I'm just a normal guy, of average masculinity. Like most normal guys, I don't have anything against homosexuals -- I just don't want to be mistaken for one myself. I have been, in the past, and don't like it. I'm not sure if I find it more discomfitting when a gay guy mistakes me for one of the brotherhood and comes on to me (yecch) or a straight guy thinks I'm gay (and he thinks, yecch). Either way, it's an experience I prefer to avoid, so I take pains to come across masculine in every way I can, including the way I dress.
Luckily for me, Yoko Ono has come up with a new fashion line just for guys like me. Yes, that Yoko. You may think of her as the gold digger who ended up with John Lennon's fortune. But she is far more than that. She is an avant garde genius of fashion, who understands exactly how a guy like me feels:
Let's say another guy on the football team has challenged you to a fight. Let's say you're supposed to meet him at the south parking lot at 3:45PM. Let's say you really hate this asswipe and want nothing more than to knock all of his teeth out, then stomp the little shit's face. And let's say practically everyone at school will be there, 'cause they all want to know who the numero uno alpha male at Central High really is.
The real question then becomes, what to wear? Yoko has come up with the perfect solution:
Okay, well, maybe I'm not being entirely serious. Maybe I wouldn't really wear these outfits to augment my masculine image. But there are other uses for them. For instance, if I ever get really furious at my daughter, I'll just wear the bum-less pants above when her friends come over. Think she'll die a thousand deaths?
Try a million.
Yoko Ono, back in the late 60's, once put a bunch of flies in a jar and called it "art."
I'm honestly not sure which I'd rather wear, that jar or these outfits.