There has been concern expressed in some quarters that I have entered this Presidential race in a somewhat unprepared and naive fashion.
Don't worry, I'm not naive: I watched The Ides of March. I know all about the dirty tricks which are a vital part of every well-run campaign.
That was me, not Rick Perry's staff, who got those women to come forward and accuse Herman Cain of sexual harassment.
I had a few former foster children of Michelle Bachmann all set to testify as to what kind of a "mother" she actually was, but her poll numbers are telling me those won't be necessary.
Coming soon: revelations about the inner workings of the Mormon Church where Mitt Romney was a bishop. Yes, Bishop Romney. It has a nice ring, doesn't it? I promise, these will be almost as revealing as the revelations Joseph Smith himself experienced in the desert of Utah. Didn't know about Mitt's four other wives, did you? Stay tuned.
I also have a push-pull phone poll all planned out for the general election. Some of the questions we will ask include:
"Do you feel there is any truth to the rumors that Bill Ayers was in fact the real writer of Obama's two "autobiographical" books just because their writing styles were so eerily similar?"
"Do you sometimes feel that Brother Obama might as well have written his black nationalist preacher Jeremiah Wright's speeches?"
"Do you feel that Obama's gift to Queen Elizabeth of an iPod containing his own speeches displayed a deft diplomatic touch? How about his gift of a pair of White House cufflinks to the Dalai Lama, who never wears Western-style clothing?"
"Was obsequiously bowing to the Saudi king the right way for Obama to demonstrate Presidential protocol?"
"Did you feel good about the way Obama threw his own grandmother under the bus in the last election?"
"When Obama said, in the last election, that he had been to fifty-seven states with one more to go, did you worry that there were eight states that you didn't know about?"
"Do you feel that a weekly five hour golf expedition is a necessary part of a Commander in Chief's duties?"
"Do you feel that Michelle Obama has made a good First Lady? Do you feel that Marie Antoinette would have made a good First Lady?"
"Do you feel there is any truth to the rumors that Barack Obama hates white people?"
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Even more planks
A few more positions:
Anything which gets this country further away from a pure democracy is a negative. The Founding Fathers didn't want any one area of the country to get too much power over another, and so instituted the Electoral College. Thanks to modern communications, we are all now just one big unhappy family. Every member of that family deserves to have his vote count, so get rid of the electoral college.
Congress ought to get the same medical insurance and pensions the rest of us get, not the lavish benefits they keep for themselves. They also should not be able to exempt themselves from the laws they pass for us -- which they do on a regular basis, even though the public is mostly unaware of this. They'll think twice about passing restrictive laws if they themselves are subject to them as well.
If a judge or jury deems a lawsuit frivolous, the plaintiff and his lawyers must pay the court costs of the trial.
Although I believe in the death penalty, I also believe that if someone given the death penalty is later found to have been innocent, the prosecuting DA should serve a year in jail. This will not prevent obvious serial killers, killers convicted on the basis of DNA evidence, or killers whose crime was viewed by multiple reliable witnesses from being given the death penalty. But it will prevent the penalty from being sought when there the evidence is shaky. And it should save the taxpayers from endless appeals.
Unions for public employees wield far too much power, which is why they have far better pensions on average than the taxpayers who pay their salaries. There should be no more collective bargaining for government workers. And with campaign contributions outlawed (see original platform), public unions will no longer be able to muscle in their candidates of choice.
Part of the reason unemployment is so high is because we have been exporting jobs. Companies which outsource labor will have to pay a tax equal to the difference between what they are paying their foreign employees and what an American worker would be get for that job. Every time I want my computer fixed, I have to talk to someone with an Indian accent so thick I can only understand half of what he is saying. I'm tired of it. (Those Indians who don't want to lose their jobs needn't vote for me.)
Abolish rubber stamp boards of directors. If a company does something illegal, the board should be liable. Otherwise, why have them?
Let shareholders vote on executive compensation, for at least the ten highest-paid employees of a corporation. Why should the owners of a company have no say in how they pay their employees?
The highest paid employee of a company ought not to be paid more than forty times what lowest paid employee is -- which is the way it was forty years ago. And stock options and bonuses will be counted as part of their pay. This would not prevent an Edwin Land or a Bill Gates of a Steve Jobs or a Bill Hewlett or a David Packard or a Henry Ford from becoming fabulously wealthy, as they all deserved to be. They got rich by founding companies which they then grew. But it would prevent corporate climbers from taking advantage of a company's shareholders. These types tend to rise by virtue of their skill at corporate politicking, then tell us that their presence is invaluable to the company, and reward themselves outrageously. I have a hard time lying back and enjoying it when I get raped this way.
Anything which gets this country further away from a pure democracy is a negative. The Founding Fathers didn't want any one area of the country to get too much power over another, and so instituted the Electoral College. Thanks to modern communications, we are all now just one big unhappy family. Every member of that family deserves to have his vote count, so get rid of the electoral college.
Congress ought to get the same medical insurance and pensions the rest of us get, not the lavish benefits they keep for themselves. They also should not be able to exempt themselves from the laws they pass for us -- which they do on a regular basis, even though the public is mostly unaware of this. They'll think twice about passing restrictive laws if they themselves are subject to them as well.
If a judge or jury deems a lawsuit frivolous, the plaintiff and his lawyers must pay the court costs of the trial.
Although I believe in the death penalty, I also believe that if someone given the death penalty is later found to have been innocent, the prosecuting DA should serve a year in jail. This will not prevent obvious serial killers, killers convicted on the basis of DNA evidence, or killers whose crime was viewed by multiple reliable witnesses from being given the death penalty. But it will prevent the penalty from being sought when there the evidence is shaky. And it should save the taxpayers from endless appeals.
Unions for public employees wield far too much power, which is why they have far better pensions on average than the taxpayers who pay their salaries. There should be no more collective bargaining for government workers. And with campaign contributions outlawed (see original platform), public unions will no longer be able to muscle in their candidates of choice.
Part of the reason unemployment is so high is because we have been exporting jobs. Companies which outsource labor will have to pay a tax equal to the difference between what they are paying their foreign employees and what an American worker would be get for that job. Every time I want my computer fixed, I have to talk to someone with an Indian accent so thick I can only understand half of what he is saying. I'm tired of it. (Those Indians who don't want to lose their jobs needn't vote for me.)
Abolish rubber stamp boards of directors. If a company does something illegal, the board should be liable. Otherwise, why have them?
Let shareholders vote on executive compensation, for at least the ten highest-paid employees of a corporation. Why should the owners of a company have no say in how they pay their employees?
The highest paid employee of a company ought not to be paid more than forty times what lowest paid employee is -- which is the way it was forty years ago. And stock options and bonuses will be counted as part of their pay. This would not prevent an Edwin Land or a Bill Gates of a Steve Jobs or a Bill Hewlett or a David Packard or a Henry Ford from becoming fabulously wealthy, as they all deserved to be. They got rich by founding companies which they then grew. But it would prevent corporate climbers from taking advantage of a company's shareholders. These types tend to rise by virtue of their skill at corporate politicking, then tell us that their presence is invaluable to the company, and reward themselves outrageously. I have a hard time lying back and enjoying it when I get raped this way.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Needed: new image consultant
(Herman Cain with supporters yesterday)
Given the nature of Herman Cain's recent problems, is this really the way he wants to be posing for pictures? First of all, he's doing everything except winking at the camera. His lascivious grin plainly states, I'm gettin' laid for sure tonight baby.
Then check out that outfit. The open jacket and sweater are fine. But that hat and gold chain all but proclaim "The pimp is in."
Well, at least he's not appearing in pajamas and a red silk robe embroidered with "Herm."
Still, someone should inform Cain he's campaigning for President, not for the title role in the remake of Superfly.
Gotta admire his devil-may-care attitude though.
Good reason not to show off
From this morning's NY Post:
I woke from a stroke-- gay!
