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Sunday, April 20, 2014

Unanswered questions Part VI

In January of 2012 this blog had a series of posts based on the Huffpost's collection of mugshots of dumb criminals. I suggested that the crimes raised more questions than they answered. Here are parts II, III, IV, and V of that series.

The Huffpost has since added more mugshots to their collection. The pictures and descriptions of the crimes are theirs; the questions below in italics are mine.

Darron Lynn Koenig

Koenig was accused in February, 2013 of throwing hammers at Texas construction workers and then baracading himself inside his residence when police arrived to arrest him.

Does Mr. Koenig think that hairstyle is flattering? Does he think the centipede tattooed on his chest is sexy? Who should be more embarrassed, Mr. Koenig for his appearance, or the Huffpost writers for not knowing how to spell "barricading?"

Garrett Michael Hoover

Hoover was arrested for disorderly conduct in South Carolina on November 16, 2012. But, more importantly, he's "down to boink."

Does Mr. Hoover feel that girls will be more forthcoming with their favors if he advertises his attitude? How high was he when he had that written on his face? If that is a permanent tattoo (it looks more like the work of a Magic Marker), how will it affect his future job prospects?

Arthur Brundage

Police in Syracuse, N.Y., say Arthur Brundage robbed a bank and then came back to claim he was shortchanged on the loot.

Given his attitude toward the bank and the expression on his face, do you think Mr. Brundage is the kind of easy-going guy who's fun to hang out with? Think Mr. Brundage's fellow inmates will make fun of him? 

Then again, what if the teller told him the bag was full of tens and twenties when it was only filled with ones and fives? Should he not feel cheated? First the mortgage crisis, now this; should we not all be on our guard against those heartless banks? 

Raymond Garcia

Garcia, 45, was arrested after cops saw him fighting a street sign.

From the looks of Mr. Garcia, the street sign throws a pretty mean punch; was it arrested as well? Was it ever resolved who started the fight?

John Caruso

John Caruso is accused of squirting dish soap in his girlfriend's mouth in an attempt to stop her from cursing.

That was actually the traditional punishment for children who used foul language; why has it now been criminalized? Would Mr. Caruso have been arrested had he just pulled his girlfriend's pants down and spanked her? Does his girlfriend still swear?

Chad William Forber

Forber, 41, has been charged with possession of methamphetamine, resisting or obstructing a peace officer and possession of drug paraphernalia, stemming from an incident where he was found naked in public covered in nothing but Crisco.

Forber looks at least ten years older than his age; is that more a function of his meth habit or of using Crisco rather than Oil of Olay to keep his skin young? 

Joyce Coffey

Joyce Coffey was arrested four times in 26 hours for blasting the AC/DC song "Highway to Hell" and other loud music from her home and for throwing a frying pan.

Joyce doesn't look the violent type; think she might have been on meth? Meth seems to give even mousy middle-aged housewives the outlook and temperament of the 22-year-old Mike Tyson; does that not make it sound incredibly appealing? Then again, doesn't use of the drug inevitably lead one down the highway to hell?

Eric Butkiewicz

Eric Butkiewicz

Patriotically-adorned Butkiewicz, 31, was arrested in the wee hours of the morning after Independence Day for allegedly dealing drugs at Miami's posh Fontainebleu Hotel.

Is patriotism not the last bastion of the scoundrel? Isn't it disgusting how some people think that if they wrap themselves in the flag they can get away with anything? Or did Mr. Butkiewicz just have his face painted because he was tired of having people tell him he looked like Channing Tatum?

Lindsay Medd Stevens

Stevens was arrested by police in Knoxville, Tenn., for indecent exposure after his neighbor saw him cutting a tree down -- while completely in the buff. Knox County sheriff's deputy Scott Ritch told WATE-TV that he saw Stevens standing completely nude in his yard cutting a tree, only to run inside the house when he saw the officer.

Haven't chainsaws been known to cut off appendages? And given the condition of Mr. Steven's forehead, shouldn't he be worried about sun damage to the rest of his body?

Robert Gernot

Gernot was accused of threatening his neighbor by saying, "When I get done taking a s--t, I'm gonna kick your f---ing a--!"

Did Mr. Gernot get in a better mood after he was no longer constipated? Does an angry disposition turn one's hair prematurely white? 

Vladimir Mishkov

Mishkov is accused of masturbating in front of a jail employee on his way to court to face a previous flashing charge.

His first name indicates Mr. Mishkov might be a recent immigrant; has anyone considered that his behavior is merely a cultural difference? Aren't we supposed to pride ourselves on our multiculturalism?

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