Search Box

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Confessions of a beta male XIII: Fighting

There used to be an expression that men would use upon being insulted: "Them's fighting words." Speaking as a beta male, there have been very few such words in my lexicon. As a matter of fact, I can't think of any.

Push an alpha and he'll push back. Push me and I'll fall back. 

Alphas start a fight if you look at their girlfriend the wrong way. When I was young, I would just hope you wouldn't take her away.

Alphas are ready to fight if you insult their masculinity. My masculinity is, well, much more even-keeled.

To an alpha, the pleasure of delivering a punch to your face is worth the pain of receiving one to his. To me, a ten to one ratio wouldn't make it worthwhile.

You'll occasionally hear someone say of an alpha, "He's the kind of guy you want on your side in a bar fight." Ever since I first heard that fights occasionally break out in bars, I've avoided them. 

If an alpha takes martial arts lessons, and begins to feel proficient, he looks for an opportunity to use his new skills. To me, "self defense" means exactly that. In the twenty years since I got my black belt in karate, the only thing I've kicked are doors which are stuck. (And yes, the UFC did prove how useless karate by itself is; I might as well have gotten my black belt from the Arthur Murray School of Dance.)

I just don't seem to get that angry. I just can't think of anything other than going after my children that would rouse me to action. You can feel free to say what you want about me, my school, my hobbies, my hometown, or my country, completely secure in the knowledge that there will be absolutely no physical repercussions.

It's too easy for me to imagine what it would be like to have to put in false teeth every day for the rest of my life. Or lose an eye. Or even get a bloody nose. And I value my brain, so don't want it jarred.

Yeah -- that's why I'm a coward: I'm just way too intelligent!

In fact, I'll use any of the lame excuses that betas use to avoid a fight: Why would I want to fight him? That guy is crazy.... He's not worth arguing with. A guy like that isn't going to listen to reason....I'm the better man for having walked away.

I'm not too proud to resurrect that old standby from first grade: sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.

A beta's life is nothing more than a series of justifications.


Brian Fradet said...

Hi John--I really don't know if this article is meant to be candid or tongue in cheek. I suspect the latter. Anyway, with a general profile as you, Ivy educated (whatever that means), successful career, procreated children, a perfect physique (I'm licensed to say that), a pleasing personality by observation, and I could go on. But the point is that you just might be a sociopath except in the other direction, wherein you lack awareness of your good qualities. Think about it. There's a lot of beta males out there--and you ain't one of them for sure--unless, of course, there's something big I don't know about you. Just be happy to be an alpha male--a nice one. Brian

John Craig said...

For those of you who don't know me, Brian is an EXCELLENT judge of character. AND physique.

Anonymous said...

While I realize you're attempting to be tongue in cheek as Brian suggested, I still don't see this as completely true.

True Alpha males are not always quick to fight if someone looks at their girlfriend the wrong way; a true alpha male knows he has no competition and thus doesn't worry in the least about it.

To toot my own horn for a minute as an example, I am a leader among my peers (VP of my fraternity), Intelligent and moderately attractive (or so I've been told). I certainly consider myself an Alpha Male; or at least certainly not a Beta Male. However, despite this I have never been in a fight and I am quite easy to get along with.

A true Alpha male rules the room with quiet indifference and only uses aggression when it is needed. it is a male who is insecure about their social position that feels the need to fight over stupid things like having your girlfriend ogled.

-Taylor's friend Dave

John Craig said...

Dave --
You're right, for purposes of the blog I'm conflating alpha males with narcissistic males. I've done this on several of the other posts in this series too.