By Andy Soltis
A hulking, beer-guzzling rugby jock suffered a stroke in a freak training accident -- and woke up gay.
Chris Birch was a straight, 266-pound Welsh bank worker who liked sports, girls and booze and was engaged to his girlfriend before the life-style-changing event.
Now, he’s a 154-pound hairdresser who bleaches his tresses and lives with his 19-year-old boyfriend above his salon.
“I was gay when I woke up and I still am,” he said.
Birch, 26, was showing off before friends in a gym by doing a back flip, but he broke his neck and suffered a stroke, according to Britain’s Daily Mail.
He was rushed to Royal Gwent Hospital in the Welsh town of Newport. His girlfriend and relatives waited for him to recover consciousness.
“It sounds strange, but when I came around, I immediately felt different,” Birch recalled. “I wasn’t interested in women anymore. I was definitely gay.”
Birch, who lives in the town of Ystrad Mynach, said he never experienced any gay inclinations previously.
Researchers have reported many cases of stroke patients experiencing changes in behavior and personality, such as becoming less satisfied with their lives, losing confidence in themselves, or being easily irritated.
But turning gay? That’s a new one.
Birch said the change was sweeping and instantaneous.
“Suddenly, I hated everything about my old life. I didn’t get on with my friends. I hated sport and found my job boring,” he said.
So he underwent a transformation, quitting his job and shedding more than 100 pounds.
He said his family and friends were shocked by his change of sexuality.
“I think I’m happier than ever, so I don’t regret the accident,” he said.
“I’m nothing like the old Chris now, but I wouldn’t change a thing.”
I woke from a stroke-- gay!
By Andy Soltis
A hulking, beer-guzzling rugby jock suffered a stroke in a freak training accident -- and woke up gay.
Chris Birch was a straight, 266-pound Welsh bank worker who liked sports, girls and booze and was engaged to his girlfriend before the life-style-changing event.
Now, he’s a 154-pound hairdresser who bleaches his tresses and lives with his 19-year-old boyfriend above his salon.
“I was gay when I woke up and I still am,” he said.
Birch, 26, was showing off before friends in a gym by doing a back flip, but he broke his neck and suffered a stroke, according to Britain’s Daily Mail.
EXTREME MAKEOVER: Everything about manly rugby player Chris Birch changed after his stroke, including becoming a gay hairstylist (above).
He was rushed to Royal Gwent Hospital in the Welsh town of Newport. His girlfriend and relatives waited for him to recover consciousness.
“It sounds strange, but when I came around, I immediately felt different,” Birch recalled. “I wasn’t interested in women anymore. I was definitely gay.”
Birch, who lives in the town of Ystrad Mynach, said he never experienced any gay inclinations previously.
Researchers have reported many cases of stroke patients experiencing changes in behavior and personality, such as becoming less satisfied with their lives, losing confidence in themselves, or being easily irritated.
But turning gay? That’s a new one.
Birch said the change was sweeping and instantaneous.
“Suddenly, I hated everything about my old life. I didn’t get on with my friends. I hated sport and found my job boring,” he said.
So he underwent a transformation, quitting his job and shedding more than 100 pounds.
He said his family and friends were shocked by his change of sexuality.
“I think I’m happier than ever, so I don’t regret the accident,” he said.
“I’m nothing like the old Chris now, but I wouldn’t change a thing.”
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Why couldn't he just be happy with Barbie dolls?
Those of us who marvel at the vagaries of the human psyche recently received a gift in the form of a Russian man, Anatoly Moskvin, 45, who had dug up the bodies of 29 women and dressed them up like dolls to decorate the three room apartment he shared with his parents. (Ma and Pa sure set a new standard for parental leniency there.)
The NY Post reported that police investigators were shocked at what they found in the city of Volga River city of Nizhny Novgorod. Moskvin reportedly stole just the bodies of young women. (Well, at least he wasn't a pervert.)
From this one snapshot it looks as if his apartment could have been selected for an episode of Hoarders. Three rooms does seem an awfully small space in which to fit 29 bodies, as well as three living people.
Moskvin is a professional historian who supposedly speaks 13 languages, and was described as a "genius" by his neighbors. (If he can actually speak 13, then he merits that description.) He once stated that his interest in the dead dated from the time he was 12, and was made to kiss the face of a dead 11-year-old girl.
Moskvin has the thin lips of a serial killer, and his sneer and unkempt appearance in this picture certainly make him look creepy enough. But Moskvin didn't kill. He was more spiritual cousin to Ed Gein, the infamous Wisconsin man who stole the remains of nine women from local graveyards in the late 1940's and early 1950's, and occasionally dressed up in their skins. (Gein also killed two women, and was used as the model for Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs.)
When the police searched Gein's house, they found nine masks made from human skin, bowls from human skulls, human skin covering several seat chairs, nine vulvae in a shoebox, a belt made from female human nipples, a pair of lips on a drawstring for a window shade, and a lampshade made from the skin of a human face.
You can decide for yourself who's weirder -- Anatoly Moskvin for dressing corpses up as dolls, or Ed Gein for occasionally wearing someone else's skin.
Or me, for being so fascinated by these guys.
The NY Post reported that police investigators were shocked at what they found in the city of Volga River city of Nizhny Novgorod. Moskvin reportedly stole just the bodies of young women. (Well, at least he wasn't a pervert.)
Moskvin is a professional historian who supposedly speaks 13 languages, and was described as a "genius" by his neighbors. (If he can actually speak 13, then he merits that description.) He once stated that his interest in the dead dated from the time he was 12, and was made to kiss the face of a dead 11-year-old girl.
Moskvin has the thin lips of a serial killer, and his sneer and unkempt appearance in this picture certainly make him look creepy enough. But Moskvin didn't kill. He was more spiritual cousin to Ed Gein, the infamous Wisconsin man who stole the remains of nine women from local graveyards in the late 1940's and early 1950's, and occasionally dressed up in their skins. (Gein also killed two women, and was used as the model for Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs.)
When the police searched Gein's house, they found nine masks made from human skin, bowls from human skulls, human skin covering several seat chairs, nine vulvae in a shoebox, a belt made from female human nipples, a pair of lips on a drawstring for a window shade, and a lampshade made from the skin of a human face.
You can decide for yourself who's weirder -- Anatoly Moskvin for dressing corpses up as dolls, or Ed Gein for occasionally wearing someone else's skin.
Or me, for being so fascinated by these guys.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
More planks
Please note that my campaign platform outlined three posts ago actually favors the middle class. Most Presidents talk the middle class talk but then enact policies which favor either the upper or lower classes.
In the meantime, several more people have told me I have their vote. Among these are a couple of liberals, which caused me to take another look at my stated platform, and sure enough, there are several positions more closely associated with Democrats. So I will list several more policies which will discourage liberal support.
(Like all good politicians, I shudder at the thought of votes from people who don't fully comprehend my mindset.)
Here goes:
We need to declare war on gangs. Gangs -- whether they be the Crips or Bloods, MS-13, the Mafia, the Mexican Mafia, the Tongs, the Albanians, or the Russian mob -- have no redeeming social value, and make certain neighborhoods unlivable. Virtually all motorcycle gangs are criminal enterprises as well. Merely joining a gang should be criminalized.
Legalizing marijuana would deprive the gangs of a large revenue source, and create one for the government. The same rules will apply to marijuana as to alcohol use, i.e., not for use by minors and no driving under the influence.
I would even legalize cocaine use, but with far stricter usage requirements. You can only use it in government-controlled locations, and if you agree to have some semi-permanent form of birth control implanted. This would also deprive the criminals of money. And not incidentally, it would mean fewer crack babies would be born.
Keep the death penalty, and cut down on the time spent on Death Row. If the death penalty is not a deterrent now, it's partly because the endless appeals process tends to make it more of a life sentence.
Abolish the National Endowment for the Arts. It should not be a function of the government to be the arbiter of artistic taste. If someone wants to be paid for his art, let him sell his art in the marketplace.
