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Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Wonderment, Part II

More questions raised by last week's Mercedes Benz Fashion Week:

The name if this designer was "Asia Fashion Collection." Evidently they weren't kidding about the "collection" part of that name. How many different patterns can you count in that outfit and accessory? Isn't the model a little concerned that her handbags-and-gladrags handbag will get dirty if she continues to drag it on the ground?

Is this Custo Barcelona model wearing sunglasses to shield her eyes from the bright colors in the outfit? if she took her sunglasses off, would she suffer retinal damage?

Was Alon Livne striving to make these young ladies look more like flappers or like vestal virgins? Or could he not make up his mind?

With those translucent "wings," doesn't this Katya Leonovich model look a little like a fly? Does this outfit make the model appear desirable to you? If so, do insects get you hot?

This Ricardo Seco outfit combines some of the worst fashions from different eras: leather pants from the 1980's, a long-collared shirt from the 1970's, sunglasses from the 1960's, running shoes from the 2000's, and an overly long overcoat (with overly short sleeves) from the 19th century. (The garbage/gym bag is of indeterminate vintage.) Is this how a nerd with a time machine would dress?

Given the size and coloration of this J. Crew scarf, does it not seem as if that skinny model is an accessory to it rather than vice versa? Do you think this bath-mats-stapled-together look will catch on?

What material is this Jenny Packham outfit made out of? Is it a hair dress -- the equivalent of a hair shirt? Is that some kind of shredded fabric? Or is it fur? If it's fur, what animal is it from?

If you spilled food on this Libertine outfit, would anyone notice? Is its purpose to save on laundry costs?

Men: when was the last time you woke up in the morning and thought, hmm, I wonder which dress I'll wear with my Batman cap today? (You can thank Skingraft for this design.)

Despite the equestrienne hat, doesn't it seem that this Wendy Nichol model's whip is meant for masochistic men rather than horses?

If the White Queen from The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe fell upon hard times and had to resort to Narnia's oldest profession, might this Betsey Johnson outfit be what she would wear?

If you saw this Betsey Johnson-clad woman strolling up the street, would you have any doubts whatsoever about her occupation?

Does this secondhand thrift store Anna Sui flapper outfit make you feel more sorry for the leopard who died to provide it, or for the model who has to wear it?

Which personality type does this Zang Toi look seem more suited for, women who are soft and feminine, or women who are imperious and demanding? You be the judge.


Anonymous said...

Oh my. What a gloriously hilarious post! You nailed it.

John Craig said...

Anon --
Thank you. I was hoping somebody would appreciate it.

Anonymous said...

OMG, John! Laugh out Loud funny! I really think you could have a fashion blog! It would be hilarious! Donna

John Craig said...

Donna --
Thank you very much.

(This IS a fashion blog, btw, with a few other topics occasionally mixed in.)

Anonymous said...

More low hanging fruit from the catwalks. Reliable annual fodder for JC ridicule.

Have you considered that you are now probably the most fashion-aware and fashion-expert straight male on the planet?

John Craig said...

G --
Low-hanging fruit is often the best-tasting kind.

I THOUGHT I was straight, but as I write these fashion posts, I can actually feel myself being tugged in the other direction. .

Quartermain said...

Here is another take on this same subject:

Some of these are real doozies.

John Craig said...

Allan --
Thank you, just took a look. Yes, amazing. Hilarious, actually. I'd never seen those particular fashions before. And "gaslighting" is a good way to describe the mentality inside that world.