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Friday, June 1, 2012

Confessions of a beta male XVIII: Self-consciousness

A beta male is usually more aware of -- and affected by -- social cues than an alpha male.

If an alpha wants to boast, he just does so. He is often not even aware that others perceive his talk as boasting: all he thinks about is how impressed they will be by his accomplishments. I brag as well -- sometimes my boasts just seem to slip out of their own volition -- but I always cringe afterward.

An alpha will laugh at his own joke, barely aware that others are not laughing. To the extent that he is aware, it doesn't really bother him because, hell, he thought it was funny. I am all too well aware of the many lead balloons that land at my feet.

An alpha will give left-handed compliments, unaware that he is in fact being insulting. In fact, he'll feel beneficent for having told the other fellow that he is most improved, or that he has done well considering his ability level. If the other fellow acts put off, the alpha will ascribe it to oversensitivity. I analyze my many faux pas, feel guilty about them, and never blame people for hating me.

An alpha will blunderbuss his way to the center of any gathering, unaware that he is intruding on anyone's space. I tarry at the fringes, too self-conscious to risk making a fool of myself in the spotlight.

If the mood of a gathering turns frosty, an alpha is impervious, enveloped as he is in the warm cocoon of his own self-love. I am a virtual reptile: if a room turns chilly, I find it difficult to function.

If the other person in a conversation speaks at the same time, an alpha will just raise his voice, thus encouraging the other person to pipe down. My middle name is Deferential: I'm usually the one who pipes down.

An alpha will have sex with a woman, barely aware that there is an actual human being attached to the breasts and vagina he is focusing on. I will actually wonder about what she is thinking -- to the point of distraction. 

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