Disparate impact is one of the more insidious, destructive concepts ever to get past the Supreme Court. This country spends an inordinate amount of energy pretending that all races are equal on average in every way, and that any differences must be the result of racism. We can't keep saying that "our diversity is our strength" and then deny any real diversity. Throwing out the New York Fire Department's entrance exam -- or any other exam -- because blacks score lower on it is as ridiculous as insisting that the NBA be 70% white, 12% Hispanic, and 5% Asian.
In case that's not enough to turn off the liberals, in my second term I plan to institute eugenics.
In the meantime, several more people have told me I have their vote. Among these are a couple of liberals, which caused me to take another look at my stated platform, and sure enough, there are several positions more closely associated with Democrats. So I will list several more policies which will discourage liberal support.
(Like all good politicians, I shudder at the thought of votes from people who don't fully comprehend my mindset.)
Here goes:
We need to declare war on gangs. Gangs -- whether they be the Crips or Bloods, MS-13, the Mafia, the Mexican Mafia, the Tongs, the Albanians, or the Russian mob -- have no redeeming social value, and make certain neighborhoods unlivable. Virtually all motorcycle gangs are criminal enterprises as well. Merely joining a gang should be criminalized.
Legalizing marijuana would deprive the gangs of a large revenue source, and create one for the government. The same rules will apply to marijuana as to alcohol use, i.e., not for use by minors and no driving under the influence.
I would even legalize cocaine use, but with far stricter usage requirements. You can only use it in government-controlled locations, and if you agree to have some semi-permanent form of birth control implanted. This would also deprive the criminals of money. And not incidentally, it would mean fewer crack babies would be born.
Keep the death penalty, and cut down on the time spent on Death Row. If the death penalty is not a deterrent now, it's partly because the endless appeals process tends to make it more of a life sentence.
Abolish the National Endowment for the Arts. It should not be a function of the government to be the arbiter of artistic taste. If someone wants to be paid for his art, let him sell his art in the marketplace.
Disparate impact is one of the more insidious, destructive concepts ever to get past the Supreme Court. This country spends an inordinate amount of energy pretending that all races are equal on average in every way, and that any differences must be the result of racism. We can't keep saying that "our diversity is our strength" and then deny any real diversity. Throwing out the New York Fire Department's entrance exam -- or any other exam -- because blacks score lower on it is as ridiculous as insisting that the NBA be 70% white, 12% Hispanic, and 5% Asian.
In case that's not enough to turn off the liberals, in my second term I plan to institute eugenics.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Bye bye Herman
With a fourth woman now coming out to say she had been harassed by Herman Cain, his campaign for the Republican nomination is now effectively over.
When one woman accused him, it seemed like, well, who knows, there are a lot of people who just want attention out there. When one became two, he started to have a bad odor about him. When the third woman came forward, most doubt was removed. And now that a fourth has emerged, it's all over.
What a clodhopper Cain must be to make such awkward passes at these women that they felt they were being harassed. Before you put your hand between a woman's legs, you ought to have some sense that she wants you to do that. Were his antennae so blunted that he had no clue?
Cain seemed like an affable enough fellow during the debates, but these women must all have resented him immensely to come forward like this to sink his campaign. Was he not otherwise gentlemanly?
Evidently not. The fourth woman, Sharon Bialek, said that when Cain reached for her genitals, he also grabbed her head and brought it towards his crotch, saying, "You want a job, right?"
As a result, it looks as if he is no longer a contender for the job he wants.
Romney, of course, would never admit to it, but he must be chortling.
I, on the other hand, as the only honest candidate, freely admit that I find this entire episode hilarious.
When one woman accused him, it seemed like, well, who knows, there are a lot of people who just want attention out there. When one became two, he started to have a bad odor about him. When the third woman came forward, most doubt was removed. And now that a fourth has emerged, it's all over.
What a clodhopper Cain must be to make such awkward passes at these women that they felt they were being harassed. Before you put your hand between a woman's legs, you ought to have some sense that she wants you to do that. Were his antennae so blunted that he had no clue?
Cain seemed like an affable enough fellow during the debates, but these women must all have resented him immensely to come forward like this to sink his campaign. Was he not otherwise gentlemanly?
Evidently not. The fourth woman, Sharon Bialek, said that when Cain reached for her genitals, he also grabbed her head and brought it towards his crotch, saying, "You want a job, right?"
As a result, it looks as if he is no longer a contender for the job he wants.
Romney, of course, would never admit to it, but he must be chortling.
I, on the other hand, as the only honest candidate, freely admit that I find this entire episode hilarious.
Back
Well, power has finally been restored to my house, after seven days. I won’t grouse, because that’s boring. In any case, it did serve as a convenient excuse not to blog for several days.
The “convenient” is because I was so busy campaigning for President anyway.
My campaign for the Presidency, in case you are curious, is going extremely well. In the past several days nine people have told me, either in person or via email, that I have their vote.
Nine is an infinite multiple of the number of supporters I had just one short week ago. If that rate of change continues, I will end up at 1600 Pennsylvania.
Wait a sec, the week really didn't seem short, given how cold and dark my house was. And, what with setting the clocks back Saturday night, it was actually long.
But that doesn’t change the fact that the campaign is going exceedingly well. In case you're wondering about about skeletons I might have in my closet, a concern raised by a commenter after I stated my platform, consider the following.
It has often been said that in politics you can get away with pretty much anything, as long as you are not found with either a dead girl or a live boy in your bed.
Well, the other day I was caught in bed with both -- at the same time.
Well, the other day I was caught in bed with both -- at the same time.
I explained to the police that I had been walking by a house when I heard the sound of anguished cries coming from within. Thinking I might be of assistance, I rushed in the front door of the house – which happened to be ajar -- and found a young man trying to revive a 16-year-old girl who had just had a heart attack. I tried to help by performing mouth to mouth resuscitation on her. In fact I tried so hard to save her that somehow my clothes fell off in the process. That’s when the police appeared.
They bought my story.
Bill Clinton has nothing on me.
I am the Teflon candidate.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Power outage
he early storm which swept through New England this past Saturday knocked power out in 80% of my town (including my house). No electricity means no light, no TV, no internet, and no land line phone. It also means no heat (the oil heater is run by an electric thermostat) and no water (the pump is run by electricity as well).
So the local Y and library are basically refugee camps. There's nothing intrinsically interesting about this, I guess, unless it happens to you. Whenever I read about the inconvenience caused by extreme weather elsewhere, I must admit I am never stirred to sympathy.
Just goes to show that self-pity is more easily stimulated than the other kind.
Well, at least with me.
So the local Y and library are basically refugee camps. There's nothing intrinsically interesting about this, I guess, unless it happens to you. Whenever I read about the inconvenience caused by extreme weather elsewhere, I must admit I am never stirred to sympathy.
Just goes to show that self-pity is more easily stimulated than the other kind.
Well, at least with me.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Important announcement
I hereby announce my candidacy for President of the United States of America.
As I have limited financial resources, my campaign staff will consist of one person -- myself. Campaign headquarters will be this blog.
I feel that as the only candidate who refuses all contributions from everyone (no, no, please, keep your money), I am the only candidate beholden to no special interest. And therefore, the only honest one.
Here are my positions on all the hot button issues of the day.
Gay marriage: As long it doesn't hurt me or cost me any money, let the gays do what they want. They'll find out soon enough that there's no better institution than marriage to take the gaiety out of being gay.
The current war: In the old days they used to subject prisoners to hard labor, which often consisted of going to quarries and breaking rocks with picks. So why have we sentenced our country to an equally futile labor on that worthless pile of rocks known as Afghanistan? Because we want their warm water ports? Osama is dead, long live the Taliban. And if the Taliban decides to invade us, next time we can just pay them back with nukes -- without setting foot there. Afghanistan is such a desolate place already, I doubt anyone will notice anyway. "Nation building" is just a euphemism for "nation destabilizing."
