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Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Fashion Week II

Just got an email from a friend telling me, essentially, that criticizing Fashion Week was too easy.

He completely misinterpreted that post. I admire the designers for the eminent practicality of their creations.

Allow me to illustrate with a few more examples from the Paris spring show:

Tired of the herbivores nibbling at your "buds"? This Gareth Pugh deer fence is a perfectly sensible way to keep them out of your "garden."

What better way to celebrate feminism than ironically with this Fatima Lopes droopy drawers neo-harem girl outfit?

Why be like all the other mechanics? Wow 'em down at the auto body shop with this slinky little Haider Ackermann silk number!

Afghan ladies: tired of your dreary old burkha? Try this updated Haider Ackermann version -- it's Taliban-approved!

These fashions aren't just for the idle rich -- they're for businesswomen too! This Hussein Chalayan suit will look right at home in any boardroom!

Whether you're strutting the catwalk or strutting Eighth Avenue looking for customers, those fishnet stockings can get awfully clingy! Why not try a Hakaan fishnet dress instead?

Had Indira Gandhi only had the self-confidence to get a Princess Leia hairdo, stretch her earlobes, and sport a few tats, she could have looked as John Paul Gaulthier envisioned her. Ah.....what might have been!

Boyfriend cold-hearted? Win his sympathy by saying a bird just smashed into your head because it mistook your jacket for a scallop.

Child molesters your thing? Let Louis Vuitton show you how to attract them in this sparkly number!

Having a hard time holding people's attention? This I-forgot-to-put-my-shirt-on look by Nina Ricci should even hold the eye of the ADD crowd!


Anonymous said...

John--It is with pleasure that I am amused by your observations of this event. This is one area that makes little to no sense to me from almost any perspective except a way for people in the rag trade to create an industry to cash in. On the other hand, when I was in Beijing in a crowded area a few years ago, I noticed that I was the only person who had on caky pants--everyone else had black pants. Perhaps with our freedom to express ourselves publicly, we take advantage of that, trying to be unique at all cost. Interesting. Thanks, Brian

John Craig said...

Thanks Brian. I think the real problem is that every year, every designer thinks, I'm going to wow 'em, do something that nobody else has ever done before! And this pushes them to do sillier and sillier things.

It's possible that black pants were all the rage in Beijing that year. (It's not as if the Chinese are known for their individuality.)

My big quibble with fashionistas is that they think the best way to express their individuality is through clothes. I've actually met people who explain their ridiculous outfits by saying, "I'm creative!" Sorry, but buying stuff in a store does not make one creative.

Designing unique fashions does make one creative, just not in any sort of relevant or useful or even halfway intelligent way.

I not only admire the engineers who designed the space station and the Mars rover, I'm in awe of them. Unfortunately nobody has ever heard of them, while everybody's heard of Paco Rabanne and Geoffrey Beene.

Anonymous said...

John, isn't fashion just an indulgent expression of wealth (and power)? Great empires seem to engender extravagant displays of costume. Here's an example from Britain during its imperial ascendancy
note the references to the (by then declining) Ottoman empire. At least we seem to limit this often bizarre and absurd personal decoration mostly to women's fashion. Past empires have also tended to do similar things with men's clothing.
How effective do you think the Janissaries were fighting in this kit?
(As I recall, they never took Vienna)

John Craig said...

G --
That's exactly what fashion is, an indulgent expression of wealth and power. It's the indulgence -- and its inherent silliness -- that I'm pointing out.

And yes, the fashion shows are mostly about absurd women's fashions, but there are (almost, but not quite) as silly fashions for men.

That picture of the Janissaries made me think, the impetus behind fashion is not all that different than the one behind male birds' bright plumage: look how evolutionarily fit I am, despite my bright colors and extra plumage I still have the ability to escape predators, and so will your children if you mate with me. With humans, it's the money that's being shown off, not the ability to escape predators, but it's still a mating call.

If I ever get rich, I'm going to dress like one of the models in this post.....Hmm, then again, that might not actually attract the kind of "mate" I could actually mate with.

dgh said...

Thank you so much for some really big laughs, John! Very funny comments about the ridiculous fashions! Donna

John Craig said...

Thank you Donna. More tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

bookmarked!!, I like your blog!

My homepage Davida

John Craig said...

Davida --
Thank you.