Red flags for sociopathy

Here is the list of traits defining "antisocial personality," as the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychological Disorders refers to sociopathy:

-There is a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others occurring since age 15 years, as indicated by three (or more) of the following: having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another. 
-Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest.
-Deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure.
-Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead.
-Irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults.
-Reckless disregard for safety of self or others.
-Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations.
-Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing.

These categories encompass a wide variety of misbehavior. But they're so broad and vague that they could describe the way nonsociopaths behave at times, too. (Failing to plan ahead is something we all do from time to time.) And it's a somewhat dry, academic-sounding list. How do these traits express themselves in real life?

There are certain specific behaviors which have a peculiarly sociopathic flavor, which sociopaths seem to display, time after time. The following is by no means comprehensive, but it includes some characteristic tics that may ring a bell if you've ever known a sociopath well:

Sociopaths often display a certain uninhibited viciousness when it comes to lashing out at those who anger them. The people around them sense this, and make an effort not to displease them, simply to avoid a big scene or even worse. This is partly how sociopaths manipulate others.

Sociopaths often seem to have an incredible, almost supernatural confidence, which can manifest itself as incredible nerve  -- or gall, depending on your point of view. You may find yourself thinking, "I can't believe he said that," and thinking that you are a timid mouse by comparison.

Sociopaths never seem to get nervous, or flustered. They are good in debates (even on a national stage.)

Sociopaths tend to be fearless as well. Some of our greatest war heroes may have been sociopaths. (Thank goodness they were on our side.)

Of course, saying you were a Navy SEAL when you weren't, or saying you worked for the CIA when you didn't, is a dead giveaway of sociopathy. Stolen valor is a sociopathic specialty.

The second surest sign of sociopathy, after serial killing, is pathological lying. I've never known anyone who constantly lied, who wasn't a sociopath. We all lie from time to time; but lying to burnish one's resume is generally the province of sociopaths.

Another form of lying is "sport lying," the purpose of which is simply to fool people for the joy of it. That joy comes partially from making the other person look foolish for believing you, and convincing yourself you're smarter than the other person because you fooled him.

Anybody who is said to create a "reality distortion field" around them is usually a sociopath. They typically do this using a combination of dishonesty and intimidation. Think Steve Jobs.

Cult leaders are almost always sociopaths.

Sociopaths often think they are fooling people when they are not. If someone tells you an obvious lie, and acts as if he expects you to believe him, beware.

Another way sociopaths give themselves away is by claiming that they are turning over a new leaf, and thinking people will believe that they are somehow actually changing their character. 

Sociopaths may pay lip service to loyalty, and expect it of others, but rarely display it themselves. If they do act loyal, they do so in a showy (and temporary) manner and point out their "loyalty" to whomever they expect gratitude from.

If you can't imagine a certain person hanging his head in shame, or even feeling embarrassed, you may be dealing with a sociopath.

Sociopaths have no sense of discretion. They will freely tell people the criticisms others have made about them behind their backs; most people assume a certain confidentiality applies to such comments. But a sociopath feels no such compunctions, and likes to create discord by reporting such. If there have been no such criticisms, a sociopath may just make some up.

One peculiarly sociopathic tic I've noticed is that they overenunciate, as if really savoring their own words.

Some sociopaths have the ability to appear extraordinarily warm and friendly at the drop of a hat, an ability which only the completely cold can summon on demand. A sociopath's ability to make everyone feel special simply means that to him, no one is special. He is good at manipulation, that's all. (Think Bill Clinton.)

Along the lines of simulating affection they do not feel, another sociopathic tell is to claim they feel  great fondness for you way too quickly, long before any such genuine emotion could have had time to take root.

Sociopaths often feel a compulsion to appear noble. It is not enough for them to appear the moral equal of others, they want to be thought downright saintly. (Think Lance Armstrong, with his Livestrong foundation.)

If you ever see someone wiping away nonexistent ("crocodile") tears, put your guard up. Less adept sociopaths do this from up close, where it's apparent that their eyes are not watering. More skillful sociopaths will do this from onstage, or on camera, when viewers can't tell the difference. (Think Karen Sypher, or look at this series of pictures of Bill Clinton.)

Some sociopaths can actually produce real tears on demand. (Tonya Harding and Marion Jones were both reportedly able to do this.)

Someone who claims to be an "adrenaline junkie" is in fact just admitting that they have a high threshold of excitement, i.e., get bored quickly. A sociopath's need for stimulation may express itself through high stakes gambling and fast driving.

If you hear of someone becoming "addicted" to something others don't find addictive, like gambling or sex, think sociopathy. Sociopaths have so few inhibitions that they are "unable" to resist things others can.

Sociopaths feel no qualms about picking on people who work for them. (Think of Hillary Clinton, picking on the Arkansas State Troopers and the Secret Service agents who had pledged to give their lives to protect hers.) Being a bully means punching down at people unable to hit back.

I've never heard of anyone acting as his own criminal defense lawyer who wasn't a sociopath. (Think James Traficant, Ted Bundy, Colin Ferguson, Dylann Roof, Robert Camarano, and Steven Dean Gordon.)

Sociopaths usually leave people feeling used. A long trail of bitter ex-spouses, ex-friends, ex-lovers, and ex-colleagues usually spells sociopathy.

A long trail of lawsuits, both as defendant and plaintiff, is another sociopathic hallmark.

Conning others out of their money is a sociopathic hallmark. Cheating your own family makes that diagnosis even more certain.

One weird sociopathic trait is the ability to party and enjoy oneself even when you know your house of cards is about to come tumbling down. Think of all the Ponzi schemers who seem to savor the trappings of wealth right up until the moment until they go to jail. Most people would be worried sick under such circumstances.