Bases abroad: Let Japan, Germany, South Korea, Saudi Arabia, and every other country pay for their own defense. The only reason we should have troops over there is if we decide to invade them.
Foreign aid: We should consider it when, and only when, our own budget is balanced. At that point, we should have a national referendum to see how it should be allocated.
Illegal immigration. Build a tall fence along our southern border, electrify it, and post armed guards every hundred yards. Shoot anyone who comes within firing range. Just kidding. Here's my real plan: American citizenship will be open to anyone who has either a million dollars (unless he's a criminal) or an IQ over 115 (we need to start catching up with the Chinese, and now). Otherwise, try your luck elsewhere.
Tax reform. A lot of people seem to feel that the only way to simplify the tax code is to flatten it. (Why?) Eliminate all the loopholes, including the mortgage interest deduction and the charitable deduction, and keep it graduated. In fact, the graduation should extend through income levels of $500K, 1MM, 2MM, and 5MM a year. Obama's labeling of couples making 250K a year as "millionaires and billionaires" is wrong. But the idea that someone making five million a year is going to lose his ambition because he is netting slightly less is also ridiculous: if anything, with less money, he should work harder. Then, with no loopholes, you should be able to lower the overall rates, which would be the greatest stimulus of all. My heart refuses to bleed for someone who can't buy a sixth house.
ObamaCare attacked the spiraling cost of health care by adding more people to the insurance rolls, which only increases costs. We need to attack the problem at its root, by driving costs down. This means less insurance, not more. People should be given incentives not to visit the doctor as often (think higher co-pays) and be given incentives for a healthy lifestyle. We don't need more sick people visiting more doctors, we need more healthy people.
College loans: since college is a waste of time and money for most people anyway, let's not throw any more money down that drain. There are certainly cheaper ways of proving you're smart, like acing the SATs and then not going to college. Whom would you rather hire: someone who got 800's and had the wisdom not to attend college, or someone who got 650's and then partied on his father's dime for four years?
The inheritance tax: Keep it. For those who would abolish it: sorry, but you can't take it with you. Once you're dead, you give up your rights as an American citizen. (All those who would like those rights back are welcome to vote for my opponents.) No one earned the money that their parents worked for.
Energy: If solar and wind power can prove their economic feasibility, fine. Otherwise, convert to natural gas. We have a 200 year supply of it. So people should be allowed to frack wherever they want, as long as they return the land to a pristine state afterward. In order to insure that they do so, all fossil fuel companies will pay into a fund which will go towards that end. And the government is not allowed to "borrow" from this fund the way it has from Social Security. It's high time we got our fracking energy independence -- if you'll pardon my language.
The Chinese have already declared a trade war on us with their piracy of intellectual material, their purposeful stifling of the yuan, their lax pollution laws, and their government-sponsored attempts to undercut certain US industries (like the solar industry). We can either continue to pretend that they haven't declared war, or respond with a tariff. I say the latter. If they respond by no longer buying our bonds, fine; under my administration we will no longer be running a deficit anyway. And if they want to sell the bonds they own, fine. It will merely depress the value of their own holdings and drive up interest rates in general, which is fine with me: I'm as tired as everyone else of getting less than one percent on my money market funds.
Lobbying: all campaign contributions will cease immediately. Our politicians have been bought and paid for by special interests for far too long. All campaigns should be publicly financed, and every candidate who has 20% or more support will get an equal chance to be heard. (I have not quite breached that level so far, so will have to content myself with this blog -- for now.) The idea that not being able to spend hundreds of millions on air time abrogates one's free speech is ludicrous. We need honest legislators, not prostitutes.
Affirmative action will no longer be race-based, but will be economically-based. A poor kid from the ghetto should get a leg up over a white middle class kid, but a poor white kid from Appalachia should likewise get a leg up over a middle class black kid. The only thing our current affirmative action policy affirms is that our diversity is not our strength.
Abortion should be available to anyone who wants it, free of charge from the government. This will be one of the best investments the government ever made. There are only so many resources, and kids are too important to be just an accidental byproduct of screwing. (A worthwhile life begins not at conception, but at birth when you have two parents who love you.) If you find abortion morally objectionable, then don't get one.
Welfare should be available to everybody who agrees to have Norplant implanted under her skin (and the equivalent drug for males) and who's willing to work for it. The only exceptions to this rule are the blind, the crippled, the infirm, and the retarded, along with those under 18 and over 65. People already on the dole shouldn't be popping more kids with their only plan of support being more welfare.
Yes, the cute little slogans at the end of some of the paragraphs are ridiculous oversimplifications. None, however, are quite as unsubstantive as "hope and change."
As I have limited financial resources, my campaign staff will consist of one person -- myself. Campaign headquarters will be this blog.
I feel that as the only candidate who refuses all contributions from everyone (no, no, please, keep your money), I am the only candidate beholden to no special interest. And therefore, the only honest one.
Here are my positions on all the hot button issues of the day.
Gay marriage: As long it doesn't hurt me or cost me any money, let the gays do what they want. They'll find out soon enough that there's no better institution than marriage to take the gaiety out of being gay.
The current war: In the old days they used to subject prisoners to hard labor, which often consisted of going to quarries and breaking rocks with picks. So why have we sentenced our country to an equally futile labor on that worthless pile of rocks known as Afghanistan? Because we want their warm water ports? Osama is dead, long live the Taliban. And if the Taliban decides to invade us, next time we can just pay them back with nukes -- without setting foot there. Afghanistan is such a desolate place already, I doubt anyone will notice anyway. "Nation building" is just a euphemism for "nation destabilizing."
Bases abroad: Let Japan, Germany, South Korea, Saudi Arabia, and every other country pay for their own defense. The only reason we should have troops over there is if we decide to invade them.
Foreign aid: We should consider it when, and only when, our own budget is balanced. At that point, we should have a national referendum to see how it should be allocated.
Illegal immigration. Build a tall fence along our southern border, electrify it, and post armed guards every hundred yards. Shoot anyone who comes within firing range. Just kidding. Here's my real plan: American citizenship will be open to anyone who has either a million dollars (unless he's a criminal) or an IQ over 115 (we need to start catching up with the Chinese, and now). Otherwise, try your luck elsewhere.
Tax reform. A lot of people seem to feel that the only way to simplify the tax code is to flatten it. (Why?) Eliminate all the loopholes, including the mortgage interest deduction and the charitable deduction, and keep it graduated. In fact, the graduation should extend through income levels of $500K, 1MM, 2MM, and 5MM a year. Obama's labeling of couples making 250K a year as "millionaires and billionaires" is wrong. But the idea that someone making five million a year is going to lose his ambition because he is netting slightly less is also ridiculous: if anything, with less money, he should work harder. Then, with no loopholes, you should be able to lower the overall rates, which would be the greatest stimulus of all. My heart refuses to bleed for someone who can't buy a sixth house.
ObamaCare attacked the spiraling cost of health care by adding more people to the insurance rolls, which only increases costs. We need to attack the problem at its root, by driving costs down. This means less insurance, not more. People should be given incentives not to visit the doctor as often (think higher co-pays) and be given incentives for a healthy lifestyle. We don't need more sick people visiting more doctors, we need more healthy people.
College loans: since college is a waste of time and money for most people anyway, let's not throw any more money down that drain. There are certainly cheaper ways of proving you're smart, like acing the SATs and then not going to college. Whom would you rather hire: someone who got 800's and had the wisdom not to attend college, or someone who got 650's and then partied on his father's dime for four years?
The inheritance tax: Keep it. For those who would abolish it: sorry, but you can't take it with you. Once you're dead, you give up your rights as an American citizen. (All those who would like those rights back are welcome to vote for my opponents.) No one earned the money that their parents worked for.
Energy: If solar and wind power can prove their economic feasibility, fine. Otherwise, convert to natural gas. We have a 200 year supply of it. So people should be allowed to frack wherever they want, as long as they return the land to a pristine state afterward. In order to insure that they do so, all fossil fuel companies will pay into a fund which will go towards that end. And the government is not allowed to "borrow" from this fund the way it has from Social Security. It's high time we got our fracking energy independence -- if you'll pardon my language.
