Some days I walk down the street and feel as if I am (in my own over-sheltered, neurotic, and timid way) the baddest hombre who ever lived. I walk past other guys and think, I could absolutely beat the crap out of you. I walk by women and think, if only you had any idea of how skillful I am in bed.
But even though I know this, they don't. And it bothers me. I want people to know that I'm the walking bundle of machismo that I am.
The problem is, it would be immodest for me to announce this.
(Not to mention that, realistically, I'd probably get beaten up by half the men and also arrested after the women complained about me.)
So, how do I broadcast my incredible manliness and yet maintain an acceptable veneer of modesty at the same time?
I need to dress the part.
But how? Frankly, I'm a little old to be wearing t-shirts with death's head motifs, or dressing up like a biker (as opposed to a faux cyclist, as some middle-aged men in my town do). And I haven't earned the right to wear any sort of military gear.
So what to wear?
A few posts ago I explored Yoko Ono's new fashion line in my never ending quest to bolster my masculine bona fides. In the end, though, I decided against that look. Which left me still searching.
So, like any aspiring he-man, I looked to the recent Paris and London fashion shows for guidance, and was richly rewarded:
And, well, if people don't believe that, at least I'll be keeping my pimp hand strong.
My search is finally over.