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Thursday, December 25, 2014

Filial respect, Part V

Yesterday my son told me he wanted to hasten my death in order to sooner receive his (meager) inheritance.

He chortled, "I'll make it look like a suicide. But not just any suicide. A gay, angst-ridden suicide, with gay love letters strewn around your body."

He then thought better of it. "No, I'll make it look as if you died of autoerotic asphyxiation while jerking off to gay porn. I'll pull your pants down and put some gay porn near your body."

When he finally stopped laughing, he concluded, "David Carradine's death is going to look dignified by comparison."

I never once spoke to my father that way.


Anonymous said...

your son is mean bastard john. no offense but he really doesn't seem like a chip off the old block, if you follow men....

come on man, you worked at goldman. they're all rich bald jewish guys!!!

Steven said...

If you die with an erection, do you keep the erection?

If so, the whole thing is a lot more difficult to pull off (no pun intended).

John Craig said...

Anon --
Actually I'm not sure I follow you. He actually does have a similar sense of humor.

And I'm balding, but that's about the extent of the other parallel.

John Craig said...

Steven --
You'll have to ask a pathologist or mortician about that one.

Anonymous said...

i can confirm the erection part. i got my gf to sneak me into the mortuary a couple of times, and i've seen corpses with uh, boners.
sorry john, just making a bad cuckoo joke...

Anonymous said...

Very very funny. I did laugh.


Glen Filthie said...

What an artful solution:
- entirely plausible,
- a lucrative target (I hear John makes LOTS of money),
- and who would suspect foul play on the part of a distinguished serviceman? The case would be opened and shut before coffee time!

I am glad he is not my son.


John Craig said...

Andrew --
Thank you.

Glen --
No thank you.

Steven said...

I really think there is potential for a screenplay.

John Craig said...

Steven --
My son has suggested in the past that his part could be played by Jason Momoa, and my part could be played by Herve Villechaize (if he were only still alive).