The Chinese have already declared a trade war on us with their piracy of intellectual material, their purposeful stifling of the yuan, their lax pollution laws, and their government-sponsored attempts to undercut certain US industries (like the solar industry). We can either continue to pretend that they haven't declared war, or respond with a tariff. I say the latter. If they respond by no longer buying our bonds, fine; under my administration we will no longer be running a deficit anyway. And if they want to sell the bonds they own, fine. It will merely depress the value of their own holdings and drive up interest rates in general, which is fine with me: I'm as tired as everyone else of getting less than one percent on my money market funds.
Lobbying: all campaign contributions will cease immediately. Our politicians have been bought and paid for by special interests for far too long. All campaigns should be publicly financed, and every candidate who has 20% or more support will get an equal chance to be heard. (I have not quite breached that level so far, so will have to content myself with this blog -- for now.) The idea that not being able to spend hundreds of millions on air time abrogates one's free speech is ludicrous. We need honest legislators, not prostitutes.
Affirmative action will no longer be race-based, but will be economically-based. A poor kid from the ghetto should get a leg up over a white middle class kid, but a poor white kid from Appalachia should likewise get a leg up over a middle class black kid. The only thing our current affirmative action policy affirms is that our diversity is not our strength.
Abortion should be available to anyone who wants it, free of charge from the government. This will be one of the best investments the government ever made. There are only so many resources, and kids are too important to be just an accidental byproduct of screwing. (A worthwhile life begins not at conception, but at birth when you have two parents who love you.) If you find abortion morally objectionable, then don't get one.
Welfare should be available to everybody who agrees to have Norplant implanted under her skin (and the equivalent drug for males) and who's willing to work for it. The only exceptions to this rule are the blind, the crippled, the infirm, and the retarded, along with those under 18 and over 65. People already on the dole shouldn't be popping more kids with their only plan of support being more welfare.
Yes, the cute little slogans at the end of some of the paragraphs are ridiculous oversimplifications. None, however, are quite as unsubstantive as "hope and change."
Friday, October 28, 2011
Confessions of a beta male XI: Drinking
One primary difference between alphas and betas is their drinking styles. You'd think that alphas might drink less, given that they tend to already be high on life -- or at least on themselves. But that doesn't seem to be the way it works.
An alpha drinks simply because it's fun. I drink when I need courage -- or at least a certain numbness.
After he's had three beers, an alpha, whatever his actual build, feels like a twenty-seven-year old Arnold Schwarzenegger. After three beers, my beer muscles only grow slightly: I'm still an ectomorph, albeit a slightly more toned one.
I don't find others' vomiting either charming or funny, and find my own extremely unpleasant. I've seen alphas step outside to throw up, then just calmly go back inside to continue drinking.
After his first drink, an alpha thinks, mmm, that tasted good. I think, that drink just cost me five bucks plus tax and tip: was it really worth seven bucks just to feel a little dizzy?
An alpha will drink a three hundred dollar bottle of wine on the company dime and think, hey, I'm a classy guy who appreciates quality -- let's have another. I think, that's basically six glasses at fifty dollars a glass, which works out to maybe five dollars a sip. I have no idea whether the wine is actually good because all I can taste is the money going down my throat.
After a few drinks an alpha thinks, getting a buzz on is a GOOD thing. I start wondering how many brain cells I've just killed.
An alpha may take pride in his "empty leg." I know I'll never win a drinking contest, so the thought would never even occur to me.
For an alpha, beer goggles can turn a 3 into a 7. (Alphas have a tendency to view 5's as 7's to begin with.) The prescription on my goggles was always weak: they might turn a 6.0 into a 6.5. (Then again, alcohol occasionally did give me the courage to start a conversation with that 6.5.)
Towards the end of the evening, an alpha will have one more "just for the road." I pull out the tablet of Vitamin B I brought and ask for water, to counteract the dehydration alcohol can cause.
An alpha will then pile into his car, secure in the knowledge that he's such a good driver he'll never be pulled over even when drunk. I walk back and forth in the parking lot until I think my blood alcohol level is legal.
An alpha drinks simply because it's fun. I drink when I need courage -- or at least a certain numbness.
After he's had three beers, an alpha, whatever his actual build, feels like a twenty-seven-year old Arnold Schwarzenegger. After three beers, my beer muscles only grow slightly: I'm still an ectomorph, albeit a slightly more toned one.
I don't find others' vomiting either charming or funny, and find my own extremely unpleasant. I've seen alphas step outside to throw up, then just calmly go back inside to continue drinking.
After his first drink, an alpha thinks, mmm, that tasted good. I think, that drink just cost me five bucks plus tax and tip: was it really worth seven bucks just to feel a little dizzy?
An alpha will drink a three hundred dollar bottle of wine on the company dime and think, hey, I'm a classy guy who appreciates quality -- let's have another. I think, that's basically six glasses at fifty dollars a glass, which works out to maybe five dollars a sip. I have no idea whether the wine is actually good because all I can taste is the money going down my throat.
After a few drinks an alpha thinks, getting a buzz on is a GOOD thing. I start wondering how many brain cells I've just killed.
An alpha may take pride in his "empty leg." I know I'll never win a drinking contest, so the thought would never even occur to me.
For an alpha, beer goggles can turn a 3 into a 7. (Alphas have a tendency to view 5's as 7's to begin with.) The prescription on my goggles was always weak: they might turn a 6.0 into a 6.5. (Then again, alcohol occasionally did give me the courage to start a conversation with that 6.5.)
Towards the end of the evening, an alpha will have one more "just for the road." I pull out the tablet of Vitamin B I brought and ask for water, to counteract the dehydration alcohol can cause.
An alpha will then pile into his car, secure in the knowledge that he's such a good driver he'll never be pulled over even when drunk. I walk back and forth in the parking lot until I think my blood alcohol level is legal.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Fate
A swimming buddy yesterday related a story that he had only heard from his 87-year-old father about eight years ago:
His father had enlisted in the infantry in 1943, after his freshman year of college, and was sent to fight in Europe with the 104th Mountain Division -- the Timber Wolves. He was supposed to have been part of a two man Browning Automatic Rifle team, but when the Army found out that he was an engineering major, they turned him into the Company radio man. Because of this, he was usually positioned fifty yards behind the front line, which often meant the difference between life and death.
The Timber Wolves, based in Holland and Germany, fought in the Battle of the Bulge as well as in many other lesser known battles of WWII. The soldiers in his Company got to the point where they could tell just from the sound which shells were going to land close by and which weren't. One day my friend's father and his unit were walking along a road when they heard a mortar, then the ominous whistling which meant that a shell was about to land nearby. The entire unit jumped into a nearby bomb crater. Then the shell exploded.
When my friend's father looked up, he saw that every single other man in his unit had been killed. He realized he had to deliver the bad news to headquarters, so he unstrapped the radio -- radios were cumbersome affairs back in those days -- from his back. When he tried to contact headquarters, he found that the radio didn't work. A quick examination revealed the reason: it was riddled with shrapnel.
The radio had saved his life.
By the end of the war, that young man was the only one out of the 200 men in his Company who hadn't been either killed or wounded.
If it hadn't been for that radio, my swimming buddy would never have been born, nor his children, and so on. All of human history, of course, is filled with stories like this. Some people die, and some survive and procreate. And so much of what happens is just a matter of luck.
It's impossible to hear a story like this, though, and not marvel at the hand of Fate.
His father had enlisted in the infantry in 1943, after his freshman year of college, and was sent to fight in Europe with the 104th Mountain Division -- the Timber Wolves. He was supposed to have been part of a two man Browning Automatic Rifle team, but when the Army found out that he was an engineering major, they turned him into the Company radio man. Because of this, he was usually positioned fifty yards behind the front line, which often meant the difference between life and death.
