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Sunday, May 5, 2013

Things I actually heard at Goldman Sachs

Yesterday's post about the funniest things supposedly overheard in the Goldman Sachs elevator made me think of things I actually did hear when I worked there:

(On the occasion of discussing a potential hire -- who happened to be female -- for the trading desk, in a meeting of about ten guys): "Hey, close the door....Listen, we got a nice little boys club here. Seriously, why ruin it?"

(While in a taxi passing by some homeless people on the street): "They didn't do their homework, fuck 'em."

(On the subject of a not-particularly charismatic salesman): "You know that guy married the first girl who fucked him."

(After a bunch of the back office ladies ordered out a Chinese lunch for New Years): "I wouldn't want to be a toilet in the women's room around 2PM."

(Bitterly, about a partner who happened to be overweight): "I'd love to fuck that guy up the ass with a ten foot pole. It'd take a big pole 'cause he's got such a fat ass."

(About a Jewish coworker someone complained about): "Hey, don't blame me, I'm German. We did our part."

(About a girl of moderate attractiveness who hoped to meet a guy on her European vacation): "They got eyes over there, don't they?"

(Upon finding out that a former Princeton classmate had been a star athlete): "I fucked his girlfriend!" (while raising his arms above his head in triumph).

(From a boss, about a trader he fired): "I keep his Monroe Trader [a bond calculator] underneath my desk just so I can remind myself every day that I fired that guy."

All of the above quotes are from one person, an unquestionable sociopath. (A sociopath's personality is a witch's brew of arrogance and hatred, a mix often expressed as spite.)

However, the following quotes are from three other people (they each get one quote):

(Gesturing out the 26th floor window to the world at large): "They're stupid. We can take their money."

(About an idealistic guy who'd left the firm because he was dismayed by its money-oriented culture): "That guy was always asking how what we were doing would benefit the people we were dealing with." (The speaker was shaking his head in bafflement at that attitude).

(About a black partner who often came into the lunchroom to take food which didn't belong to him): "It's the hardware, not the software."

I said in that previous post that I didn't believe the quotes from that site were real. But if I hadn't heard the above quotes myself, I might wonder whether they were real, or if someone just made them up to make the place look bad. (These quotes weren't chosen just to be funny, but more to give the flavor of the place.)

But I still doubt that the so-called overheard-in-the-elevator quotes are real, since most of them are more macroeconomic, so to speak, about general differences between the rich and the poor, which is generally not what Goldman workers talk about on a daily basis. They, like corporate employees everywhere, are far more likely to talk about what happened at the office that day, or about how much they dislike a particular coworker.


Anonymous said...

I laughed at couple of those not the crude ones so much

Must of been a few SP's in that place.

John Craig said...

Anon --
It was a snake pit alright. I suppose all corporations are, but I think that general ambiance is intensified on Wall Street.