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Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Unanswered questions Part VII

More mugshots and descriptions of crimes from the Huffpost, with my comments in italics.

Kola J. McGrathKola J. McGrath

Kola J. McGrath was arrested for sneaking into her boyfriend's apartment complex by hiding in a small pink suitcase in Portland, Ore. The police searched the apartment of Curtis T. Lowe after being informed that a man had kidnapped a woman, put her in a suitcase, and taken her into the building. They found McGrath hiding in a closet.

Why would McGrath have to sneak into her boyfriend's apartment in the first place? She certainly looks old enough to be carrying on a consensual relationship, unless the meth she's taken (note the sunken features) has aged her prematurely. And wouldn't it get awfully claustrophobic inside a suitcase?


Luerissie Ashley Rose -- who is also a stripper called Pocohontas -- was arrested in February after she allegedly lured a man to his death and shot another in two robberies in Houston.

"Pocohontas" is cute enough to be a stripper, but did whoever gave her that name actually think customers would believe she was Native American? Didn't the real Pocohontas live in Virginia? Did Luerissie start to identify with Pocohontas and feel regretful for having originally saved John Smith?

Clyde Hobbs

Clyde Hobbs was arrested in May, 2012 for allegedly calling 911 at least 17 times -- to talk dirty to operators. He'd been arrested several times in the past for the same crime. When cops arrived to collar him, Hobbs asked, "Are you here to arrest me again?"

How much more put off would those 911 operators have been had they known what Mr. Hobbs looked like? Doesn't Mr. Hobbs appear more angry than horny? Mr. Hobbs looks like a man who enjoys his beverages; are there any honest liquor companies out there who would consider using him in their promotional campaigns? Was Mr. Hobbs asking that question rhetorically, or was he genuinely baffled as to why the police were there? 

Aaron Latham

Latham, 22, allegedly got naked, stole a man's truck and then ran it into the front of a home at 50 mph.

Which drugs did he ingest beforehand and how much of them did he take? How out of your mind do you have to be to do that? Why do certain drugs so often make guys want to get naked, even when they have no one to have sex with?

Michael Baker

Michael Baker was arrested after posting a Facebook photo of himself stealing gas from a police car in Jenkins, Ky.

Did Baker show those cops or what?! Did Baker believe that one's Facebook page is viewable only by one's friends? At what age do you suppose Baker will grow up?

Ray Woods

Ray Woods allegedly tied 89 bags of heroin and cocaine to his penis. When cops found him out, he reportedly urinated all over himself.

If Ray hadn't been black, wouldn't he only have had space for around 60 or so bags? Wouldn't most self-respecting heroin dealers not piss themselves when caught? Or was that simply an attempt to prevent the police from examining those bags? 

Keith Fehr

Keith Fehr is accused of wearing a black dress and exposing himself to children at a park in Illinois.

Very few transvestites are flashers, and very few flashers are transvestites; what psychological twist accounts for Mr. Fehr's rare combination of perversions? Do you like the goatee-and-dress look Mr. Fehr is sporting above? Doesn't he look more like a serial killer than anything else? 

William Bliss

William Bliss was arrested in March, 2012 after claiming four men made him carry a nuclear bomb -- while he was naked and drunk in the middle of an Iowa City street.

Has the Department of Homeland Security been notified? And how can al Qaeda be so dumb as to pick a naked man to be their nuclear suicide bomber? What did the police do with the bomb they confiscated?

Christina Lopez

Salem police say surveillance video shows Christina Lopez watched her 17-year-old (underage) daughter dance at Presley's Playhouse Cabaret, a strip club in Oregon.

Did Lopez ask her daughter for a lap dance? Did she tip her? Aren't there porn films with similar plot lines?


lowly said...

Michael Baker reminded me of something I hadn't thought about in years.

While studying I worked nights as a security guard at a hotel. One night I detect some activity in rear of the parking lot and what do you know, there are three young guys siphoning gas out of a car. I talk to them a while, and wound up giving them twenty bucks to get them on their way.

John Craig said...

Lowly --
You're a nicer guy than me.

Yeah, siphoning gas seemed to be a crime of the late 70's and early 80's; people don't seem to do it any more, not sure why. Maybe partly because of the publicity about people who accidentally swallowed gas, partly because a lot of gas caps are locked these days.

Anonymous said...

re: Pocohontas -- " did whoever gave her that name actually think customers would believe she was Native American?"
They probably didn't care. Just an invitation for half-drunk guys to say "I'd like to Poke ya hontas", to which she touches his forearm and coos, "Oh, youuuuu", and ends up with bigger tips than she'd have gotten as "Shampale".
re: gas siphoning -- In addition to locking gas caps, car makers have been installing anti-siphon devices (screens) in the filler necks of gas tanks. Rather than foiling gas thieves, they instead are using Plan B: "Punch a hole in the bottom of the tank, and drain the gas into a bucket." Because of high clearance and tank capacity, this happens mostly to trucks. So not only do you lose your gas, when AAA brings you a gallon to get you going, you're lucky if you make it to the gas station before it leaks out. Some people are assholes, but some people are REAL assholes.

John Craig said...

Anon --
Ha! What you say about Pocohontas rings true. (Is that the voice of experience I hear?)

I hadn't realized that about gas tanks, thank you for that. And yes, anybody who would cause that much damage to someone else just to benefit themselves to the tune of $50 or so would HAVE to be a hole.