The Timber Wolves, based in Holland and Germany, fought in the Battle of the Bulge as well as in many other lesser known battles of WWII. The soldiers in his Company got to the point where they could tell just from the sound which shells were going to land close by and which weren't. One day my friend's father and his unit were walking along a road when they heard a mortar, then the ominous whistling which meant that a shell was about to land nearby. The entire unit jumped into a nearby bomb crater. Then the shell exploded.
When my friend's father looked up, he saw that every single other man in his unit had been killed. He realized he had to deliver the bad news to headquarters, so he unstrapped the radio -- radios were cumbersome affairs back in those days -- from his back. When he tried to contact headquarters, he found that the radio didn't work. A quick examination revealed the reason: it was riddled with shrapnel.
The radio had saved his life.
By the end of the war, that young man was the only one out of the 200 men in his Company who hadn't been either killed or wounded.
If it hadn't been for that radio, my swimming buddy would never have been born, nor his children, and so on. All of human history, of course, is filled with stories like this. Some people die, and some survive and procreate. And so much of what happens is just a matter of luck.
It's impossible to hear a story like this, though, and not marvel at the hand of Fate.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
87 is the new 37
http://news.yahoo.com/indiana-man-87-nabbed-228-pounds-cocaine-police-230721897.html
Whenever I read of a 37-year-old who has been caught with this amount of drugs, I quietly think: glad they caught him, hope they get a conviction. Then I go on to the next article. But somehow when I read about an 87-year-old being caught like this, I can't help but think: Way to go, grandpa!
Think of the average 87-year-old. If he's still alive, he's probably lucky to get across the room with his walker. But this guy -- Leo Earl Sharp -- still had the juice to be committing crimes, and not just any crime, but a big one.
I'm not quite going to say he's my hero, but.....you gotta admit, there is something admirable about him.
Here's how I want my obituary to read:
"John Craig, 104, was killed in a knife fight in a medium security prison yesterday in Washington state. He managed to kill four other inmates before the fifth one killed him. Craig succumbed to his wounds almost immediately.
"Craig had been convicted the previous year of statutory rape. At his trial, the 103-year-old Craig had groused, 'How the hell was I supposed to know she was only 17? She told me she was 21, and anyway, she was plenty willing.'
"But the judge said that Craig should have known better, and sentenced him to a two year term. When Craig then told the judge he'd better be looking over his shoulder after Craig got released, the judge added an extra year."
(It's my blog. I can fantasize if I want.)
Whenever I read of a 37-year-old who has been caught with this amount of drugs, I quietly think: glad they caught him, hope they get a conviction. Then I go on to the next article. But somehow when I read about an 87-year-old being caught like this, I can't help but think: Way to go, grandpa!
Think of the average 87-year-old. If he's still alive, he's probably lucky to get across the room with his walker. But this guy -- Leo Earl Sharp -- still had the juice to be committing crimes, and not just any crime, but a big one.
I'm not quite going to say he's my hero, but.....you gotta admit, there is something admirable about him.
Here's how I want my obituary to read:
"John Craig, 104, was killed in a knife fight in a medium security prison yesterday in Washington state. He managed to kill four other inmates before the fifth one killed him. Craig succumbed to his wounds almost immediately.
"Craig had been convicted the previous year of statutory rape. At his trial, the 103-year-old Craig had groused, 'How the hell was I supposed to know she was only 17? She told me she was 21, and anyway, she was plenty willing.'
"But the judge said that Craig should have known better, and sentenced him to a two year term. When Craig then told the judge he'd better be looking over his shoulder after Craig got released, the judge added an extra year."
(It's my blog. I can fantasize if I want.)
Monday, October 24, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
"How to Spot Psychopaths: Speech Patterns Give Them Away"
An article which appeared on Yahoo yesterday:
http://news.yahoo.com/spot-psychopaths-speech-patterns-them-away-152209939.html
A couple excerpts:
Using computer programs to analyze what the men said, the researchers found that those with psychopathic scores showed a lack of emotion, spoke in terms of cause-and-effect when describing their crimes, and focused their attention on basic needs, such as food, drink and money....
What I had thought the article might mention, but didn't, is a tendency I've noticed with at least two sociopaths I've known well: they like to overpronounce their words, like overly actor-ish news broadcasters. I've never been sure whether this is because they are so in love with the sound of their own voices, or because it is just their naturally uninhibited way of being emphatic -- or both.
That, um, concludes this, uh, post.
http://news.yahoo.com/spot-psychopaths-speech-patterns-them-away-152209939.html
A couple excerpts:
Using computer programs to analyze what the men said, the researchers found that those with psychopathic scores showed a lack of emotion, spoke in terms of cause-and-effect when describing their crimes, and focused their attention on basic needs, such as food, drink and money....
To examine the emotional content of the murderers' speech, Hancock and his colleagues looked at a number of factors, including how frequently they described their crimes using the past tense. The use of the past tense can be an indicator of psychological detachment, and the researchers found that the psychopaths used it more than the present tense when compared with the nonpsychopaths. They also found more dysfluencies — the "uhs" and "ums" that interrupt speech — among psychopaths. Nearly universal in speech, dysfluencies indicate that the speaker needs some time to think about what they are saying.
Focusing their attention on food, drink, and money, are themes this blog has mentioned in the past. One of the things that distinguishes a sociopath (which is essentially another word for a psychopath) is their utter lack of human(e) feeling. Therefore, after committing a murder, which is the last time a nonsociopath would be thinking about food, they are so relaxed and unperturbed they will immediately think about food or drink. And they will do anything to get money. We all like money, but for sociopaths, it often takes on an almost talismanic meaning. (As in, sociopaths are the root of all evil.)
Use of the past tense is certainly interesting, and makes sense. ("That was the old me, now I've turned over a new leaf.") I had never noticed the more frequent uses of "ums" and "uhs" before, but that makes sense too. ("Uh, officer, the, uh, gun just flew into my hand and, um, just went off on its own.")
That, um, concludes this, uh, post.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Nice guys, average guys, and sociopaths (IX)
Situation: A nice guy, average guy, and sociopath, all of average intelligence, are put together in a social situation. What do they think of each other?
Nice guy: At first likes both. Continues to make excuses for the sociopaths's behavior long after it is apparent to others that his behavior is inexcusable. When someone points this out, the nice guy replies, "Well, I guess he has a dark side, but I certainly don't think he's a sociopath."
Average guy: At first sees the nice guy as boring, and thinks the sociopath is really cool and dynamic and fun to be around. Sees him as what he wants to be -- courageous, cynical, funny, and irreverent. As time goes on he eventually sees the sociopath for what he is -- disloyal, dishonest, self-serving, and hypocritical, and grows to hate him. Still sees the nice guy as a turkey, however, and avoids him as much as possible too.
Sociopath: Sees both of the others as potential marks. As time goes on, he realizes that the nice guy is a much better mark. When he sees that the average guy has caught onto him, he hates him back in turn. Resents the nice guy for so obviously having come from a loving family, and for being so naive.
Situation: You run the 400 meter dash for your college team.
Nice guy: Shows up to every practice, trains hard, and gets so nervous before his meets he sometimes throws up beforehand. Is somewhat in awe of the muscular guy on the team who is so fast.
Average guy: Shows up to most practices, gets nervous before the meets. Realizes that many world class competitors take performance enhancing drugs. Finds out about a food supplement store whose proprietor sells steroids on the side. Knows he would feel bad about cheating, but the really deciding factor for him is that he doesn't want his testicles shrunk, nor does he want to grow breasts after he stops taking steroids.
Sociopath: Doesn't really enjoy practice, and skips it whenever he feels like it, but looks forward to the meets as a place where he can strut his stuff. Occasionally throws up after a race as he doesn't get nervous ahead of time and just eats whenever he's hungry. As soon as he hears about the local dealer, seeks him out and goes on the juice. Figures those side effects he's heard about will never affect him.