Sociopaths often have a surprising demeanor in criminal court, given the gruesome nature of the crimes they are being tried for. While most would hang their heads in shame -- and that's an understatement -- sociopaths comport themselves like rock stars. This post and this one as well show photographs of serial killers who look strangely proud while on trial.

Sociopaths always seem to have some naive sucker around who believes in him no matter how high the evidence stacked against him. (Think Lenny Dykstra and Dan Herman. Or think of all the serial killers who've attracted groupies.)

Anybody who advertises his integrity and honesty usually has neither. 

To most people, a "conscience" is a nebulous, ethereal entity they're not really aware of. In fact, it's basically metaphorical shorthand for their character: their inhibitions, qualms, mixed emotions, and ability to feel guilt and shame as well as love. But they rarely talk about it. A sociopath, who lacks such character, may actually talk about his conscience, as if it's a distinct, palpable entity which guides his every move. (Think Barack Obama.)

Nonsociopaths get plastic surgery. But a sociopath is more likely to get it -- and lie about it.  Likewise, nonsociopaths take steroids; but a sociopath is more likely to -- and also to lie about it. In fact, a giveaway of sociopathy is the self-righteousness with which a juiced athlete denies taking performance-enhancing drugs. (Think Marion Jones, or Lance Armstrong.)

A sociopath's emotional repertoire goes from hatred to bitterness to jealousy to envy to spite to glee (at his own victories, or others' misfortunes). Some sociopaths always seem to be brimming over with bitterness and resentment. If you know someone who always seems able to find a reason to hate people, you're probably dealing with a sociopath.

Sociopaths never have peace of mind. They are rarely content to settle down with a good book, or with a crossword puzzle, or any form of peaceful solitude. They don't enjoy their own company; they prefer to be out and about, actively stirring up trouble.

Sociopaths always seem to be able to glibly justify their own sociopathy. Here are a few of the ways in which they do. 

The only people I've ever heard excuse their own lying by saying that they were only telling people what they wanted to hear, as if they had no choice but to do this, were sociopaths.

At moments of tragedy, when most people would be completely shaken up, and distraught beyond words, sociopaths, if they're not feigning sadness, may express weirdly mundane concerns. After Justin Ross Harris killed his 22-month-old son by locking him in an overheated car (after taking out life insurance on him), he complained to police, "I can't believe this is happening to me," and worried that it would reflect badly on him at the office. Such behavior is a dead giveaway.

Another way sociopaths demonstrate their character is by not losing their appetite on occasions in which food would be the last thing on a normal person's mind. (Think Joran van der Sloot.)

One way sociopaths reveal their own character is by constantly suspecting others of sociopathic traits. I once knew a sociopath who would frequently say about others, "I don't trust that guy. He lied to me once." The only one he was really giving away was himself.

One minor sociopathic tic is wearing a large cross, prominently, as a way of advertising one's piousness and inner decency.

Cheating on endurance races, a la Rosie Ruiz, or Kendall Schler, or Julie Miller, is a distinctly sociopathic trait.

Anyone who "suffers from" Munchausen's Syndrome or Munchausen's-by-proxy is a sociopath. And anybody who falsely claims to have been the victim of a hate crime is acting out a variant of Munchausen's Syndrome, and not much of a variant at that. Bear in mind that hate crime hoaxes, while usually viewed through a political lens, are in fact a form of Munchausen's.

Likewise, a woman who files a false rape report is likely a sociopath. Think of Jackie Oakley, the UVA fraternity rape "victim."

There are other syndromes which are often viewed in isolation, but are also subsets of sociopathy. People are sometimes said to have an "anger management issue," as if this exists as a separate part of the personality; but it is inevitably part of a larger syndrome.

Similarly, "road rage" is often spoken of as an inexplicable mental state which descends on random drivers. But anyone who acts out of "road rage" is apt to be wantonly violent in other areas of his life as well.

Creating havoc so that one can appear the hero (as in, firemen who set fires they can then extinguish) is the behavior of sociopaths.

Posing as someone, or something, one is not almost always means sociopathy. Think of Christian Gerhartsreiter pretending to be Clark Rockefeller. Or Catch Me If You Can protagonist Frank Abagnale posing as an airline pilot or doctor.

Pretty much anyone who makes his living as a con man is a sociopath. (I've never known of one who wasn't.) And having multiple aliases almost always means one is a con man.

Taking advantage of people who are actually doing you a favor is a particularly loathsome, peculiarly sociopathic method of exploitation.

Attributing one's own bad behavior to noble causes is another sociopathic specialty. Think of Newt Gingrich explaining his multiple infidelities by saying, "There's no question at times in my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate."

Or think of Jack Kevorkian, indulging his fascination with killing and death while masquerading as a man wanting to help ease the suffering of terminally ill people.

A stylistic quirk sociopaths exhibit is overuse of adverbs and adjectives attributing nobility, or sincerity, or warmheartedness, to themselves. This post analyzes how David Berkowitz (Son of Sam) does it, and this post analyzes the  language used by Franklin Lynch (The Day Stalker).

You often hear convicts characterizing some horrific crime they've committed, like murder, as "a mistake" or "a bad decision." This too is distinctly sociopathic phraseology.

Lastly, while this is not a behavioral characteristic of sociopaths themselves, whenever I've heard about someone that "he's the type of guy you either love or hate," it's often a sociopath who's being described, and if not a sociopath, then at least an extreme narcissist. (Usually, what happens is that people love that person until they get to know him better, at which point they despise him.)

This is by no means a comprehensive list. But all of these behaviors give off a distinctly sociopathic scent. Also, bear in mind that they describe different styles of sociopathy. No sociopath will do all of these things; but most will do some. This list should help you recognize the sociopaths in your life.