to bang him! This is a goddamn tragedy!"
Zuckerberg's mother, Karen, a psychiatrist, added, "Speaking as a professional, this is what is usually termed a psychotic episode. Believe me, I've met plenty of schizophrenics in my practice. I've had patients who thought they were Jesus Christ, and Napoleon, you know, the usual stuff. But this....this is by far the craziest thing I've ever heard of. To have that much money and then.....I mean, we always knew Mark was a little strange, his elementary school teachers used to hint to us that he had Aspergers. None of them quite came right out and said it, but it was obvious what their message was, and, well, speaking as a psychiatrist, I'm not disagreeing with that diagnosis. But there are plenty of people with Aspergers who are perfectly functional. I mean, look at Mark, he did get into Harvard. But now....after all the success he's had.....to just throw it all away like that....it's heartbreaking. We're just hoping he gets better soon, that's all I can say."
As of now Zuckerberg is reportedly at an undisclosed private mental health care facility, being treated full time by a team of psychiatric professionals.