Situation: You brush up against someone in a bar, causing him to spill his drink. He takes a swing at you, and without thinking you instinctively swing back, knocking him out. What do you do then?
Nice guy: Is absolutely mortified at what he's done, and is afraid that he might have caused some sort of permanent damage to the other guy. Asks the crowd if there's a doctor in the house.
Average guy: As the realization of what he's just done sinks in, he looks around to make sure his buddies have witnessed his glorious feat. His exultation as he realizes he will be able to dine out on this story for a long time is tempered by a moment of panic as he realizes this could get him into trouble. He quickly says to his buddy, "You saw what just happened, right? It was self-defense."
Sociopath: Once the guy is down on the ground, stamps on his head once for good measure, and also kicks him in the ribs. Doing this feels awfully good to him. He says somewhat threateningly to the surrounding witnesses, "It was self-defense. I had to make sure he wasn't going to get up and attack me again." Then adds, in aggrieved tone, "Crazy guy like that, you never know what he's going to do." He is immediately filled with the hope that he will get to do this again, and soon.
Nice guy: At first likes both. Continues to make excuses for the sociopaths's behavior long after it is apparent to others that his behavior is inexcusable. When someone points this out, the nice guy replies, "Well, I guess he has a dark side, but I certainly don't think he's a sociopath."
Average guy: At first sees the nice guy as boring, and thinks the sociopath is really cool and dynamic and fun to be around. Sees him as what he wants to be -- courageous, cynical, funny, and irreverent. As time goes on he eventually sees the sociopath for what he is -- disloyal, dishonest, self-serving, and hypocritical, and grows to hate him. Still sees the nice guy as a turkey, however, and avoids him as much as possible too.
Sociopath: Sees both of the others as potential marks. As time goes on, he realizes that the nice guy is a much better mark. When he sees that the average guy has caught onto him, he hates him back in turn. Resents the nice guy for so obviously having come from a loving family, and for being so naive.
Situation: You run the 400 meter dash for your college team.
Nice guy: Shows up to every practice, trains hard, and gets so nervous before his meets he sometimes throws up beforehand. Is somewhat in awe of the muscular guy on the team who is so fast.
Average guy: Shows up to most practices, gets nervous before the meets. Realizes that many world class competitors take performance enhancing drugs. Finds out about a food supplement store whose proprietor sells steroids on the side. Knows he would feel bad about cheating, but the really deciding factor for him is that he doesn't want his testicles shrunk, nor does he want to grow breasts after he stops taking steroids.
Sociopath: Doesn't really enjoy practice, and skips it whenever he feels like it, but looks forward to the meets as a place where he can strut his stuff. Occasionally throws up after a race as he doesn't get nervous ahead of time and just eats whenever he's hungry. As soon as he hears about the local dealer, seeks him out and goes on the juice. Figures those side effects he's heard about will never affect him.
Situation: You brush up against someone in a bar, causing him to spill his drink. He takes a swing at you, and without thinking you instinctively swing back, knocking him out. What do you do then?
Nice guy: Is absolutely mortified at what he's done, and is afraid that he might have caused some sort of permanent damage to the other guy. Asks the crowd if there's a doctor in the house.
Average guy: As the realization of what he's just done sinks in, he looks around to make sure his buddies have witnessed his glorious feat. His exultation as he realizes he will be able to dine out on this story for a long time is tempered by a moment of panic as he realizes this could get him into trouble. He quickly says to his buddy, "You saw what just happened, right? It was self-defense."
Sociopath: Once the guy is down on the ground, stamps on his head once for good measure, and also kicks him in the ribs. Doing this feels awfully good to him. He says somewhat threateningly to the surrounding witnesses, "It was self-defense. I had to make sure he wasn't going to get up and attack me again." Then adds, in aggrieved tone, "Crazy guy like that, you never know what he's going to do." He is immediately filled with the hope that he will get to do this again, and soon.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Nice guys, average guys, and sociopaths (VIII)
Situation: You served in the Army as a Public Affairs Specialist, writing news releases and the like. As part of your job you once traveled to Kabul briefly. What do you tell people about your service?
Nice guy: Tells the truth, that he worked behind the lines briefly in Afghanistan. Takes pains to point out that he never saw combat.
Average guy: Says that he served in the Army in Afghanistan. If asked exactly what his job was, tells the truth, but emphasizes that he was in danger too, carried an M4, and traveled with a patrol once. Says he thought about trying out for Special Forces (the thought fleetingly crossed his mind), but in the end decided to go to college instead.
Sociopath: Says he was a Navy Seal, and engaged in covert operations he can't talk about. Once he sees that his tough guy credentials are established, burnishes his nice guy credentials by saying he is tormented by the thought that one time there might have been collateral damage from a hand grenade he threw.
Situation: How do you react to the sight of a legless veteran in wheelchair?
Nice guy: Looks away quickly; the tear forming in his eye embarrasses him.
Average guy: Looks away, then looks back at the veteran and nods, remembering what he once read about how people in wheelchairs don't like the way they become "invisible" since people are taught that it's impolite to stare. Feels sympathy, but also thinks, better him than me.
Sociopath: Stares directly at the stumps for a few seconds with a look of rapt fascination. Then looks up at the man's face as if he is a freakish curiosity. When he is out of earshot, or perhaps not quite out of earshot, says to his buddies, "Jesus, if I was that guy I'd kill myself."
Situation: You've just put a week working for Habitat for Humanity.
Nice guy: Just hopes his work has helped a little. Doesn't really focus on his own participation, other than to worry that perhaps the quality of his work might not have been good enough. For him, the work actually is its own reward.
Average guy: Joined thinking it would be a good way to meet girls, and figures it will look good on his resume. Feels this is definitive proof that he is a good person. Manages to insert his work into every conversation. Also figures the week has bought him respite from any good deeds for a long time.
Sociopath: Sees himself as a saint. Tries to portray himself this way even to the other people at Habitat, in the process managing to annoy all of them. Walks around in a constant state of egomania about his "sainthood." Exudes "goodness" all the time. Gets quite preachy about the need to help others. Becomes angry when others don't regard him in a saintly light.
Nice guy: Tells the truth, that he worked behind the lines briefly in Afghanistan. Takes pains to point out that he never saw combat.
Average guy: Says that he served in the Army in Afghanistan. If asked exactly what his job was, tells the truth, but emphasizes that he was in danger too, carried an M4, and traveled with a patrol once. Says he thought about trying out for Special Forces (the thought fleetingly crossed his mind), but in the end decided to go to college instead.
Sociopath: Says he was a Navy Seal, and engaged in covert operations he can't talk about. Once he sees that his tough guy credentials are established, burnishes his nice guy credentials by saying he is tormented by the thought that one time there might have been collateral damage from a hand grenade he threw.
Situation: How do you react to the sight of a legless veteran in wheelchair?
Nice guy: Looks away quickly; the tear forming in his eye embarrasses him.
Average guy: Looks away, then looks back at the veteran and nods, remembering what he once read about how people in wheelchairs don't like the way they become "invisible" since people are taught that it's impolite to stare. Feels sympathy, but also thinks, better him than me.
Sociopath: Stares directly at the stumps for a few seconds with a look of rapt fascination. Then looks up at the man's face as if he is a freakish curiosity. When he is out of earshot, or perhaps not quite out of earshot, says to his buddies, "Jesus, if I was that guy I'd kill myself."
Situation: You've just put a week working for Habitat for Humanity.
Nice guy: Just hopes his work has helped a little. Doesn't really focus on his own participation, other than to worry that perhaps the quality of his work might not have been good enough. For him, the work actually is its own reward.
Average guy: Joined thinking it would be a good way to meet girls, and figures it will look good on his resume. Feels this is definitive proof that he is a good person. Manages to insert his work into every conversation. Also figures the week has bought him respite from any good deeds for a long time.
