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Tuesday, June 18, 2013

The latest from the 2013 fashion shows

Okay, back to the primary mission of this blog: to bring you the latest fashions from London, Milan, and Paris.

At first, some of these styles might look a little bit ridiculous. But with just a little imagination, it's easy to see when and where they could be useful -- or not.

How often do you get invited to a costume party and think, oh no, I have nothing to wear but my dull, drab, everyday clothes (and I really don't want to use that lame line about having come as myself)? Here's the perfect solution. ("I came as a zebra!")

Neither this outfit nor mode of makeup seem to have caught on in my hometown yet. But I'm sure it's only a matter of time. (If you do like this look, bear in mind that to pull it off you must wear it with a certain piratical swagger, and not show the slightest trace of sheepishness.)

How to dress up as your favorite character from a children's book.

These Thom Browne outfits will bring you back to your Narnia days. (Hello Mr. Tumnus!) It does seem that some of these designers ought to worry less about staying in touch with their inner child and more about developing an outer grownup.

Had the St. Valentine's Day Massacre taken place on an extra hot day, Al Capone's men could have sashayed into that garage in this shirtless Canali outfit.

A group of local dads are getting together for a few beers before they head over to watch their sons' high school football game. How much would you have to be paid before you wore this Versace outfit for the occasion? (And how much would your son pay you not to?)

What would the proper occasion be to wear this sheer-lacy-pouchy-undergarment-with-gold-belt-and-formal-tuxedo-jacket-with-pushed-up-sleeves Versace number? Is it more appropriate for a formal, or informal occasion? My suggestion: be bold, try it at both.

The latest from Acne menswear. Yes, there actually is a clothing company with that name. Which brings up the inevitable question: which would you rather wear, this hat -- or zits all over your face?

It is often said that a group of young black men hanging out on the street can appear threatening. These three seemed to have discovered a sartorial (and tonsorial) solution to that dilemma.

Imagine wearing this outfit to a meeting of the local chapter of the Bloods. How do you think your colleagues would react? With restraint and good manners? Or might they manage to somehow overcome their reticence about implying that this is not precisely the image they want to convey?

From Burberry, an updated trench coat for the spy who wants only to remain incognito.

This Salvatore Ferragamo sheer v-neck Day-Glo aqua sweater with prison jumpsuit orange pants is the perfect ensemble for a flower shop, hair salon, or even an internet startup. (It may be a tad less appropriate if you work at a bank, law office, engineering firm, or oil company.)

Had that E! show been called The Boys Next Door rather than The Girls Next Door, this is how Hef and his companions might have dressed.

For those who predict the end of civilization, the perfect post-Apocalyptic camouflage outfit.

For Salvador Dali fans who like to dress in drag and are in mourning.


Quartermain said...

And they actually expect that a lot of men will pay good money to wear this stuff without being paid to?

John Craig said...

Allan --
I think Fashion Week is more about the designers showing how "creative" they can be, trying to outdo each other with their outrageousness. You never see any of those ridiculous clothes in the stores. Still, the whole ting strikes me as a gigantic waste of time.

W O D said...

You got a few laughs from me!

I think the black guys dressed as white guys takes the cake for ludicrous.

John Craig said...

W O D --
Thank you.

Actually, those are the kind of black guys I LIKE. Like most gay guys, they're not threatening, but rather appear to be highly civilized. In fact they look as if they're friendly and have a sense of humor as well, if I'm allowed to draw such conclusions from their appearance.

W O D said...

You are and I agree too.

I'm also really enjoying your blog and I read a lot of blogs, I look forward to each new post.

I did a bit of reading on the thin top lip thing. I don't believe it's a sociopath trait just more of a nasty person trait. Maybe you can have nasty sociopaths and chilled out cool sociopaths?

John Craig said...

W O D --
Thank you very much.

I was a little reluctant to put the thin lips observation on the blog, since it really makes no sense. But I've seen it so many times it's uncanny. And I can't be the only person who's observed it since the old time novelists used to describe someone as having "thin, cruel lips."

As far as chilled out cool sociopaths, well, some can appear very cool when you first meet them, but they're all pretty nasty when you get to know them.

Anonymous said...

I sometimes wonder how fashion would look if all clothes were designed by or at least had to be approved by straight men and women before being shown on the runway.

Men's clothes would definitely be more masculine and sexy and would project power and dominance instead of hipster/twink sissyness.

John, i associate thin lips with cruelty too but it may be because men with thin lips look tougher, more serious and colder so when we're shown images of sociopaths in films they are played this way.

Sorta like they tend to be white, blonde and, if they are terrorists, blue-eyed and with a quasi-germanic accent.

But I suspect that there really may be a correlation between thin lips and sociopathy.
Sometimes you can guess the type of criminal by his appearance.

Check out this page on pedo-smile and take a quiz if you can spot a pedophile.

John Craig said...

Anon --
The fashion industry wouldn't stand for having to have a hetero stamp of approval, any more than the munitions industry would agree to have a gay stamp of approval on all of their output. But you're right about the change in designs if there were such.

I"m not basing my observation of sociopathic killers having thin lips on films at all, just on real life photographs (and a few I've known). I agree that Hollywood loves to make its bad guys very Anglo- or Teutonic-looking. (Though I've noticed more bad guys with supercilious upper class British accents than with German accepts, and as far as the German accents go, I'd have to say that based on Schwarzenegger movies alone, more good guys have had them than bad guys.)

OK, I took that test, and got 13 of 18, or 68% correct. But I had the advantage of knowing who some of those people are. It was fun, but I disagree with the premise that you can tell a pederast from facial expression; most of us have worn the full gamut of expressions at various times, and too much depends on the mood you're in when the particular shot is taken.

Anonymous said...

OMG John, I could not stop laughing reading your captions!Very funny! You should put a book together of all the photos with your captions.Donna

John Craig said...

Thank you Donna.

Valentin said...

This is cool!

John Craig said...

Thank you Valentin.

Is that short for Valentino (the fashion designer)?