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Thursday, July 15, 2010

Sociopath alert: Oksana Grigorieva

(Mel and Oksana in more peaceable times)

There has been a lot of publicity recently about how Mel Gibson is out of control, ranting and raving and threatening and even hitting the mother of his newborn daughter, Oksana Grigorieva.

Gibson once threatened to burn her house down but demanded oral sex first. Another time he told her she needed "a fucking bat in the side of the head." When Gregorieva called him mean, Gibson replied, "Yeah, you know what mean is now, don't you? So don't call me mean when I'm nice to you. Because I'd like to show you what mean really is. digger! All true! You fucking proved it to me! If you're ever interested in proving otherwise, let me know....Look at yourself. And look at what you've fucking done! Look at your son. He's a fucking mess. You fucking excuse for a mother! You're a fucking bitch!"

Gregorieva also accused Gibson of hitting their baby, and supposedly has a photograph of the baby with a bruise on her chin as proof.

It's definitely been a year of living dangerously for Mad (very mad) Max, whose tongue becomes a lethal weapon after one too many tequila sunrises. And Braveheart certainly didn't make his reputation by threatening women, even a woman who tries to hold their daughter for ransom.

But a lot of guys -- including me -- would, if recorded at their angriest, sound like monsters. When you're furious, you'll say anything.

To me the more interesting question is the one the media has ignored: what kind of woman calmly goads a guy on to these heights of fury and then surreptitiously records him? Why was Gibson so angry at her in the first place? And if Gibson is so abusive, why did he never hit his other seven children with his first wife? In fact, his ex-wife Robyn just offered today to testify on his behalf that he was always a good father and husband. (If Gibson had been abusive towards Robyn, would she have been willing to testify on his behalf?)

Did Gibson suddenly become abusive towards women at age 54? Or was there something about Grigorieva that brought this out in him?

Gregorieva's Wikipedia entry says that her parents were music professors. But it also quotes her as saying, "I've always looked after myself. I've never been dependent on anyone financially." A statement like that makes one wonder about her family bonds and early upbringing.

Grigorieva was obviously after Gibson's money. (She refused to sign a prenup which would have given her $5 million.) And her one previous marriage was to James Bond portrayer Timothy Dalton, which means she searches out the rich and famous to have relationships with. These are red flags for sociopathy.

(She also looks as if she's had extensive plastic surgery, which, if done while young, is a yellow flag.)

None of this excuses Gibson's behavior. Gibson has a serious drinking problem, and when he's drunk he uses vile racial epithets. (And given the nature of what he's said, he may use them when sober as well.)

Gibson hasn't been very popular in Hollywood since he made The Passion of the Christ. And his intemperate racial statements have turned off many. So a lot of people seem to be rejoicing in his downfall. But these recent tapes have to be viewed in the context of his relationship with a sociopath.

(I'm not a Whoopi Goldberg fan, but Goldberg, to her immense credit, did say after the tapes came out that in all her dealings with Gibson over the years he never seemed racist to her. Which makes one suspect that his raging at Grigorieva that she would "be raped by a pack of niggers" was more a function of him instinctively using the ugliest language while in the ugliest of moods rather than a considered statement of his attitude towards all black people.)

Gibson needs to go through that twelve step program, dry out, do some apologizing for his racial language, and choose his paramours more wisely.

Unfortunately, there is no cure for Oksana's sociopathy.


Bubbles said...

I totally agree with this. Scarier than what Mel Gibson is saying, is the fact that she remains so calm and composed on the tape. Anyone undergoing the supposed torment she describes would be/sound afraid for her life. It just didn't make any sense to me and I think your assessment is dead on. Mel says unforgivable things, but he sounds like someone who feels incredibly angry hurt and is trying to make the other person feel the same way. It's what most of us would do, only perhaps with a less colorful vocabulary.

John Craig said...

Bubbles --Thank you. It is surprising how little the mainstream media has picked up on this, or perhaps they just don't want to pick up on it

Anonymous said...

spot on, i dated a girl who i observed do the same thing to me and 2 other dudes. her characteristic traits were exactly those of this oksana. they are amazing in the beginning because they manipulate you, stroke your ego, let you do anything you want to them in bed etc. but slowly the dark side shows, and their negativity, lack of emotions, morals, or empathy really bring out the worst in a man. ive seen better men then me go down to women like these. sociopaths indeed live amoungst us and they are not all murderous psychopathys

John Craig said...

Anon --
A lot of us have had an Oksana in our lives, and we all learn from them, and most of us don't make that mistake twice. But it's unfortunate, as you point out, that we have to go through that experience even once. The Oksanas of the world -- and their male versions -- are far more common than most realize.

Wodgina said...

Even before I read this blog I knew she was cold.

The fury the Mel shows is him not being able to understand the coldness of a sociopath. He looks like the bad guy for overreacting, loses potential income, his reputation destroyed and possibly being pushed out of his childs life.... but deep down a rock solid human.

It's hard for him to comprehend the female sociopath, especially having what seemed to be a loving wife and probably a loving mum.

The female sociopath has so much power as white knights, police and the court are on her side. What a bitch.

John Craig said...

Wodgina --
No question, Mel was a patsy as far as Oksana was concerned. She saw him as a mark from the start, and as you point out, he probably had no experience with sociopaths, so didn't know what to make of her.

That said, as far as Hollywood is concerned, Mel did his career less harm with this socipath than he did with his comments about Jews and gays. (Oksana does not run Hollywood.)

Dave said...

I remember hearing these tapes and reading the stories and thinking that she came off as a heartless, lying manipulator. At the time (and now, probably) most people were so hyper-focused on Gibson's rants that her behavior within the context of the situation kind of fell under the radar.

I'm really enjoying your sociopath entries. I'm an armchair (hopefully soon-to-be professional) psychologist with a strong interest in antisocial personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder, including the colloquial 'sociopath' and 'psychopath' subsets. While I think it's dangerous to express absolute certainty in diagnosing a stranger with something as stigmatizing as sociopathy, I otherwise think your blogs are pretty dead-on. Thanks for the interesting reading material!

John Craig said...

Dave --
Thank you, it's nice to hear that from a soon-to-be-professional. I know, all the literature says a long distance diagnosis should not be made, but the fact is, when someone is a public person -- Bill Clinton is probably the best example -- his entire life is an open book and you can see the patterns of his behavior much more clearly than if you were to meet them in person for several hour long sessions (in which they would undoubtedly be trying to manipulate you).