Sociopath: Sees himself as a saint. Tries to portray himself this way even to the other people at Habitat, in the process managing to annoy all of them. Walks around in a constant state of egomania about his "sainthood." Exudes "goodness" all the time. Gets quite preachy about the need to help others. Becomes angry when others don't regard him in a saintly light.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
The curse of Cain
The Mormon church has traditionally believed that the visible manifestation of the "curse of Cain" was black skin, and that all black people were descended from Cain, the biblical figure who slew his brother Abel. The church has distanced itself from this scriptural interpretation recently, but it was part of their doctrine for a long time.
How ironic that the leading contender for the Republican nomination, Mitt Romney, is a Mormon, and that the candidate who may -- according to this morning's poll -- have just overtaken him is a black man named Herman Cain.
This blog probably pays too much attention to names. After all, what's in a name?
Still, one can't help but marvel at the coincidence.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Sex assaults by campus
The other day a friend asked which college I thought would have the highest rate of sexual assault between Harvard, Princeton, Yale, Florida, and Texas A&M. It sounded like a trick question, so I replied, Harvard. He then sent the following chart:
Number of students/Reported sexual assaults/2007 2008 2009
Harvard 27,954 15 15 17
(Rate per million:) 537 537 608
Yale 11,701 8 13 7
681 1111 598
Princeton 7724 14 18 9
1813 2330 1165
Florida 49,827 2 1 3
40 20 60
Texas A&M 49,129 7 6 0
142 122 0
My immediate reaction to this was, it can't be true. It's not that I have a high opinion of Ivy scruples, but there's just no way the rate of sexual assault is that much higher there.
The explanation for the disparity has to be that the Ivy League is filled with women who will call you for sexual assault if you try to kiss them without asking permission, whereas Florida and Texas A&M are filled with women who consider date rape normal sex.
Number of students/Reported sexual assaults/2007 2008 2009
Harvard 27,954 15 15 17
(Rate per million:) 537 537 608
Yale 11,701 8 13 7
681 1111 598
Princeton 7724 14 18 9
1813 2330 1165
Florida 49,827 2 1 3
40 20 60
Texas A&M 49,129 7 6 0
142 122 0
My immediate reaction to this was, it can't be true. It's not that I have a high opinion of Ivy scruples, but there's just no way the rate of sexual assault is that much higher there.
The explanation for the disparity has to be that the Ivy League is filled with women who will call you for sexual assault if you try to kiss them without asking permission, whereas Florida and Texas A&M are filled with women who consider date rape normal sex.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Nice guys, average guys, and sociopaths (VII)
Situation: You're offered insider information from a friend who swears you to secrecy.
Nice guy: Thanks his friend but says he doesn't want to use it because he doesn't want to take the risk. He also feels it's morally wrong, but is too embarrassed to give that as a reason, knowing he would be mocked. When his friend tells him he should do it for the sake of his family, he feels bad about that, but still demurs. Worries about his friend. Worries that he himself might be legally liable just for having heard the information.
Average guy: Asks his friend over and over if the chain of information is airtight. Uses the information. Doesn't really feel that guilty about what he views as a victimless crime, but worries a lot about being caught. Tells himself this is the last time he'll do it, but when his friend offers him another piece of insider info, he thinks of how much he could make and succumbs again. When finally caught, he tries to stonewall, and doesn't give up his friend. When convicted, he feels almost as badly for his family as he does for himself.
Sociopath: Buys more stock than his friend recommended, and also passes the info along to a couple of acquaintances he wants leverage over. Boasts to others that he is privy to "special" information about the stock market, to show how well connected he is. Spends the money on a flashy car, flashy clothes, and fancy summer house rental. Assumes he won't get caught; when he does, he immediately offers to give up his source as well as the two he passed the info along to in exchange for leniency.
Situation: You become a priest.
Nice guy: Volunteers to work in a parish in a poor neighborhood, ministering to the needy, trying to help them improve their lot. Helps out in neighborhood doing non-priestly jobs like helping tutor students. Is tormented by his homosexuality, and doesn't act on it. Actually says his prayers when he goes to sleep at night.
Average guy: Is drawn to the profession because he wants to cover up his homosexuality, make a steady income, and have reputation as man of god. Enjoys the trappings and ceremony of the church. Is proud of his knowledge of Latin. Enjoys the respect of his parishioners. Has an affair with a younger priest.
Sociopath. Treats his parish as a business. Founds a "Help the Children" charity for orphans abroad; sees this as a perfect opportunity to molest boys who don't have parents who will come after him, in countries without strict enforcement against molestation. Many young boys are permanently scarred by his attentions. Pockets half the money he raises.
Situation: What do you usually tell people about your family?
Nice guy: Talks about how grateful he is to his parents, and how sweet his sister is. Tends to assume everyone else has the same close, loving relationship with their families he does. His friends think he's boring because he goes home to see them so frequently.
Average guy: Talks about his family rarely since he mostly talks about himself, but when he does he complains about what turkeys his parents are, and how his sister is a pest. But deep down, despite being embarrassed by them, he loves them.
Sociopath: Almost never talks about his alcoholic mother or absent father. (He is estranged from his mother and hasn't seen his father in years.) After a few years, he decides to make up a story about how his father was a Rockefeller, but was disinherited, and changed his last name; he likes the way people treat him when they find out he is really a Rockefeller.
Nice guy: Thanks his friend but says he doesn't want to use it because he doesn't want to take the risk. He also feels it's morally wrong, but is too embarrassed to give that as a reason, knowing he would be mocked. When his friend tells him he should do it for the sake of his family, he feels bad about that, but still demurs. Worries about his friend. Worries that he himself might be legally liable just for having heard the information.
Average guy: Asks his friend over and over if the chain of information is airtight. Uses the information. Doesn't really feel that guilty about what he views as a victimless crime, but worries a lot about being caught. Tells himself this is the last time he'll do it, but when his friend offers him another piece of insider info, he thinks of how much he could make and succumbs again. When finally caught, he tries to stonewall, and doesn't give up his friend. When convicted, he feels almost as badly for his family as he does for himself.
Sociopath: Buys more stock than his friend recommended, and also passes the info along to a couple of acquaintances he wants leverage over. Boasts to others that he is privy to "special" information about the stock market, to show how well connected he is. Spends the money on a flashy car, flashy clothes, and fancy summer house rental. Assumes he won't get caught; when he does, he immediately offers to give up his source as well as the two he passed the info along to in exchange for leniency.
Situation: You become a priest.
Nice guy: Volunteers to work in a parish in a poor neighborhood, ministering to the needy, trying to help them improve their lot. Helps out in neighborhood doing non-priestly jobs like helping tutor students. Is tormented by his homosexuality, and doesn't act on it. Actually says his prayers when he goes to sleep at night.
Average guy: Is drawn to the profession because he wants to cover up his homosexuality, make a steady income, and have reputation as man of god. Enjoys the trappings and ceremony of the church. Is proud of his knowledge of Latin. Enjoys the respect of his parishioners. Has an affair with a younger priest.
Sociopath. Treats his parish as a business. Founds a "Help the Children" charity for orphans abroad; sees this as a perfect opportunity to molest boys who don't have parents who will come after him, in countries without strict enforcement against molestation. Many young boys are permanently scarred by his attentions. Pockets half the money he raises.
Situation: What do you usually tell people about your family?
Nice guy: Talks about how grateful he is to his parents, and how sweet his sister is. Tends to assume everyone else has the same close, loving relationship with their families he does. His friends think he's boring because he goes home to see them so frequently.
Average guy: Talks about his family rarely since he mostly talks about himself, but when he does he complains about what turkeys his parents are, and how his sister is a pest. But deep down, despite being embarrassed by them, he loves them.
Sociopath: Almost never talks about his alcoholic mother or absent father. (He is estranged from his mother and hasn't seen his father in years.) After a few years, he decides to make up a story about how his father was a Rockefeller, but was disinherited, and changed his last name; he likes the way people treat him when they find out he is really a Rockefeller.
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