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Thursday, January 5, 2012

Nice guys, average guys, and sociopaths XIII

Situation: A 22-year-old guy cuts an accidental, audible fart while on a date with a new girl. How does he react?

Nice guy: Turns beet red, figures he's entirely ruined his chances with the girl, and will never live this down. Apologizes profusely. For several minutes he is so mortified he has a hard time making conversation.

Average guy: Mumbles, "Oh Jesus, that was embarrassing. Sorry." Feels awkward for the next minute or so.

Sociopath: Says, "Whoops" in an almost exaggerated tone to disguise fact that he doesn't feel embarrassment. Knowing how annoyed he is when others fart, he winks and says, "That wasn't the slickest move I've ever pulled." Ten seconds later he's forgotten about it.

Situation: Same one; what is the woman's initial reaction? 

Nice girl: Pretends she didn't hear.

Average girl: Pretends she didn't hear, but moves away slightly.

Sociopath: Grimaces and rolls her eyes, as if this is the very last straw. Opens her mouth as if about to say something, but then ostentatiously shakes her head and says nothing, as a demonstration of her superhuman patience.

Situation: Two guys are talking; one of them mournfully says, "Girls never give me a second look." How does the other one respond?

Nice guy: "You're better-looking than me. I'm sure girls notice you, you just don't realize it." It occurs to him to tell his friend that Mandy said he was cute the other day, but he refrains, realizing that Mandy might not want this passed along.

Average guy: "You're not that bad-looking. You just need to lose a little weight, that's all." Thinks to himself, he'll never do it.

Sociopath: (with annoyance in his voice) "That's cause you're so fucking fat." Sees the the other guy's expression, and backtracks with, "You oughta to hit the gym, lose some weight. You gotta show a little discipline though. No more thirds on the chocolate cake." Feels gratified that he was able to work these digs in under the guise of concern.

Situation: Three guys are walking down a country road when a 450 pound black bear emerges from the woods to cross the road about thirty yards in front of them. When it reaches the middle of the road, it turns to give them a look, then, after a few seconds, ambles on.

Nice guy: His heart starts pounding wildly; he is terrified that all three of them could be mauled. Is slightly relieved not to see any cubs nearby. Knows he is supposed to yell in order to scare the bear away, but when he tries to, all that comes out is a strangled squeak.

Average guy: His heart skips a beat, and he feels a jolt of adrenalin. Thinks, shit, I wish I'd brought my pepper spray. It occurs to him that he has some measure of safety because he knows he can outrun his two friends. Yells at it loudly.

Sociopath: As the bear looks at them, he puts his finger to his mouth and says in a tone of exaggerated innocence, "Oh I didn't eat your porridge." Then he laughs at his own joke. Wishes he had his rifle with him because it would have been so gratifying to see its brains splattered all over. Later on his two buddies marvel at his nerves of steel. He makes fun of the nice guy's squeak, imitating it for them, as well as for many others later on. Finds this a source of never-ending mirth.


Anonymous said...

Alternate scenario for the sociopath of situation two: he sizes up the gullibility and the desire to believe of the person confessing his social failure. Then he proceeds to assure him that he's actually coming up short because his obvious intellectual aura is so strong that women get scared off by it. Women prefer nitwits and dopes that they can manipulate and exploit, he tells him, and are intimidated by a man of superior intellect and personality. Puffs the guy up and advises him to become more arrogant and go for higher quality women, pointing out some likely candidates that the sociopath knows will give the chump a humiliating putdown. He then gets a big thrill out of seeing the patsy crash and burn. He will then pretend to be sympathetic, telling him those women were incapable of recognizing quality when they see it and thus should set his sights even higher.

John Craig said...

Anon --
Very good, you just gave the high-IQ sociopath scenario. (I gave the low-to-middling one.)