Search Box

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Joe Biden's fantasy life

Joe Biden ran for the Democratic nomination for President twice, in 1988 and 2008. Being President, of course, is the secret dream of every politician who ever set foot in a legislature. Except in Biden's case, it wasn't so secret.

So the question for today is, how badly does Joe Biden want Barack Obama to be assassinated? It must be one of the first things he thinks about in the morning and one of the last things on his mind as he drifts off at night. He must dream about it when he's sleeping. He must feel a sharp pang of desire every time he sees that chair in the Oval Office.

Between his two Presidential runs in 1988 and 2008, Biden was just biding his time. (His name really ought to be "Joe Bidin'.")

Biden was first elected US Senator in 1972, when Obama was 11. He must hate playing second fiddle to a man 19 years younger. That is probably the first time you've heard that particular statistic -- but how many times do you think it has occurred to Biden himself?

Biden must hate having to pretend to adore Obama. Whenever you see them together, Biden is all smiles and bonhomie, but that has to be an act. (The proof is that Biden is able to produce it so readily, for every occasion).

How often does Biden wish for a fairy godmother (a latter day version of Lee Harvey Oswald or Sirhan Sirhan) who can make his dreams come true? (Where's James Earl Ray when you need him?) How often does Biden look at those Secret Service agents surrounding Obama and think, c'mon, why don't you guys just relax a little?

Biden probably ponders how he would act at Obama's funeral. He's a good actor; he'd be able to put on a properly somber face. He's probably got his eulogy prepared and memorized already. And he knows exactly how he'd phrase his condolences to Michelle; after all, he's already rehearsed the scene in his own mind many times.

Air Force One could always go down in a storm. Or maybe an al Qaeda operative could take it down with a Stinger missile. Hey, stranger things have happened.

Or what if Obama just had a heart attack while playing basketball? (What kind of poetic justice would that be?)

Obama wouldn't even have to die -- maybe he could just have an incapacitating stroke. Then, when people would inevitably say that Biden should take over, he could act as if he were completely offended at the very suggestion that he might in any way even think about being disloyal that way. But, in time, well, maybe he could reluctantly allow himself to be persuaded. Then people would see that in fact he was a much better President than that basketball-playing fool.

A heartbeat away from the Presidency: so near, and yet so far. When you think about it, it really is a refined form of torture.

(By the way, I feel the opposite. I fervently hope that Obama lives long past the possibility of martyrdom, long enough for the public to wake up to his true character.) 


Anonymous said...

ohn--what's so funny about this article is, in my humble opinion, the sheer likelihood that Biden thinks and feels exactly that! Right, anyone who wanted to be president that bad probably is cringing at being vice anything especially to a guy who's young enough to be his son. Thanks, Brian

John Craig said...

Brian --
Thank you. I'd never really thought about it much before today, but when it hit me, I realized it has to be true.

Rona said...

John, I believe you're correct that Biden must have imagined countless scenarios where he becomes president but he probably wouldn't want Obama to be assassinated.

Can you imagine how he'd feel finally becoming a president and being completely overshadowed by Obama who, in death, would become a martyr, a sort of black Jesus elected to bring everyone to post-racial paradise and cleanse swipples of original sin of racism only to be taken from this world.

Your're right about the huge age difference. I must be especially grating. He probably thinks of Obama as a kid who got lucky because he's black and finds being subserviant humiliating.

I think his favourite scenario would be Obama cracking under pressure and having some sort of severe mental breakdown, whole thing becoming public, Biden taking the reins and gaining respect as superior leader with Obama completely aware of it and utterly humiliated.


John Craig said...

Rona --
I suppose that would be Biden's favorite scenario, though I'm guessing that he'd settle for an assassination.

I'd hate to see an assassination myself, as i said in the post, and I agree with you that if he were he would immediately become a sort of black Jesus. I want him to lead a long, healthy, and revealing life.

Anonymous said...

What I don't get is why Joe Biden agreed to be Vice President in the first place. If he wants the top job so badly, why not continue to run for President (until he gets it, or realizes that it's not in the cards for him), and never sink to holding the "lesser-than" Vice President position? I wonder if he's embarrassed at having this job.

John Craig said...

Anon --
i tink it affords him a certain amount of visibility, which he enjoys, and it does have that tantalizing chance of ascending.